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Bedtime Stories for Cynics
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman, Phoebe Robinson, David Spade, Maria Bamford, Patton Oswalt, Wyatt Cenac, Tommy Chong, Lewis Black, Tony Hale, Natasha Leggero, John O’Hurley, Nick Thune, Brent Weinbach
- Length: 1 hr and 42 mins
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5 out of 5 stars
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3 out of 5 stars
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Hi! I’m Seth! I was asked to describe my audiobook, Yearbook for websites and shit like that, so...here it goes!!! Yearbook is a collection of true stories that I desperately hope are just funny at worst, and life-changingly amazing at best. (I understand that it’s likely the former, which is a fancy “book” way of saying “the first one.”) I talk about my grandparents, doing stand-up comedy as a teenager, bar mitzvahs, and Jewish summer camp, and tell way more stories about doing drugs than my mother would like.
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4 out of 5 stars
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5 out of 5 stars
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A man. His ex-girlfriend's cat. A sadistic game show unlike anything in the universe: a dungeon crawl where survival depends on killing your prey in the most entertaining way possible. In a flash, every human-erected construction on Earth - from Buckingham Palace to the tiniest of sheds - collapses in a heap, sinking into the ground. The buildings and all the people inside have all been atomized and transformed into the dungeon: an 18-level labyrinth filled with traps, monsters, and loot.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A refreshing take on apocalyptical LITRPG
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Publisher's summary
Are the kids asleep? Yes? Good. This one isn’t for them. Now, if your weary, grown-up mind has been searching for a snarkier alternative to your favorite childhood tales, this Audible Original, hosted by Nick Offerman (Parks & Recreation), will scratch that itch - and then some. Enjoy a hilarious collection of short stories, featuring performances from the likes of Tommy Chong (Cheech & Chong), Tony Hale (Veep), Patton Oswalt (The Goldbergs), and David Spade (Saturday Night Live).
Contains explicit content.
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Two years after successfully melting down the top secret sperm bank under the Space Needle, the CLITO collective (Community of Lesbians Inclusive To Others) is thriving on their newly acquired private island, Lesbos 2. All is well in their queer utopia. Or is it? Investigative reporter Sarah Keebler (Sarah Steele) is piecing together the crew's previous heist for her bombshell true-crime podcast–and getting dangerously close to the truth.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,206
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Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,562
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,598
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,573
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
Hot White Heist 2
- By: Adam Goldman
- Narrated by: Bowen Yang, Jane Lynch, Cynthia Nixon, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 38 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 248
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 242
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 242
Two years after successfully melting down the top secret sperm bank under the Space Needle, the CLITO collective (Community of Lesbians Inclusive To Others) is thriving on their newly acquired private island, Lesbos 2. All is well in their queer utopia. Or is it? Investigative reporter Sarah Keebler (Sarah Steele) is piecing together the crew's previous heist for her bombshell true-crime podcast–and getting dangerously close to the truth.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
AS FUN AS SEASON1
- By Robert on 03-07-24
By: Adam Goldman
-
Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,206
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,677
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 15,611
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
-
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,094
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 970
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 966
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
-
I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 55,716
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,196
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 49,940
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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George Carlin Reads to You
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5 out of 5 stars
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In this essay, Norm Macdonald’s philosophy of life, death, and comedy is sketched out thematically from his original material, as well as from extant interviews with him and profiles of him over the years. Among his fellow comedians, Norm Macdonald was widely hailed as one of the funniest men alive, a DGAF Mark Twain whose unique combination of cadence, persona, material, and delivery left a cultural impact that greatly outsized the limited commercial success he experienced. To his fans, Norm’s everyman persona engendered a sense of relatability and connection. But there were aspects of...
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1 out of 5 stars
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By far his worst work to date.
