Like so many humans living in the age of selfies, Zoom, and always-on social media, I'm prone to overscrutinizing my appearance: The lines that tell the story of my life's vast and varied emotional responses. The effects on my shape of approximately 20 months of pregnancy. Maskne. The vestiges of a pricey dye job I treated my hair to just one week before the virus sent us into quarantine. When I'm constantly staring into a digital camera to work, play, and be an engaged member of society, it's increasingly difficult to ignore the outward appearance of this vessel that carries the thing I call "me."
I haven't always been kind to this vessel that contains me, either. I've said mean things about it, I've mistreated it, I've subjected it to questionable potions both internally and externally. I've taken it for granted. I've deprived it of the experiences it deserves (running headlong into the ocean in actual clothes is less fun than in a bathing suit). And I've potentially sent a harmful message to my children: "Your body is something to be hidden—or, worse, I won't share memory-making experiences of frolicking in the sand with you because I'm too ashamed of my stretched-out, stretch-marked belly to take off my beach coverup. "
As with so many things I've taken for granted over the years—hugs, summer concerts, family visits—I'm finally starting to take a more grateful approach to what my body has done to keep me here. Am I feeling body positive? Almost. I would say I'm feeling more body-positive adjacent.
A good friend and I were recently discussing a body-positivity dating coach she's seeing (yes, they exist!). We went back and forth on the concept of body positivity altogether, and whether it's realistic to be shiny, positive, upbeat, and giddy about the state of our 40-something bodies, which seem to be rebelling against us regularly. (Relatedly, if anyone knows a good remedy for joints that crack so loudly they wake your partner from a deep sleep, by all means share.)
During this time of lowered expectations of what life might be, my friend and I both have been downloading a lot of works that are best described as low-pressure self-care (many of which can be found below). Works that don't demand that you be your best self at all times, or that you even strive to take a sunnier view of yourself. We've been tending more toward the listens that invite you to cut yourself some slack, and maybe, just maybe, celebrate your so-called weaknesses.
As for my body: I wouldn't say what I'm feeling toward it right now is unalloyed positivity (is there anything to feel that way about in the midst of a pandemic?). Rather, I'm feeling what I'd like to call "body neutrality." I may not be ready to throw on that itty-bitty monokini and broadcast it to the world on every possible social channel, but I'll definitely dip my toe into the water of shame-free physicality. This body is doing its job, it's not holding me back, and by god, that just might be enough for now.
Beyond Beautiful
Radical Acceptance
An inspirational book of teachings from author Tara Brach that offers a path to freedom by healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships....
Body Kindness
Fearing the Black Body
The F*ck It Diet
Love Your Body
Louise L. Hay shows your how to Love Your Body....