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Girl Walks into a Bar...
- Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle
- Narrated by: Rachel Dratch
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
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Publisher's summary
In this side-splitting memoir, the former Saturday Night Live star recounts the hilarious adventures and unexpected joy of dating and becoming a mother when she least expected it - at the age of 44.
Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians."
Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog-sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose? Resigned to childlessness but still hoping for romance, Dratch was out for drinks with a friend when she met John.
Handsome and funny, after only six months of dating long-distance, he became the inadvertent father of her wholly unplanned, undreamed-of child and moved to New York to be a dad. With riotous humor, Dratch recounts breaking the news to her bewildered parents, the awe of her single friends, and the awkwardness of a baby-care class where the instructor kept tossing out the f-word.
Filled with great behind-the-scenes anecdotes from Dratch's time on SNL, Girl Walks into a Bar is a refreshing version of the "happily ever after" story that proves female comics - like best sellers Tina Fey and Chelsea Handler - are truly having their moment.
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Part memoir, part comedy routine, part advice manual, Challenge Accepted! is Celeste at her best, revealing her secrets to love, friendship, family, and marriage (oh hai, #hothusband), and how to deal with life’s many challenges - why she checks the bath for sharks, how Nutella quite literally shaped who she is as a woman, and why being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s real, like totally, really real.
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Prepare to crack up in the grocery store
- By Chicago_Mama on 05-30-19
By: Celeste Barber
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I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends
- Confessions of a Reality Show Villain
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- Narrated by: Courtney Robertson
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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I didn't come here to make friends
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By: Courtney Robertson, and others
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Dirty Daddy
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Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
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By: Bob Saget
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A Little Bit Wicked
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In this frank and funny memoir, the Tony Award-winning star of stage and screen shares her journey from small-town Oklahoma to big-time Broadway, vamping on what it takes to stand firmly on a foundation of family and faith while wearing a hot pair of Jimmy Choo platform sling-backs.
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Salt of the Earth + Sparkles
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
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From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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American on Purpose
- The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
- By: Craig Ferguson
- Narrated by: Craig Ferguson
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
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In American on Purpose, Craig Ferguson delivers a moving and achingly funny memoir of living the American dream as he journeys from the mean streets of Glasgow, Scotland, to the comedic promised land of Hollywood. Along the way, he stumbles through several attempts to make his mark - as a punk rock musician, a construction worker, a bouncer, and, tragically, a modern dancer.
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Unabashedly Honest
- By Diane on 12-09-09
By: Craig Ferguson
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The Wrong End of the Table
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- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
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- Narrated by: Julia Sweeney
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Since her time on Saturday Night Live, where she created the infamous androgynous character "Pat", Julia Sweeney has gone on to establish herself as a witty, captivating performer of one-woman shows, like God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God. She gave a TED talk sharing how she explained the birds and the bees to her eight-year-old daughter, Mulan, which ignited an incredible response. Now, when it comes to talking about motherhood, people want to hear what Julia has to say.
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I Love Julia Sweeney
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By: Julia Sweeney
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Here's the Story
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Marcia Brady, eldest daughter on television's The Brady Bunch, had it all. But what viewers didn't know about the always sunny, perfect Marcia was that offscreen, her real-life counterpart, Maureen McCormick was living a very different - and not so wonderful - life. Maureen tells the shocking and inspirational true story of the beloved teen and the woman she became.
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Gripping
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The Unspeakable
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It's a report tempered by hard times. In "Matricide", Daum unflinchingly describes a parent's death and the uncomfortable emotions it provokes; and in "Diary of a Coma" she relates her own journey to the twilight of the mind. But Daum also operates in a comic register. With perfect precision, she reveals the absurdities of the marriage-industrial complex, of the New Age dating market, and of the peculiar habits of the young and digital.
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Complaining about her dead mom.
- By Erik Hermansen on 11-23-14
By: Meghan Daum
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Has Anyone Seen My Pants?
- By: Sarah Colonna
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Has Anyone Seen My Pants? is a laugh-out-loud trip around America (and Mexico!) with Sarah as she braves crying in nail salons, mother-daughter road trips, Iowan casinos, and single-shaming resorts. From a fling-gone-wrong to friend breakups and a new romance, Sarah's signature wit and sharp observations take you on a journey at once so deviously funny and surprisingly compassionate that it might just steal your heart - not to mention your pants.
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clearance shelf material
- By lisa martinez on 04-28-15
By: Sarah Colonna
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What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding
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Kristin Newman spent her 20s and 30s dealing with the stresses of her high-pressure job as a television comedy writer, and the anxieties of watching most of her friends get married and start families while she wrestled with her own fear of both. Not ready to settle down and yet loathe to become a sad-sack single girl, Kristin instead started traveling the world, often alone, for a few months each year, falling madly in love with attractive locals who provided moments of the love she wanted without the cost of the freedom she needed.