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5 out of 5 stars
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1 out of 5 stars
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By far his worst work to date.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,206
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5 out of 5 stars
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Fact or Fiction 2
- 50 (More) Popular Myths Explained
- By: Scientific American
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 48
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 43
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 43
The editors of Scientific American’s best-selling Fact or Fiction: Science Tackles 58 Popular Myths return with Fact or Fiction 2: 50 (More) Popular Myths Explained. We cast an analytical eye on another collection of urban lore and cultural myths that persist so long in our collective consciousness they acquire a ring of truth. Who hasn’t heard the “five-second rule”, which insists that food dropped on the floor is safe to eat if it’s picked up within five seconds? How many of us have been told to “feed a cold, starve a fever"?
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5 out of 5 stars
-
great info
- By jim on 03-26-24
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Gumption
- Relighting the Torch of Freedom with America's Gutsiest Troublemakers
- By: Nick Offerman
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- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,670
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 5,206
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 5,184
The star of Parks and Recreation and author of the New York Times best seller Paddle Your Own Canoe returns with a second book that humorously highlights 21 figures from our nation’s history, from her inception to present day - Nick’s personal pantheon of “great Americans". After the great success of his autobiography, Paddle Your Own Canoe, Offerman now focuses on the lives of those who inspired him. From George Washington to Willie Nelson, he describes 21 heroic figures and why they inspire in him such great meaning.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Swagger and mirth
- By Tamara Shope on 09-14-15
By: Nick Offerman
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64th Man
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,563
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,209
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,195
In sports, everybody loves redemption stories, the underdog who no one believes in but through sheer hard work wins it all. But no one tells the stories of the players who work hard and don’t make it. In pro football, 53 guys get on the roster. Ten make it to the practice squad. And then there’s the 64th Man - that’s Billy Logan (Cena), who seems to always be one spot from glory.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
I LOVE YOU JOHN CENA!
- By Victoria on 11-15-19
By: Bryan Tucker, and others
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Benefits with Friends
- Starring Mae Martin and Sabrina Jalees
- By: Mae Martin, Sabrina Jalees
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- Original Recording
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 56
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 56
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 56
Sex, money, religion...all topics that we’re told to avoid in polite company. But exactly the kind of conversations you should be having with your bestie, according to best friends of more than 20 years, Mae Martin (Feel Good) and Sabrina Jalees (Roast Battle). Romantic couples are often guided through the conversations they should be having before committing to each other–but what are the topics that best friends should be covering to truly get to know each other?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Love!!
- By Meghan Jacobson on 04-23-24
By: Mae Martin, and others
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Escape from Virtual Island
- An Audio Comedy
- By: John Lutz
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 6,857
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,082
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Story4 out of 5 stars 6,079
In the year 2038, there’s only one destination that can play host to the world’s wealthiest adventure seekers: the Pengalaman Island Resort and Virtual Reality Theme Park. Located on a private South Pacific island, guests here live out their wildest fantasies in custom-made virtual reality simulations while also enjoying the usual amenities of an exclusive five-star getaway. All is relatively breezy until famed billionaire and avid guest, Mr. Wagner, goes missing within a virtual simulation. His only hope? A daring rescue led by Derek Ambrose and his ragtag search party.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
Story is a Bit Stupid
- By Jeffrey veals on 04-03-20
By: John Lutz
-
Lewis and Kathleen Escape to Canada
- By: Lewis Black, Kathleen Madigan
- Length: 45 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 303
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 264
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 260
Lewis Black has built a career on giving voice to the anger of Americans. His standup fills theaters across the country and his appearances on The Daily Show draw hoards Online and on TV. But the current political climate is driving Lewis and his long-time comedy partner, Kathleen Madigan, north for an extended tour of Canada. Lewis and Kathleen Escape to Canada is a stand-up album with way more than just jokes. The Grammy-award winning comedian performs rants sent in from the public, and he and Kathleen respond to them from the stage.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
I was disappointed
- By John Hoop on 10-24-18
By: Lewis Black, and others
-
What If?
- Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions
- By: Randall Munroe
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 13,876
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 12,367
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 12,291
Millions of people visit xkcd.com each week to read Randall Munroe's iconic webcomic. His stick-figure drawings about science, technology, language, and love have a large and passionate following. Fans of xkcd ask Munroe a lot of strange questions. What if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90 percent of the speed of light? How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? If there were a robot apocalypse, how long would humanity last?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Hope You got an A in Math and Physics...
