Stamford Bridge has been reduced to ashes after Chelsea and Arsenal played out a good old-fashioned barn burner in the Premier League.

Marcus, Luke and David get the pleasure of re-living it on today's Ramble. Plus, Harry Wilson once again gets his magic wand out and we try to help Andy Carroll sell his house.

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For all the tax-avoiding, non-dom citizens of Donaco out there – this one's for you.

Marcus officiates completely even-handedly as Luke faces the most unpredictable, irrational force of all: Pete Donaldson on a Friday. Fire up the V8 and get those eggs on!

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Show some f***ing respect. Today, Marcus, Luke and Pete explain why they expected more from Swiss football fans after the lovely Donyell Malen was targeted with missiles last night. They are meant to be neutral after all…

Elsewhere, Sean Dyche is starting to build a successful fort at Nottingham Forest and we’ve got a thigh rubber between Chelsea and Arsenal this weekend. Plus, Donny’s force to once again relive the trauma of his Holloway Road Christmas lights disaster.

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Marcus, Jim and Pete dust themselves down after a proper European goal fest, as Liverpool continue to suffer their worst run of form since the mid-1950s. Probably wasn’t ideal that Virgil van Dijk was trying to referee the game from centre-back and PSV’s Ivan Perišić kept slurping from the Fountain of Football Youth.

Elsewhere, Arsenal reach another level against Bayern, Spurs put in a better showing against PSG and Sheffield Wednesday are faced with the grimmest ownership choice imaginable: merge with Sheffield United… or Mike Ashley. Fold it. Fold the club.

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Estêvão - or "Steve" as Marcus likes to call him - put in a coming-of-age performance against Barcelona.

Today, Spellz is joined by Jim and David to reflect on last night's key learning: no player can resist hitting Marc Cucurella when given the opportunity. Plus, Pete shares an update from Marseille, and Alan Parry is unhappy with Gary Neville’s goalgasm.

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At home against 10 men after two of the opposition players had a dust-up, you probably should be winning that one.

Manchester United are back in their chaos era and Pete, Jim and Luke are here for it. Today, the lads revel in that while not forgetting to give some credit to David Moyes for getting his first win away at Old Trafford. Plus, Pete informs us that he’s off to Marseille tonight to stay with a man called Fang…

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It was a bad weekend for Liverpool and Tottenham in the Premier League. Is it time that they call Uri Geller? He'll surely sort it out.

Today, Marcus, Luke and David Cartlidge discuss that as well as Arsenal's title credentials. Plus, Marcus reveals the latest player he would like to be considered for the England squad.

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After a barn burning round of Jack's Encyclopaedia last week, it's My Biddy Aunt's turn to step up and provide the goods.

Marcus has a chance to unify the belts, but he'll need to get past the ever-growing Luke Nation and his army of goons if he's to do so. Pete's ready to officiate with his many, many buttons.

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