Porn and full-service sex work are often described as demeaning professions, something a person would do only out of financial desperation, trauma, addiction or coercion. Pixie Mae presents a more nuanced perspective.

Many sex workers have spoken out against policies meant to “rescue” them from their chosen profession. Indeed, “the right to not be rescued” is one of the 6 rights identified by Sangram, a global sex worker organization.

Through her years as a sex worker, Pixie has found personal power in the work, using her body and sexual creativity as a source of financial independence, Like 1 in 3 women, Pixie has survived sexual trauma; her sex work has helped her heal and reclaim her sexual agency. She also sees her clients experience healing and emotional growth through her work.

In a society that tells us that our work is reproachable, Pixie offers affirmation and recommendations for sex workers looking to reclaim their personal power.

@Vanessacliff2

In mainstream media, autism is often depicted as a deterrent to successful romantic or sexual relationships. Steph presents an alternate perspective: autism is a different way of thinking and being that can be harnessed as interpersonal superpowers. For example, autistic people are often highly empathetic, have a strong moral compass and are more comfortable with direct communication. Autism can also be associated with different sensory and sexual desires. Embracing, rather than trying to “fix” these differences allows for a world of exciting freedom and possibility.

Both academic research and Steph’s personal and community experience suggest that forms of non-traditional sexuality, including kink, polyamory and queerness, are more prevalent among autistic people than the general public. Steph describes how BDSM kink allowed them to reconnect with their sexuality as they discovered the importance of novelty and sensation for the way they think and experience the world.

Comfort with thinking outside social norms and communicating their feelings directly with others now helps Steph sustain successful polyamorous relationships. Their partner joins us off-camera to discuss ways they interact with Steph’s neurodivergent thinking and communication styles.

This episode offers autistic people and their loved ones support and ideas in their journey of self-exploration and authentic sexual and romantic connections.

@Vanessacliff2

STI testing is the bedrock of a sustainable sex life, for everyone and especially for happily slutty adults. Most STIs today are easily identified and cured or treated. However, without easy access to testing and early detection, STIs can have devastating life consequences. Stigma, discrimination, fear, and lack of financial investment in preventive sexual healthcare all contribute to more difficulty accessing testing.

Madame X, a career-long nurse, joins us to discuss her experiences and perspectives on STIs. In her teens, Madame X contracted chlamydia. Without access to testing, she ended up finding out about the disease only after it had progressed to the point of needing hospitalization and causing irreparable damage to her reproductive organs.

Although information about and access to testing has improved over the years, today Madame X continues to see barriers to STI testing both in her personal and professional experience. She identifies some of the structural problems that limit access to preventive sexual healthcare and also describes ways that patients can advocate for themselves and help each other to access care.

@Vanessacliff2

Dating in the straight world often comes with a lot of gendered assumptions about who takes initiative, in what ways, and what sexual interactions look like. Unlearning these assumptions can be tough when beginning to pursue dates or relationships with queer folks.

Although Orion has had anonymous gay sex for two decades, he is just beginning to explore dating queer people in the light of day. In this episode, Orion interviews Vanessa, asking questions for advice on effective, kind and respectful ways to approach queer dating.

Vanessa is pansexual and has dated people of all genders, including queer and trans folks since she was 14. She caveats her perspective as limited to the life experience of a cisgender woman, including the suggestion that all dating interactions may be best approached from a beginner’s mindset, learning about each individual and their preferences.

Her proposals for respectful approaches to dating also have some universal application, including for straight men.

Being silly is often dismissed as frivolous, inappropriate and childish, incompatible with adult responsibilities. But a lot of research shows that silly play can be a life-giving activity, increasing creativity, reducing anxiety, and deepening social connections.

While T.Max has always enjoyed being silly in playful hobbies like snowboarding and skateboarding, over the last few years, they have begun applying the same mentality to BDSM kink play. Far from the popular imagination of BDSM as whips and screaming submission in a dungeon, T.Max describes an approach to kink that includes flowers, giggles, candles and easy-going exploration.

The approach to kink that T.Max describes is not for everyone, but it does offer an entry point to kink that may feel more accessible to many people. It also presents a mindset of curiosity and openness to asking and receiving no’s that allows for trying new things while still centering enthusiastic consent.

For many people, polyamory offers a host of benefits, like sexual and emotional freedom, deep connections with multiple people, and an abundance of love. However, it’s not without challenges, like balancing time between partners and managing jealousy and expectations.

The transition from monogamy to polyamory can be rocky for people new to an idea that isn’t often represented in media and societal expectations. Adrian describes their first transition into open relationships, including their initial struggle with self-doubt and shame. Eventually, they found other polyamorous partners and developed self-acceptance around their relationship desires. They also continued learning through the experience of dating a previously monogamous partner and exploring polyamory for the first time.

Today, Adrian leads a discussion and support group on health polyamory. Through this group, they have seen many couples new to polyamory studying and discussing how to enter this world. They share patterns they have observed and recommendations on how to best shed the “monogamy hangover” to enter into sustainable and positive non-monogamy.

When filming porn or exploring kink, like impact play, bondage, or humiliation, consent becomes more complex and nuanced than off-camera or vanilla sex. Hazel Havoc, a long-time pro-domme, pornstar and personal life kinkster, explains methods to ensure that all participants are experiencing BDSM and porn in a way that is positive and desirable.

Hazel uses a variety of communication strategies to prepare for scenes that range in their depth and formality depending on the circumstances. She shares the little card she keeps in her wallet to remind her of the categories of questions to check in about before play. She also describes the longer questionnaire she uses with more professional, complex scenes. Even with ample preparation, not every situation works for all participants; safe words, repair and aftercare are also important components of positive sex.

These approaches may be most useful for people engaging in BDSM play, or producing or starring in porn. However, the ethos of extensive conversation before, during and after play can also apply to less kinky sexual play and vanilla romantic partnerships, wherein negotiation deepens connection and trust.

Please note that this episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault.

Everyone processes relationship jealousy and traumatic experiences, like sexual assault, differently. Some people find that avoiding situations that cause jealousy and avoiding situations that remind them of their past experiences of assault help them remain emotionally healthy.

While these strategies are useful for many, Vanessa shares a different, potentially unconventional approach she uses to release trauma, fear and jealousy. Rather than avoiding the jealousy-provoking or triggering experiences, she leans into them, exposing herself to them in intimate settings, asking her partners for help eroticizing them through kink and sexual play.

Hearing intense details about the sexual activities of her partners and roleplaying with consensual non-consent (CNC) have allowed Vanessa to overcome years of struggle with these feelings. She offers recommendations for how this approach may be helpful for people exploring options to overcome fears like relationship abandonment and assault.