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You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
- Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships
- Narrated by: Martin LaGrande, Mike Berlak
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
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Publisher's summary
A groundbreaking approach for practicing courageous love and resilient intimacy—from the creator of Internal Family Systems therapy
Do loving relationships end because couples lack communication skills, struggle to empathize, and fail to accommodate each other’s needs? That’s a common belief within and outside of the therapeutic world… but what if it’s all wrong? In You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For, Dr. Richard Schwartz, the celebrated founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, offers a new way—a path toward courageous love that replaces the striving, dependent, and disconnected approach to solving relationship challenges.
The breakthrough realization of IFS is that our psyche contains multiple parts, each with a life of its own. Most problems in relationships arise because we unknowingly burden our partner with the task of caring for our disowned and unloved parts. In this book, you’ll discover essential insights and tools to foster healthy dialogue with your parts and your partner, including:
• How to recognize and disarm the cultural assumptions that create shame, guilt, and isolation in relationships
• The Three Projects—why we fool ourselves into thinking we must change our partner, change ourselves, or give up on true intimacy
• Finding and Healing Exiles—transforming the way our most vulnerable parts influence the way we treat each other
• How to reorient relationship conflicts to help each of us grow toward the Self—the center of our clarity and wisdom
• Courageous Love—building resilient intimacy with each other and our parts to create healthy, lasting partnerships
“No one can do the work of healing our orphaned parts for us,” says Dr. Schwartz. “Yet when we begin with Self-leadership, a relationship can become a safe place in which we help each other heal and grow.” Here is an invaluable guide for therapists and laypersons alike to promote connection, trust, and understanding—within yourself and with the one you love.
Critic reviews
“This profound and readable book provides clear guidelines for therapists and clients alike. In ways that complement my own work, clients learn how to unload the cultural and family burdens that block intimacy by keeping them locked in rigid gender roles. Therapists learn an empowering and practical process for treating couples. I enthusiastically recommend this book to anyone serious about improving relationships in the world today!”—Terrence Real, author of I Don’t Want to Talk about It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage
“This highly original book offers critical new insights into obstacles to the dance of intimacy. Most of us have inner exiled parts that carry burdens of shame and abandonment from our past. These interfere with our capacity for intimacy. Dick Schwartz shows us how to use the exiles our partners trigger in us to find and heal the source—our original attachment injuries. This releases our capacity to be fully alive in relationships.”—Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD, medical director, the Trauma Center, and professor of psychiatry, Boston University School of Medicine
“You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For is my relationship bible! The IFS principles and methods shared in this book have offered me direct access to ‘courageous love’ and a greater connection to my husband than I ever thought possible. The book is on my bedside table, and I turn to it as a nightly ritual.”—Gabby Bernstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back
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You can say no. You can stop people-pleasing and start setting boundaries. You can ask for what you need. You can love and be loved - without sacrifice - by breaking the codependency cycle. The Codependency Recovery Plan empowers you to have healthy, happy interdependent relationships. This actionable five-step program is designed to help you get in touch with yourself, assert boundaries, and communicate confidently. You’ll be free to nurture true intimacy.
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Life changing
- By Anonymous User on 04-14-22
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Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
- Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Gary Galone
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Like a constant friend, this collection of meditations is a source of strength and reassurance designed to speak to women like you, women in relationships with angry and controlling men. It helps you to digest what is happening a piece at a time, so you can gain clarity, safety, and freedom.
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Just what I needed.
- By lori Goodson on 11-07-15
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Toxic Parents
- Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- By: Craig Buck, Susan Forward
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
- By Amanda on 08-20-12
By: Craig Buck, and others
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The Good Karma Divorce
- Avoid Litigation, Turn Negative Emotions into Positive Actions, and Get On with the Rest of Your Life
- By: Judge Michele F. Lowrance
- Narrated by: Judge Michele F. Lowrance
- Length: 4 hrs and 20 mins
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The average divorce takes two years with a median cost of $30,000. Yet the true cost of divorce is more than time or money; it is the legacy of the decisions made during the process. No matter how long two people have been married, whether there are children or not, divorce often leads to bad choices that can forever alter a family's life. But what if you could reverse the stereotype and move regret-free through this process?
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Thanks for the great advice!
