Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of their community’s questions about addiction, betrayal, and more. In this episode, Dr. Rob explains the difference between intimacy and sex, why certain types of men/addicts cheat, and why the partners’ of addicts often self-blame; but it is completely not their fault. If you’re looking for additional support, Seeking Integrity has a number of free resources for both people with sex/porn addiction as well as their betrayed partners on the Seeking Integrity website.

TAKEAWAYS:

[0:45] You can’t control what your addict/betrayer is doing, so you need to protect and take care of you.

[5:00] If I have sex with him/her, will they stop their affairs?

[7:30] You deserve to be treated like a person. You deserve to be treated in a respectful manner.

[11:15] What happens to someone with a porn addiction?

[15:55] When you detox from porn, don’t switch to other compulsive behaviors.

[20:35] As someone with addictions, you are allowed to ask for a time out with your partner to calm down.

[22:35] Unfortunately, after you’ve hurt your partner, you can’t depend on them to boost your self-esteem.

[30:25] Dr. Rob, can you talk more about why it’s ‘not about sex’ when someone acts out sexually?

[39:50] How long should I go without physical intimacy after a betrayal?

[44:15] Please, please, please if you’re a betrayed partner, go to the doctor and get a full screening. Addicts lie and you need to take your health into your own hands.

[50:10] Why do betrayed partners stay with their addicts?

[55:00] Tami shares a few group resources for betrayed partners looking for support.

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

QUOTES

• “It’s not about you. It’s not how hot you are, how much weight you can lose, it’s not about any of that. No matter what, they’re gonna act out.”

• “Why would you sleep with someone you don’t trust? If you don’t trust him, don’t let him in your bed.”

• “Sex addicts prove that you can have sex without intimacy.”