What happened to you was not okay. It never has been, and it never will be. If it was okay, you would have nothing to forgive, because to forgive someone is to release them from a debt they owe you. Therefore, the very act of forgiveness recognizes that something is wrong.

Forgiveness is not the removal of justice. Depending on the severity of the sin committed against you, your offender may still have to face serious consequences. A serial killer can be forgiven and locked up in jail with a life sentence at the same time. These acts are not incompatible.

Forgetfulness is not a synonym for forgiveness. If the other person is willing to make amends, you may be able to heal the relationship, but you can only be responsible for your side of the relationship—not theirs (Romans 12:18). Forgetting is unsafe. You can release someone from their debt without forgetting. Even addicts recognize that we do not return to abusers.

So why did Jesus instruct his followers to forgive then?

Forgiveness is a subversive form of love that brings healing to your life and de-empowers your oppressor. When you don’t forgive, it’s your life that becomes toxic. All of the hate, anger, and malice binds you more than it binds your enemy. It causes your mind not to think straight, your eyes not to see the truth, and your heart not to feel or empathize.

The patterns of this world are fueled by hatred, and Jesus refuses to be a part of it. Rather than give into the mindset of demons and fall prey to their effects on his life, he belts out from the cross in his last moments, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Even as he’s facing the injustice of being put in the electric chair with no crime committed, he refuses to let Satan taint his heart, soul, mind, or strength. He will not let the enemy carry any ground in his life. He remains a free human being, able to make free-will decisions for his Father rather than let the cold mechanical calculation of debt predetermine his reactions alongside demonic consultants.

Exorcism only works when participants are willing to forgive. Within the spiritual realm, unforgiveness operates as a demonic contract. Think of it this way: when we’re wronged, demons come along as spirit guides and attempt to teach us how to cope with the sins committed against us. They tell us we can trust them, but they build their recommendations for our lives around the hate that fuels the world. They tell us they’re protecting us, but really, they’re trying to destroy our lives and keep us bound with their lies. Until you heal through the pain, rebuke the false instructions you’ve been given, and break their contract through forgiveness, the demons will stay. They must have no choice but to go, and they will not if you’re willing to hang onto them in even the most minute way. If you let Jesus take the debt for you instead, he will teach you a more excellent, subversive way of love.

It’s not okay what happened to you. But respond the Jesus way before the demons capitalize on your situation. Take Paul’s advice: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27).

In this episode, Jamin Bradley, Amity Zenz, and Tasha Price discuss stories of forgiveness from their lives and in the Bible.