Countless Hues of Crimson
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Narrated by:
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Pip Ballantine
About this listen
From the writers of the Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences comes the erotic novel you haven't been waiting for.
Anastasia Brassingware is a daughter of English aristocracy, but her station has been brought low by her father's belief in ridiculous quick schemes. Now forced into penury, she must take any menial job.
A chance meeting with enigmatic pineapple merchant, Lord Heathcliff Redd, has changed everything. Drawn in by his brooding ways, the maiden discovers the pineapple merchant's darker pleasures, and technological wonders that do more than just core his tropical bounties with ease.
Take caution, dear listener. This is a novel of shadow, of desire, and of wanton lust. This novella is not a collection of standing orders for a clandestine organization within Her Majesty's government. No sir. No how. No way. Nowhere in this scintillating novel of erotic perversion are coded messages intended for agents that investigate the strange, the bizarre, and the unnatural. No. In this novella is good British smut, just the way God intended. This is the story of a wide-eyed ingénue innocent to carnal pleasures, a wealthy English lord with a pineapple fetish, and fresh fruit bending to their will.
No standing orders whatsoever.
©2017 Pip Ballantine and Tee Morris (P)2017 Pip Ballantine and Tee MorrisListeners also enjoyed...
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Performance
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Raised in scandal, Lord Michael de Grey is convinced that love is a losing gamble - and seduction the only game worth playing. But when duty threatens to trump everything he desires, the only way out is marriage to a woman of his brother’s choosing. Elizabeth Chudderley is delightful, delicious - and distressingly attractive. With such a captivating opponent, Michael isn’t quite sure who is winning the game. How can such passionate players negotiate a marriage of necessity - when their hearts have needs of their own?
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I hated for it to end!
- By Libby on 08-05-15
By: Meredith Duran
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To Taste Temptation
- Legend of the Four Soldiers, Book 1
- By: Elizabeth Hoyt
- Narrated by: Anne Flosnik
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Britain’s high society—le bon ton—loves nothing more than a good scandal, and they’re giddy with the appearance of wealthy Samuel Hartley. Not only is he self-made, American, and in the habit of wearing moccasins, but he is also notorious for fleeing a battle in which several English gentlemen lost their lives. Lady Emeline Gordon is captivated by Samuel. Not only does he defy convention with his unusual dress, his sensual smile, and his forthright manner, but he survived the battle that killed her beloved brother.
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Loved It
- By Cathie on 10-26-10
By: Elizabeth Hoyt
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One Night with the Duke
- By: Jodi Ellen Malpas
- Narrated by: Aurora Dawson-Hunte
- Length: 10 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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It's 1814 and nineteen‑year‑old Eliza Melrose is about to be launched into London's high society—much to her dismay. The last thing she wants is a husband. Eliza's "misplaced" thirst for adventure, knowledge and the creative word is a bone of contention for her father, who battles endlessly to keep her curiosity and ambitions in check, for women are not meant to ask questions or give opinions in matters of business. But then she meets the youngest son of the late Duke of Chester, a disgraced nobleman who is shrouded in mystery and proving quite impossible to resist.
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I must be missing something. this is not so good.
- By Knottymom on 04-29-23
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Goddess of the Hunt
- Wanton Dairymaid, Book 1
- By: Tessa Dare
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Baker
- Length: 12 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Lucy Waltham is hunting for a husband, but she needs some target practice. She turns to her brother's cold-as-ice best friend, Jeremy Trescott, the earl of Kendall, to test her seductive wiles on him before setting her sights on another man. But her practice kisses spark a smoldering passion - one that could send all her plans up in smoke.
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GREAT til Ch. 26 (Warning & Reason for 3 Stars!)
- By A. American Woman on 09-17-22
By: Tessa Dare
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Once a Duchess
- Crimson Romance, Book 1
- By: Elizabeth Boyce
- Narrated by: Rachael Beresford
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
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Isabelle Lockwood was a duchess, until her husband of only a few months wrongfully divorced her for adultery. Since then she's been a pariah, living in anonymous exile to escape the prying eyes and wagging tongues of the town. More than anything, Isabelle longs for a family of her own, and so has to marry again. But society is ruthlessly unforgiving. To clear her name, Isabelle must face down her past - and the man who broke her heart and ruined her completely. Marshall Lockwood, Duke of Monthwaite, was blindsided by his young bride's infidelity.
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Great Listen, Wonderful Story
- By Kirsten Wilson on 05-01-18
By: Elizabeth Boyce
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The Duke Goes Down
- The Duke Hunt
- By: Sophie Jordan
- Narrated by: Carolyn Morris
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Peregrine Butler’s privileged blue-blooded world is rocked to the core when it is revealed he was born before his parents’ marriage and therefore is not the legal heir to the dukedom. Facing ruin, Perry must use his charm and good looks to win an heiress - all the while ignoring his fascination with the one interfering and alluring chit who is intent on sabotaging his efforts.
