• Johnny Depp Wins While America Loses

  • Jun 3 2022
  • Duración: 15 m
  • Podcast

Johnny Depp Wins While America Loses

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  • Well, we did it. We did it. We finally did it! Oh, come on. You know what I'm talking about. We. Did. It. That's right, we stuck to the man. We totally showed him dude. Johnny Depp is free. He's fucking free man. Alright. Alright! We really fucking did it. Good on us! Stupid pirate hats and cheap rum for everyone for you shall always remember this as the day that you almost caught an incredibly rich celebrity who cares absolutely nothing about you! Well done everyone. Well done. I'm clapping right now for you at this very moment. You did it. You gave Kyle Rittenhouse a reason to sue for defamation of character, and you should be very proud of yourself. Never in my life did I think a person who murdered someone would be able to sue for defamation of character. I underestimated you...or overestimated you...whichever one works. Anyway, the important thing is that you did something. You devoted months, some of you even over a year, to setting a legal precedent that could very well criminalize your right to speak out against abuse, especially when that abuse could or could not have been orchestrated by a person who is rich and famous. I mean, America, just when I think you couldn't possibly get any worse, you always surprise me. There really is no bottom in politics, no place to hide from the spin artists, nowhere to run from the bullshit artistry of the publicity stunt, the three-ring circus, the snake oil salesman. It's always there, waiting for you to slip up so it can shape and mold you as it pleases. But you don't care about legal precedent. I know. Trust me, I know. You care about Crybaby and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Pirates of the Carribean. You care about he Johnny Depp who appears to care about you, even if he really doesn't. And that's fine. I've accepted, over the years, that people want to have their cake and eat it too. You don't just want a flawed human being who struggles with rage just like most people. You want a superhero. You want Captain Jack Sparrow. You want to find neverland. That all makes sense in a very senseless way for that line of thought requires a dulling of the senses, especially those that sense scams. But I'm just talking nonsense of course. There's no way a megastar with millions on the line would ever lie to you. That doesn't happen. No, nothing ever happens in neverland, nothing too bad anyway. Everything is just right in a distorted kind of way. It's difficult to explain, especially if you've never been there. But, guess what? I've found it. That's right! I found neverland, and it had the most peculiar kind of behaviors. At one end of neverland, there is a man who shouts about free speech continuously. "Free Speech!", he shouts. "Free Speech!" But, the crazy thing is, the man yells "free speech" so much that he can barely hear himself talk and he certainly never listens to anyone else. There is also a woman dressed in her pajamas. She munches on candies, and pringles and crunches. She bites of her nails and pulls hair out in bunches. Then she shouts at the TV while she's on her lunches. "Liberal bias!", she shouts. "Conservative bias!", she mouths. No matter what the TV says, she points out a bias, but her bias is so biased she won't even try us. Then, toward the end, there's a man who hates women for hating men. He puffs out his chest and dances like a hen. "I hate all your hatred!", he squawks from his perch. "Damn all your self-love and self-care and self-worth! You're all far too selfish to think of myself first!" Then he nods off while watching Fox News Network. Then, at the end, there are nothing but cops. They mean you no harm until you think a free thought. Then it's off to jail for you to sit and rot. But there'll be no trials or fan mail for you, just a really high bail and no one to screw. And when you ask the cops why you are to blame, they'll tell you, for sure, their names you've defamed. There you will sit wondering how, the anti-woke folks have turned on you now

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