- By Tom Clemente on 11-09-16
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When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder
- A Guide for Adult Children
- By: Daniel S. Lobel PhD
- Narrated by: Daniel S. Lobel PhD
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up with a mom who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is difficult - but it’s still possible to have a functioning adult relationship with her. When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder provides you with crucial information for understanding the patterns behind her Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as the tools you need to start your own recovery process.
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Great advice IF you decide to or must continue a relationship with someone with BPD
- By Sarah M. on 05-21-24
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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
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Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
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12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone
- Choosing Emotional Sobriety Through Self-Awareness and Right Action
- By: Allen Berger PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer 12 hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations.
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Rich exploration and application of ES principles
- By rdkemper on 08-12-23
By: Allen Berger PhD
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If the Buddha Married
- Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path
- By: Charlotte Kasl
- Narrated by: Renée Raudman
- Length: 7 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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If the Buddha Married is filled with the same highly practical, spiritually sound guidance that so clearly touched a chord with fans of If the Buddha Dated. Charlotte Kasl is renowned for her ability to speak with depth, wisdom, and humor on important matters of the heart. In If the Buddha Married, Kasl inspires us to create fulfilling and vibrant relationships through a commitment to awareness and truth.
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It's not about "PERFORMANCE".
- By chuck on 03-19-12
By: Charlotte Kasl
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Fierce Self-Compassion
- How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive
- By: Kristin Neff
- Narrated by: Jean Ann Douglass
- Length: 12 hrs and 34 mins
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Kristin Neff changed how we talk about self-care with her enormously popular first book, Self-Compassion. Now, 10 years and many studies later, she expands her body of work to explore a brand-new take on self-compassion. Although kindness and self-acceptance allow us to be with ourselves as we are, in all our glorious imperfection, the desire to alleviate suffering at the heart of this mindset isn't always gentle, sometimes it's fierce.
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Liberal Activism distracting
- By Janiene on 07-26-21
By: Kristin Neff
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Self-Therapy
- Transform Stuck Parts of Yourself into Inner Resources of Strength, Love, and Freedom
- By: Jay Earley PhD
- Narrated by: Jay Earley PhD
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
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Psychotherapy works through dialogue between the therapist and client—but what if you could have an effective healing dialogue with yourself? "Because our minds are actually a home to many sub-personalities," Dr. Jay Earley explains, "we have the ability to heal ourselves by engaging directly with the each of our parts." With Self-Therapy, Dr. Earley offers a complete audio training course in a revolutionary therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), a powerful psychological tool for finding freedom from chronic emotional issues such as depression and anxiety, and creating internal harmony where the aspects of your psyche are working together for your well-being.
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More than a book it is a transformational tool.
- By Néstor Etayo on 02-03-15
By: Jay Earley PhD
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I Want This to Work
- An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age
- By: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Elizabeth Earnshaw is here to help. The renowned Gottman therapist, founder of A Better Life Therapy, and influential Instagram therapist behind @lizlistens has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents for today’s generation the most effective and proven steps for relationship success.
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I want this to work too. Excellent information, excruciating execution
- By Sunny Bettley on 03-17-23
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The Undervalued Self
- By: Elaine N. Aron
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Elaine Aron follows up her best sellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love.
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Life Changing!
- By Dawn Mitchell on 09-20-15
By: Elaine N. Aron
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The Emotional Edge
- Discover Your Inner Age, Ignite Your Hidden Strengths, and Reroute Misdirected Fear to Live Your Fullest
- By: Crystal Andrus Morissette
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
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The Emotional Edge is an exciting expansion of Crystal's successful brand - she has tackled weight management, confidence building, and spiritual growth; now she combines all that and more into her most powerful program yet. The Emotional Edge is a guide for letting go of the past and embracing a more empowered future. This audiobook is spiritual self-help designed to teach listeners how to overcome behavioral ruts and engage the world from a happier, more empowered place.
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the world needs more of this.
- By Amber Jessop on 11-25-17
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The Journey of the Heroic Parent
- Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home
- By: Brad M. Reedy Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
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Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
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I love IFS, but didn't love the book
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Over the past two decades, Internal Family Systems (IFS) has transformed the practice of psychotherapy. With Introduction to Internal Family Systems, the creator of IFS presents the ideal layperson’s guide for understanding this empowering, effective, and non-pathologizing approach to self-discovery and healing. Here, Dr. Schwartz shares evidence, case studies, and self-care tools.
