THE ONLY ONE THAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK IS YOU...

Today, I want to talk to you about why the only one that’s holding you back often is only you.

We spend years blaming circumstances for our stagnation, don’t we? We craft stories in our heads about why we can't move forward, believing them so completely that they often become true and are self-fulfilling prophecies. That voice in your head that says "not yet" or "maybe later" - that’s not wisdom, that’s just fear wearing a disguise.

You must recognise patterns like this. Here's what I've noticed; we're brilliant at protecting ourselves unconsciously from disappointment, by never starting anything at all. We rehearse conversations we'll never have, plan projects we never begin and dream dreams that will never become real. This is not because we lack the ability, but because, unconsciously, things always feel safer to stay where we are, than risking failure trying something new. The gap between who you are and who you want to be isn't filled with obstacles; it’s only filled with decisions you haven't made yet. Every day, you choose comfort over courage, but you're just voting for a life you've already got.

Here are some examples:

- You constantly talk about leaving an unfulfilling job to retrain for something else you feel more passionate about; but you’re not quite ready for, for four years now! The courses are available, the funding is there, but you’re terrified of becoming a beginner again at something. In the meantime, time has passed you by and you could have already obtained that qualification you were after. - You say you can't afford to pursue another passion, but the funny thing is, you've already spent about £3,000 or so on takeaways and coffee this year, without noticing! It’s not really about the money; it’s about what you're willing to sacrifice for what. - You sometimes hear people say that they're too anxious to try therapy to try to resolve a problem that causes them anxiety. But this is a bit like saying you're too ill to see a doctor. The thing they're avoiding is precisely the thing that could help them. They can only help themselves first as well by admitting to themselves that they need help.

That said, there are sometimes barriers that can be quite substantial. For example, chronic illness, caring for dependents, financial difficulties, etc. These aren’t excuses; they’re realities that may genuinely constrain choices. Pretending everyone has equal capacity to do whatever they want ignores the world as it actually exists, not as we'd like it to be.

So, today, please distinguish between barriers that are real and the ones you've built up in your own mind. Ask yourself what you're protecting by staying exactly where you are. Take one small action towards that thing that you've been avoiding and remember, at the end of the day, the only one that's holding you back is you!

Today, I want to talk to you about why you shouldn't be taken in and fooled by the new and shiny things that you come across in life. Whenever something new comes along, it's really exciting, isn't it? And you convince yourself that you just have to have it, as it will make your life so much better.

It's funny how we always convince ourselves that this is the thing that will finally sort everything out for us. But here's what I've learned over the years. We usually ditch things that actually work and have stood the test of time, just because something new appears.

This leaves us constantly chasing new things and never satisfied with what we have. In fact, we are often unhappier, not happier, because we later find that the thing we bought isn’t much better than what we had. We have additional unhappiness knowing we have now wasted hard-earned money on something we didn't need.

The real issue here isn't that new things exist, it's that we assume that new equals better, without question. Also, when we keep jumping to the next new thing, we waste time and energy restarting, relearning, readjusting etc. We also lose track of what matters; does it work, not is it new.

Here are some examples:

- You see people wanting the latest phones or gadgets. But their current phone or gadget works just fine. People spend a fortune on upgrades they don't need and, two weeks later, they can't usually even remember what's different about the new thing they bought!

- Someone buys every kitchen gadget that they see, uses it once, then puts it on a shelf, or it sits in a cupboard forevermore. Yet their mum's been cooking amazing meals for decades with just a decent pan, or another basic kitchen utensil. Says it all really.

- There's always someone trying every new fitness trend; one month it's this, the next month it's that; they never seem to stick with anything long enough to see results, but meanwhile, their friend, who runs or cycles just three times a week, always looks brilliant and is much healthier. ​ - People often ignore brilliant books, just because they're old, chasing whatever's trending instead. Yet it is those old books that are still around, because they're actually good. The trendy ones? Forgotten in six months.

That said, I’m not suggesting we reject everything new outright, just because it is new. Some innovations genuinely make life better. For example, medical breakthroughs, safety improvements, or tools to solve real problems. The trick, though, is working out if something's actually better or not, or if it just appeals to our magpie instincts.

So, today, please appreciate what's already working, before you start rushing off to buy the next new thing. And remember that you shouldn't let yourself be fooled by the new and shiny!

This week, I want to talk to you about why it's essential to embrace your unique self and explain how, by doing this, you enhance your authenticity with others and can foster more genuine connections and then always let your personality shine through in whatever you do.

Have you ever found yourself trying to be more serious than light-hearted with people? This may probably be because you consciously or unconsciously fear that people will think you need to be serious to be taken seriously. However, it is actually the opposite; people relate to you more and take you seriously when they see that you are human!

Try to express your true self in conversations or other types of expression? You will usually find that people are more likely to respond positively to you. In fact, your unique perspective can often inspire and engage others in more meaningful ways. It is about building genuine trust and creating memorable interactions with others.

Being authentic also helps cultivate self-confidence and allows you to navigate both personal and professional relationships with far more ease. Doing this will also often set you apart from the crowd and lead you to opportunities that align better with who you truly are.

Here are some examples:

- You will find that in friendships or relationships with family, genuine laughter and vulnerability deepen bonds with others more, making those relationships more fulfilling and resilient. - When you pursue work, tasks, or hobbies, more aligned with your interests and talents in life, rather than simply doing something that you think will help you fit in with others, it can lead you to have more fulfilling experiences and personal growth in life. - In interviews, or other formal environments, sharing personal stories that have happened to you, rather than giving rehearsed scripts or response, often leave a more lasting impression. These are the things that potential employers remember.

However, some people may argue that letting too much of your personality shine through sometimes can make you more vulnerable to criticism or misunderstandings. Therefore, it is crucial to try to always find a balance between authenticity and adaptability, depending on different social contexts. ​ So, this week, remember to always try to be your true self. As I've said, it enhances connections with others. Genuineness attracts a more loyal and empathetic audience for whatever you say or do. Embrace your uniqueness and always let your personality shine through in whatever you do!