- By Rod on 09-13-14
By: Randall Munroe
-
Paddle Your Own Canoe
- One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living
- By: Nick Offerman
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman
- Length: 10 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 13,084
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 11,861
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 11,782
Growing a perfect moustache, grilling red meat, wooing a woman - who better to deliver this tutelage than the always charming, always manly Nick Offerman, best known as Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson? Combining his trademark comic voice and very real expertise in woodworking - he runs his own woodshop - Paddle Your Own Canoe features tales from Offerman's childhood in small-town Minooka, Illinois, to his theater days in Chicago, beginnings as a carpenter/actor and the hilarious and magnificent seduction of his now-wife Megan Mullally.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
On the need to acknowledge the role luck plays
- By OpenMindedNotCredulous on 11-17-13
By: Nick Offerman
-
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,094
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 970
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Story4 out of 5 stars 966
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
-
Twain’s Feast
- By: Audible Originals
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman
- Length: 4 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 12,020
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 10,904
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 10,855
Mark Twain, beloved American writer, performer, and humorist, was a self-proclaimed glutton. With the help of a chef and some friends, Nick Offerman presents the story of Twain’s life through the lens of eight of Mark Twain’s favorite foods.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Audible Recycling
- By Greg Hill on 11-17-18
-
Napalm & Silly Putty
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: George Carlin
- Length: 2 hrs and 28 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 225
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 193
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 190
Yes, George Carlin is here with more of what he did better than any other comic: uproarious observations, laser-targeted crankiness, linguistic legerdemain, and inspired weirdness. ("If the shoe fits, get another just like it." "When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.") Napalm & Silly Putty is just what his fans have been waiting for—another generous helping of notions, nonsense, assertions, assumptions, mockery, merriment, silliness, sarcasm, and, to be sure, plenty of disturbing references and toxic alienation.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Good, but not like the stand-up
- By Anonymous User on 10-10-21
By: George Carlin
What listeners say about Bedtime Stories for Cynics
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Elizabeth
- 10-23-19
💗😁💗
grrrrreat! the main narrator presenting the stories was my fave part, but absolutely loved everything about it
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story3 out of 5 stars
- Hitch
- 08-23-19
Petty Good
Loved the narration and all star cast. It just wasn't as good as the other book.
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-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- BA25000
- 01-20-20
great
loved it! made me laugh and smile. loves all the stories and the comedians. awesome
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-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story2 out of 5 stars
- Duhaney
- 11-21-21
uhhmm! 😴😴😴
was this supposed to be funny. mission accomplished, I guess!!! . performance great but the content is wanting. 😴😴😴
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Rakayia Holmes
- 04-28-22
Hilarious
I enjoyed all of these stories! The intro's had me on the floor laughing. My work is stressful sometimes and listening to this while doing crappy tasks made the time fly! Thanks for every story. I looked up a couple times and was like....wait. Very good and easy listen. I will certainly replay on restless nights. 🌙
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Cakegirl
- 01-30-22
Fun Collection
Loved this fun assortment of stories. The vocal performances especially the narration by Nick Offerman was great.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Victor R.
- 09-29-22
great adult stories
great stories and a great cast of celebrities to voice different stories. highly recommend
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Karen
- 04-10-23
I'm no rat!
Hilariously new take on childhood stories we all grew up listening to. Loved it!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story3 out of 5 stars
- Nessa
- 05-23-19
Depressingly Funny
Firstly, if you had a childhood where you grew up on fairy tales, DO NOT listen to this book. It will literally spoil every single beautiful fairy tale you knew and loved so much as it turns every single one into something horrifying. Don't get me wrong, they are extremely funny but I was so surprised at the outcome of some of these stories...lo... I'm sorry, I can't give a straight comment on this book.
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5 people found this helpful
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- C.D.
- 05-21-19
Not for sensitive people
Hysterical i couldnt stop listening, abosolutly worth it.... Nick Offerman performance is as always stellar.....
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4 people found this helpful