Marry Him

The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

By: Lori Gottlieb

Narrated by: Brittany Pressley

Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins

Publisher's summary

You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven't found The One just yet. Surely he'll come along, right?

But what if he doesn't? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn't realize it?

Suddenly finding herself 40 and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she, and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and instead go for Mr. Good Enough.

Looking at her friends' happy marriages to good-enough guys who happen to be excellent husbands and fathers, Gottlieb declared it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner. Her ideas created a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, "Given the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb's probably got a point", to Newsweek and NPR, which declared, "Lori Gottlieb didn't want to take her mother's advice to be less picky, but now that she's turned 40, she wonders if her mother is right." Women all over the world were talking. But while many people agreed that they should have more realistic expectations, what did that actually mean out in the real world, where Gottlieb and women like her were inexorably drawn to their "type"?

That's where Marry Him comes in.

By looking at everything from culture to biology, in Marry Him, Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face - how to reconcile the strong desire for a husband and family with a list of must-haves so long and complicated that many great guys get rejected out of the gate. Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy - as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their 20s to their 60s.

Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.

©2010 Lori Gottlieb (P)2021 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

"Marry Him is a frank and funny read, weaving real people's stories with Gottlieb's own experiences, and containing sharp examinations of how society and culture - everything from When Harry Met Sally to The Bachelor - come into play when modern women look for love." (The New York Observer)

"A provocative pop culture treatise...she encourages us to think through our own beliefs and unexamined assumptions." (The Chicago Tribune)

"Marry Him shows women how to find true happiness when seeking love - by giving them a new way to look at the world. Gottlieb manages to be hilarious yet thought-provoking, light-hearted yet profound on the questions of: Why do we fall in love? What qualities really matter in a marriage? For what reasons do we make the decisions that affect our whole lives? Like provocative relationship classics such as The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You, Marry Him will set people talking for years." (Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project)

Values vs desperation

I understand the point of this book: we should value a mate the important things like kindness, value compatibility, communication skills, and stability. I agree with all of that.
However, the main feeling I get from it is that we should be desperate as we age- women are less valuable as they age.
It frightens me to think that women are hearing that settling for whatever comes along is their only hope of being happy.
I will tell you that doing these things and being realistic does not ensure a happy marriage as is stated in the book.
Also, having a mindset of scarcity about mates is a good way to settle for someone who is not good for you.

Great book. Wish I had read in my 20s

Great book. Excellent content. Easy read. Funny and packed full of statistics and real life examples. A great alternative to the unrealistic Hallmark Channel stories we've ascribed to as women.

Must read

I’ve listen to many books on all of these topics and never found one so in depth and point on. It gives a great insight to the sake of women and always looking for the next best thing only to turn around years later and find regret. If you are dating newly divorced or thinking about leaving any kind of our relationship you should definitely listen to this book.

Incredibly Helpful!

What a relief to hear my own thoughts, fears, doubts played out & shared by so many other scenarios that I can totally relate to & finally lay to rest. This review is from a 44 yo female, twice divorced raising my daughter & nephew alone for the most part (70% of the time). The 30% free time I have is dedicated to finding & keeping a husband. I can so clearly see where I’ve sincerely gone wrong before. Now I feel empowered & encouraged in ways I’ve never felt before.

Excellent!

engaging, educational, funny, and very useful in real life. I also think that her advice and stories are right on target.

Eye opening reality

As a single woman in her late 30's I identified with a lot of the characters in the book. I wish I would have read this in my 20s.

Thank you Lori

As a 25 year old woman, even one who doesn’t want children, I found this book very insightful. There is a lot of good advice for young women currently dating.

Loved it

I think it was very honest and informative. I found myself relating to so many of the scenarios and hopefully I can take what I have learned and be more productive and successful in my dating.

Mind Providing Information!

Loved how she told her story and all the sources of information she gathered. I found myself wanting to talk with these people myself and would have loved to journey through all this research with her.
The book presents a lot of good ideas that are worth taking time to reflex one.

Good story for those looking for “the one”

This has a lot of things that a lot of grown people need to hear. On a side note, I love the reader! She has a very pleasant and expressive voice!