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Can you spell awful?
- By PennyLou on 02-02-22
By: Sophie Jordan
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Venus
- By: Jane Feather
- Narrated by: Gemma Dawson
- Length: 14 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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The last thing Lord Nicholas Kincaid expected to see in the gloom of a London tavern was a vision of loveliness. And when she led him to a bedchamber with a come-hither smile, there was no question of resisting - until he realized the lying wench meant to render him senseless so the landlord could rob him blind!
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Mispronounciations abound!
- By 🌿🌸Susynne🌸🌿 on 07-16-14
By: Jane Feather
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Steam and Sorcery
- By: Cindy Spencer Pape
- Narrated by: Helen Stern
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Sir Merrick Hadrian hunts monsters, both human and supernatural. A Knight of the Order of the Round Table, his use of magick and the technologies of steam power have made him both respected and feared. But his considerable skills are useless in the face of his greatest challenge, guardianship of five unusual children. At a loss, Merrick enlists the aid of a governess....
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light read
- By Marcelina on 02-07-13
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The Mermaid and Mrs. Hancock
- A Novel
- By: Imogen Hermes Gowar
- Narrated by: Juliet Stevenson
- Length: 17 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In 1780s London, a prosperous merchant finds his quiet life upended when he unexpectedly receives an unusual creature - and meets a most extraordinary woman - in this much-lauded, atmospheric debut that examines our capacity for wonder, obsession, and desire. One September evening in 1785, Jonah Hancock hears an urgent knocking on his front door near the docks of London. The captain of one of Jonah’s trading vessels is waiting eagerly on the front step, bearing shocking news. On a voyage to the Far East, he sold the Jonah’s ship for something rare and far more precious: a mermaid.
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Gave up
- By Isabella Piestrzynska on 10-27-18
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While the Duke Was Sleeping
- The Rogue Files
- By: Sophie Jordan
- Narrated by: Carmen Rose
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Shopgirl Poppy Fairchurch knows it's pointless fantasizing about the Duke of Autenberry. Still, dreams can't hurt anyone, unlike the carriage Poppy spies bearing down upon the unsuspecting duke. After she pulls him to safety, the duke lapses into a coma, and Poppy is mistaken for his fiancée. But one person isn't fooled: his arrogant and much too handsome half brother, Struan Mackenzie. Soon Poppy isn't sure what she wants more: the fantasy of her duke or the reality of one smoldering Scot who challenges her.
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Good Remake
- By MVA on 10-31-16
By: Sophie Jordan
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The Princess and the Peer
- Princess Brides Series, Book 1
- By: Tracy Anne Warren
- Narrated by: Justine Eyre
- Length: 11 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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When a royal summons from her brother arrives, Emma knows it's time to embrace her duties as the princess of a small European kingdom and marry the man her brother has chosen for her, a stranger she has never met. Instead, she does what any self-respecting princess would do - she runs away. All she wants is one week in London. One week to experience everything life has to offer, before she is locked away in a loveless marriage forever. Former naval captain Nick Gregory has inherited a title he never wanted.
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GOOD - BUT I THOUGHT BOOK 2 WAS BETTER
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 12-23-12
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The Inventor's Secret
- By: Andrea Cremer
- Narrated by: Leslie Bellair
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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In this world, sixteen-year-old Charlotte and her fellow refugees have scraped out an existence on the edge of Britain’s industrial empire. Though they live by the skin of their teeth, they have their health (at least when they can find enough food and avoid the Imperial Labor Gatherers) and each other. When a new exile with no memory of his escape or even his own name seeks shelter in their camp he brings new dangers with him and secrets about the terrible future that awaits all those who have struggled has to live free of the bonds of the empire’s Machineworks.
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Devolved into a 16 year old girls' love triangle
- By Amazon Customer on 06-17-21
By: Andrea Cremer
What listeners say about Countless Hues of Crimson
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Moondog
- 02-23-17
An erotic hoot.
I love Pip's voice and I like the Ministry or Peculiar Occurrences books. So I gave this a try. Hey, sexy cover, a hint at naughtiness, why not. Good decision. Funny, sexy, different. Mr. Pineapple? Steam powered spanking robot? I'll stop there.
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-20-17
another great listen
i have always enjoyed thier stories , but this was a pleasnt step up! she has the voice of a temptress and this tilting tale was edgy and vicariously, totally satisfying . Thanks from all my stimulated parts .
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- BRKyle
- 03-03-17
A Brilliant Parody
You don't even need to have listened to Fifty Shades. Parody at its best. Biting but also entertaining in its own right.
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- AngelC76
- 06-27-24
Absolutely hilarious!
This book lives up - or down - to it's reputation in the series. Bravo!!
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- Josh Wilson
- 06-29-17
well..
per the quote in Dimond conspiracy about this book:
"a book no one in their right mind would read"
seems about right.
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