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A great IFS read
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Internal Family Systems Therapy - Novice review
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Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy
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Discover the innovative intersection of somatic therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS), featuring 5 core practices to transform modern therapeutic approaches. Enhance your clinical practice and patient outcomes by skillfully uniting body and mind through an evidence-based therapeutic modality—endorsed by leaders in the field, including Richard Schwartz.
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Fantastic book!
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Internal Family Systems Couple Therapy Skills Manual
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You can help even the most conflicted, disconnected couples restore and heal their relationship. IFS Couple Therapy Skills Manual presents clinicians with a powerful, non-pathologizing approach to helping couples better understand themselves, their differences, and the underlying reasons for their suffering.
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Lovely narration!
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I love IFS, but didn't love the book
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Introduction to Internal Family Systems
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A great IFS read
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IFS reveals how the subpersonalities or "parts" of each individual's psyche relate to each other like members of a family, and how - just as in a family - polarization among parts can lead to emotional suffering. IFS originator Richard Schwartz and master clinician Martha Sweezy explain core concepts and provide practical guidelines for implementing IFS with clients who are struggling with trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, and other behavioral problems.
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Internal Family Systems Therapy - Novice review
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Fantastic book!
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Lovely narration!
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Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual
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Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) provides a revolutionary treatment plan for PTSD, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, and more. Using a non-pathologizing, accelerated approach - rooted in neuroscience - IFS applies inner resources and self-compassion for healing emotional wounding at its core. This new audio manual offers straight-forward explanations and illustrates a wide variety of applications. Easy to listen to and highly practical.
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Not Good as an Audiobook
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An exceptional, transformatioal work.
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Transcending Trauma
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The highly acclaimed Transcending Trauma explores a unique, compassionate, and evidence-based approach to resolving complex and dissociative trauma. In this transformative audiobook, Frank Anderson, MD, masterfully details an IFS path to therapy that allows clients to access their inherent capacity for healing - called self-energy - while also helping them welcome, as opposed to manage, the extreme emotions frequently associated with trauma.
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Highly Recommend
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Workbook: No Bad Parts
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Richard C. Schwartz's No Bad Parts articulately breaks down the Internal Family Systems Model, providing you with in-depth knowledge of the different parts that make us who we are, how these parts respond to life events and traumas, and how you can reduce their impact on your life to foster inner harmony and well-being. You may have read his work and want a refresher, or you may be completely new to the practice of IFS. Whichever side of the coin you fall on, this workbook can transform your life.
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Self-Therapy
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Psychotherapy works through dialogue between the therapist and client—but what if you could have an effective healing dialogue with yourself? "Because our minds are actually a home to many sub-personalities," Dr. Jay Earley explains, "we have the ability to heal ourselves by engaging directly with the each of our parts." With Self-Therapy, Dr. Earley offers a complete audio training course in a revolutionary therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), a powerful psychological tool for finding freedom from chronic emotional issues such as depression and anxiety, and creating internal harmony where the aspects of your psyche are working together for your well-being.
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More than a book it is a transformational tool.
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The Tender Parts
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Ten years ago, Ilyse Kennedy was a disconnected twenty-something, sitting on a therapy couch, grappling with her own trauma. Now, as a trauma therapist, Kennedy shows up ready to attune to her treasured clients. Those who meet her might be surprised to know that this twenty-something still lives within her. She also has a people pleaser, who caters to the needs of others for self-protection. Then there is the therapist within her, who offers tools and solutions for her clients. The twenty-something, people pleaser, and therapist are all parts within her.
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Parts Work
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This audiobook, Parts Work, describes our inner psychological world in ways that are moving, thought-provoking, sometimes humorous and often poignant. The audiobook shows how we can disentangle ourselves from the problematic habitual patterns in which we get stuck, and offers ways of positively using our particular talents and style for a fuller life. Through practical examples, the audiobook helps us to understand ourselves and others better.
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I love this book!!!
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Altogether You: Experiencing Personal and Spiritual Transformation with Internal Family Systems Therapy
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Therapist and speaker Jenna Riemersma applies the groundbreaking insights of Internal Family Systems (IFS) for anyone who feels stuck in unwanted feelings and behaviors, with a special focus on personal transformation for listeners of faith. In Altogether You, she explains why our parts are so often at war-parts of us wanting to please others and do things right while other parts seem bent on acting out, shutting down, or engaging in hurtful behaviors.