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Struggled to Finish
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Dirty Thirty
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As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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What listeners say about Girl Walks into a Bar...
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- LARRY
- 04-30-12
Hanging out with Rachel Dratch
Would you listen to Girl Walks into a Bar... again? Why?
Yes, because there is ALWAYS something new for me to hear.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Girl Walks into a Bar...?
The letter from Doug.
What does Rachel Dratch bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
See additional Comments
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Both! There were some really funny parts and some parts that made me shed a tear.
Any additional comments?
I just finished the audio book. It is SO funny! It’s open & honest with a slight edginess. It’s that edginess that is it’s GREATEST charm. Listening to Rachel's easy conversational style, I get the feeling that I’m hanging out, (at a bar, of course, with a couple of glasses of Pinot) talking to an old friend.
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16 people found this helpful
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- Heather
- 06-26-13
I wanted to like this more than I did
Is there anything you would change about this book?
I felt like Rachael Dratch was a little whiney. The most interesting part was where she was describing her days with Second City (the try, try again section) as most of us can identify with not getting what we want right off the bat of having a great idea. Other than that, she seemed fixated on how she was type cast by the Saturday Night Live aristocracy and how Hollywood followed that "type". I personally never liked the "Debbie Downer" franchise of Dratch's, that she brings up as a sample of success at SNL. I found it too irritating to be really funny. But calling this skit to mind seemed apt as it matched the tenor of this memoir. Sorry Rachael! I wanted to like this more than I did. Wasn't there anything funny about sitting around back stage at SNL?
What do you think your next listen will be?
Won't be one.
How did the narrator detract from the book?
See above.
If this book were a movie would you go see it?
No.
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- PeanutMom
- 10-01-14
Loves it!
Would you listen to Girl Walks into a Bar... again? Why?
Yes, feels like you are in the car with your best friend.
Which character – as performed by Rachel Dratch – was your favorite?
Baby F'in Nurse!
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I laughed and cried, a great story!
Any additional comments?
Love the mix of SNL and her personal life. Very touching and honest.
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- Dave M
- 08-14-14
Need some cheese with this whine
What did you like best about Girl Walks into a Bar...? What did you like least?
Well I always liked Rachel based on her performances, I was hoping this would be a funny casual listen but this is a total whine fest about how much her life sucks.
What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)
Still slogging through, couple hours to go
Which scene was your favorite?
None really
If this book were a movie would you go see it?
No
Any additional comments?
Worth avoiding unless your life sucks more than hers
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- AnnShamrock
- 05-31-16
i LOVE Rachel Dratch! Highly recommend.
Would you consider the audio edition of Girl Walks into a Bar... to be better than the print version?
Listening to Rachel read her book must be 100 times better than reading it yourself
What was one of the most memorable moments of Girl Walks into a Bar...?
too many to rememeber
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- Janet Hawaryliw
- 02-22-16
Engaging, insightful and of course, hilarious
I enjoyed this novel on a very long car ride and do not require one single cup of coffee for the entire duration due to the engaging hilarity Rachel Dratch treated me to. If you are a person, you should like this audiobook.
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- Nelly Norrell
- 08-21-15
A Human Celebrity
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
I wish more people would read this book b/c it is both funny and genuine. This is one of the few times that a celebrity opens herself up enough to seem like an actual human being instead of someone trying to sell you some spin.
What other book might you compare Girl Walks into a Bar... to and why?
Like Tina Fey's memoir but somehow a little more personal.
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
I thoroughly enjoyed some of her accounts of new mommy drudgery.
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- Penny
- 09-15-15
Love it. Need to see Rachel on t.v. again.
in her own words Rachel fills the listener in on her life after SNL and 30 Rock. I hope she does a follow up book.
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- Laurie
- 05-13-13
Loved it!
Where does Girl Walks into a Bar... rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
This is the only the 2nd audiobook I have listened it, but I did not want it to end.
Which character – as performed by Rachel Dratch – was your favorite?
Rachel herself
Any additional comments?
I love the Rachel does not take herself too seriously. Her take on some of her experiences with her career, trying to find love, having a baby, etc had me laughing out loud on numerous occasions. She is hilarious, smart and a great storyteller. By the end of the book I felt like I knew her and was sad to say goodbye.
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- deirdre
- 07-04-13
Living the dream
It's fun to spend time with this gal, and learn about her creative journey, her dating adventures. Unsentimental and funny, a valuable perspective on reaching mid-age, mid-career, being baby-with and baby-without.
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