Like so many humans living in the age of selfies, Zoom, and always-on social media, I'm prone to overscrutinizing my appearance: The lines that tell the story of my life's vast and varied emotional responses. The effects on my shape of approximately 20 months of pregnancy. Maskne. The vestiges of a pricey dye job I treated my hair to just one week before the virus sent us into quarantine. When I'm constantly staring into a digital camera to work, play, and be an engaged member of society, it's increasingly difficult to ignore the outward appearance of this vessel that carries the thing I call "me."
I haven't always been kind to this vessel that contains me, either. I've said mean things about it, I've mistreated it, I've subjected it to questionable potions both internally and externally. I've taken it for granted. I've deprived it of the experiences it deserves (running headlong into the ocean in actual clothes is less fun than in a bathing suit). And I've potentially sent a harmful message to my children: "Your body is something to be hidden—or, worse, I won't share memory-making experiences of frolicking in the sand with you because I'm too ashamed of my stretched-out, stretch-marked belly to take off my beach coverup. "
As with so many things I've taken for granted over the years—hugs, summer concerts, family visits—I'm finally starting to take a more grateful approach to what my body has done to keep me here. Am I feeling body positive? Almost. I would say I'm feeling more body-positive adjacent.
A good friend and I were recently discussing a body-positivity dating coach she's seeing (yes, they exist!). We went back and forth on the concept of body positivity altogether, and whether it's realistic to be shiny, positive, upbeat, and giddy about the state of our 40-something bodies, which seem to be rebelling against us regularly. (Relatedly, if anyone knows a good remedy for joints that crack so loudly they wake your partner from a deep sleep, by all means share.)
During this time of lowered expectations of what life might be, my friend and I both have been downloading a lot of works that are best described as low-pressure self-care (many of which can be found below). Works that don't demand that you be your best self at all times, or that you even strive to take a sunnier view of yourself. We've been tending more toward the listens that invite you to cut yourself some slack, and maybe, just maybe, celebrate your so-called weaknesses.
As for my body: I wouldn't say what I'm feeling toward it right now is unalloyed positivity (is there anything to feel that way about in the midst of a pandemic?). Rather, I'm feeling what I'd like to call "body neutrality." I may not be ready to throw on that itty-bitty monokini and broadcast it to the world on every possible social channel, but I'll definitely dip my toe into the water of shame-free physicality. This body is doing its job, it's not holding me back, and by god, that just might be enough for now.
Beyond Beautiful
The ultimate guide to building confidence in your body, beauty, clothes, and life in an era of toxic social media-driven beauty standards....
Radical Acceptance
An inspirational book of teachings from author Tara Brach that offers a path to freedom by healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships....
Body Kindness
With mind and body exercises to keep your energy spiraling up and prompts to help you identify what you really want and care about, Body Kindness helps you let go of things you can't control and embrace the things you can by finding the workable daily steps that fit you best....
Fearing the Black Body
Learn how the female body has been racialized for more than 200 years....
The F*ck It Diet
From comedian and ex-diet junkie Caroline Dooner, an inspirational guide that will help you stop dieting, reboot your relationship with food, and regain your personal power....
Love Your Body
Louise L. Hay shows your how to Love Your Body....
The Gifts of Imperfection, 10th Anniversary Edition
For over a decade, Brené Brown has found a special place in our hearts as a gifted mapmaker and a fellow traveler. She is both a social scientist and a kitchen table friend whom you can always count on to tell the truth, make you laugh, and, on occasion, cry with you....
Selfie
Full of thrilling and unexpected connections among history, psychology, economics, neuroscience, and more, Selfie is an unforgettable book that makes sense of who we have become. Selfie tells the epic tale of the person we all know so intimately - because it's us....
Self Love Yoga
Go on a Self Love Yoga journey without ever stepping on the mat! Unless you really want to! Self love should not be a one-size-fits-all recipe, but a very personal journey as we all have our own individual love languages. A self-love yoga practice can help you do just that....