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Great book, one significant caveat
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What You Want Wants You
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In her illuminating and highly intelligent new book, Suzanne Eder skillfully explains that we awaken to the deeper truth of who we are by following the lead of our personal, heartfelt desires. In contrast with many spiritual teachings that promote the diminishment of personal desire, What You Want Wants You clearly and boldly asserts that genuine desire is the very impulse of life itself, guiding us unerringly back to one source and to our greatest levels of contribution and fulfillment.
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Nonsensical
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The Self-Acceptance Summit: Volume 1
- How to Overcome Self-Judgment and Live a Life of Bravery, Compassion, and Authenticity
- By: Elizabeth Gilbert, Iyanla Vanzant, Parker J. Palmer PhD, and others
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Gilbert, Iyanla Vanzant, Parker J. Palmer PhD, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins
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How often do you hear inner voices saying you’re not good enough, not tough enough, not fit enough? How much time do you spend dwelling on regret, shame, and things you wish you could do over? Research shows that when we truly accept ourselves, it changes everything. We become less reactive and more resilient. Our physical health improves. We are capable of deeper and more satisfying relationships. In The Self-Acceptance Summit: Volume One, you’ll find a collection of insights, encouraging voices, and on-the-spot tools to help you transform your relationship with yourself.
By: Elizabeth Gilbert, and others
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Anchored
- How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory
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- Narrated by: Deb Dana
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An intense conversation, a spat with a partner, or even an obnoxious tweet - these situations aren't life-or-death, yet we often react as if they are. That's because our bodies treat most perceived threats the same way. Yet one approach has proven to be incredibly effective in training our nervous system to stop overreacting: polyvagal theory. In Anchored, expert teacher Deb Dana shares a down-to-earth presentation of polyvagal theory, then brings the science to life with practical, everyday ways to transform your relationship with your body.
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Know thyself.
- By Debora on 04-17-22
By: Deb Dana, and others
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An Internal Family Systems Guide to Recovery from Eating Disorders
- Healing Part by Part
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An Internal Family Systems Guide to Recovery from Eating Disorders: Healing Part by Part addresses the necessity of healing the eating disorder sufferer's three groups of inner "Parts": the Mentors, the Advocates, and the Kids. In order to reconnect to their sense of Self and to achieve an inner balance necessary for recovery, the listener learns to address the unique needs of each of their "Parts." This book combines examples from the author's client cases and her own recovery with a step-by-step framework for identifying and healing the listeners' Parts using the IFS model.
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Disappointing presentation
- By monica on 01-14-24
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What listeners say about You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
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- Bert
- 01-26-24
Excellent guidelines!
This was very timely for me. Just began a new relationship and I can already see where my parts are fitting in. I loved the idea of trailheads and their invitation to be curious. All of this healing work has been amazing, and it's all practiced in relationships.
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- Kim Quintero
- 02-06-24
Ground Breaking
This book was truly a breakthrough. It can be an unconventional way to relating to yourself, but the science is there and so are the results. A must-read (or must-listen!)
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- Seattle Reader
- 05-10-24
Key Insight
This is one of the best and most helpful books I’ve listened to for me and my relationship. (And I’ve listened to a lot.) The author narration is excellent.
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- Ericka
- 04-24-24
ifs
i love that there are prompts/ exercises/ reflection points. i also listened to no bad parts and having all the examples in this book, as they apply actively in partnership, was a helpful next step.
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- Thomas
- 10-17-23
Great IFS Book for Couples
I really enjoyed this book. IFS is a wonderful approach. This should be required reading fro all relationships.
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- Mschpns
- 10-04-23
Spot on! Extremely valuable lessons..
I am a counsellor working with IFS with individuals. Highly recommend reading this book for everyone…
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- Ian Nathan
- 10-05-23
Really really ridiculously good relating
This is the best academic resource I’ve listened to on intimacy and relating. The only thing I’ve found better are experiential practices, which aren’t available through a book. We’ll done!
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- Joy K.
- 10-31-23
Excellent! May the Self be with you!
Very enlightening and useful approach to cultivating lasting intimacy and connection in all your relationships!
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- DutchessInHarrisburg
- 06-14-23
Fantastic
Wonderful to Lauren learn more about IFS in relationship to couples. Most teachings on IFS are related to individual work
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- GlenEllen
- 07-15-23
Easy to understand and enlightening
This is the therapy that truly heals us. It may not be easy, but this book will get you started on a path to healing and shines the light so you can see the steps in front of you. Even if you can’t.
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