Identity is not a destination but a journey, especially for transracial adoptees. In this Episode we are diving into the conversation around transracial and transcultural adoption. I am honored to host Patrick Samuel Young Armstrong, a multifaceted individual, a podcaster, speaker, creator and a new father. Patrick's journey as a Korean-American, transracial and transcultural adoptee is a profound exploration of identity and acceptance. From a childhood marked by rejection to a transformative awakening at 30, Patrick's story is one of reclaiming and embracing his heritage and humanity all while fostering community within the adoptee and Asian American realms. Join us for a heartfelt conversation with Patrick.

Shownotes:

• Patrick’s first childhood memory

The circumstances surrounding his birth in Korea, and the subsequent adoption to Indiana at just three months old

• Patrick shares his recent efforts to connect with his birth mother and the unexpected developments in that search, shedding light on the emotional and personal challenges of tracing his roots
• The unexpected news from the adoptive agency and what followed.
• Why Partick wrote 40 letters to his birth mom.
• What happens when the protective layers we've built are stripped away, revealing an emotional void? Patrick discusses the tension between control and agency on the adoption journey
• The complex emotions of becoming a father for the first time. Reflecting on seeing his DNA in his child
• The tools and coping mechanisms that have been essential in navigating these life changes, including the crucial role of therapy
• Patrick shares about his first 30 years of navigating life as an Asian American adoptee in a predominantly white community. Growing up in a colorblind household, experiences of subtle and overt racism were often minimized or dismissed by family members, leading to internalized rejection of identity.
• The profound impact of rejection, particularly in the context of adoption, and how it shapes personal identity and emotional well-being. We reflect on the lack of historical research on adoption and the misconception that adopted children will seamlessly integrate into their new families.
• Patrick’s turning point triggered by a scene in the movie "Always Be My Maybe"
• Patrick shares about his journey of self-discovery and embracing his heritage and identity.
• The multifaceted nature of the foster care system ranging from loving homes to systemic issues that undermine the foster kids experience.
• The emotional and transformative journey of personal growth and mutual support between Patrick and his adoptive mother.

Connect with Patrick!

Instagram: @patrickintheworld

Podcasts:

1. The Janchi show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-janchi-show/id1529913015
2. Conversation Piece: https://www.conversationpiecepod.com/
3. Check Other

Studies:

“Too Korean to be white and too white to be Korean” :

https://www.holtinternational.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Too-Korean-to-be-White.pdf

The adoptee consciousness model:

https://intercountryadopteevoices.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/adoptee-consciousness-model.pdf

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Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

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In this Episode we're spotlighting Shola Oz, the author of the children’s book “I am whole”

Growing up as a first-generation immigrant in the bustling and diverse city of London, Shola learned early on to embrace and celebrate people from all walks of life.

Shola's path to authorship was anything but conventional. Motivated by the lack of positive representation for mixed-race children, she was inspired to write "I Am Whole" after persistent, rhyming lines kept appearing in her dreams. This passion project transcended her immediate circle, resonating particularly in the US, and underlining the global hunger for inclusive narratives.

Inspired by raising her own multicultural and mixed-race daughter, "I Am Whole" aims to take away the focus on color and identification with one culture over another by focusing on language, family and traditions.

join us as we dive into Shola's personal journey and the heartwarming stories from her mixed family, From navigating the pressures of conforming to beauty standards in a predominantly white corporate world to embracing her natural hair, Shola's story is one of empowerment and self-acceptance. We explore the cultural significance of Nigerian naming traditions and the heartfelt desire to reconnect with her roots. Shola's journey is a testament to the power of authenticity, resilience, and the importance of celebrating one’s identity.

Show notes:

• Three fun facts about Shola - Horror, Thai & Moulin Rouge…
• Shola’s unexpected inspiration for her Children’s book
• Insights from “I am whole book” which focuses on embracing multiple cultures through language, family, and traditions rather than solely on skin color
• The experience of writing a children's book for mixed-race kids by a mother who is not mixed race herself.
• Shola’s personal experiences in an interracial and intercultural relationship, highlighting conversations about race and micro-aggressions with her Italian English husband.
• Shola’s mixed family experience in England vs Ital.
• Shola’s experiences as a black woman in London vs Overseas.
• Shola shares about what she did to assimilate as a Black woman in the corporate world particularly the pressures to conform to certain beauty standards.
• Why did Shola change her daughter’s name when she was 2 years old.
• The meaning behind her daughter's name.
• The cultural significance and traditions surrounding naming ceremonies in Nigerian culture, particularly for twins.
• Shola’s sense of home vs her mother’s sense of home as a Nigerian immigrant.
• Writer’s block and Hanna-Lee’s pitch for a second book.
• Shola’s book recommendations
• A special impromptu song from Shola…

Find Shola Oz:

@Iamwholebook

Email: iamwholebook@gmail.com

https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Multi-Racial-Childrens-Celebrating-Diversity/dp/183834330X

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Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

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In this episode, I chat with sisters Kim Serena and Mareike Matthies. Raised in Munich, they now navigate the challenges of intercultural family life, with partners from Venezuela and Italy, bringing a rich mix of languages and cultures into their homes. Through their project, "A Couple of Cultures," Kim and Mareike help other intercultural couples by sharing personal stories and professional tips on raising bilingual kids and blending different cultural backgrounds.

Kim and Mareike stress the importance of communication and tolerance in maintaining harmony in multicultural families. They also offer practical tips for nurturing strong dual cultural identities in children, providing valuable lessons for anyone living in a multicultural world.

Show notes:

• Introduction to Mareike and Kim
• 3 Fun facts about Mareike and Kim
• How the German sisters met their husbands from Italy and Spain and the moves they made to make the intercultural relationship work.

• Taking change and potentially transient lifestyle in multicultural families.
• Being aware of the roles that each partner plays if you happen to be living in the home Country of one of the partners and making a conscious effort to perhaps switch up those roles and move to another country for a chapter.
• Growth and balance in a relationship.
• The culture that you create as a couple.
• Working together to make sure that the needs of each partner are met.
• Local vs global community and how both are important. People that will understand your multi cultural lifestyle demands and needs as well as local friends.
• Long-distance travel with young children
• ​​The importance of preemptively discussing big questions such as language, religion, and the involvement of grandparents. Avoiding judgment and valuation in everyday parenting, particularly when it comes to advice from grandmothers with their own cultural biases
• The intricacies and challenges of raising children in a multicultural household.
• Making the most of an intercultural partner in the sense of challenging why you do things the way you do. Asking yourself if doing things a certain way is a conscious choice or just an automatic thing your culture does. Doing this gives you the option to choose how you want to do things and being exposed to your partner's culture can give you more options.

• Communication - Debriefing after the event - What happened? Why did you react that way? And that way learning to decipher where the behavior is coming from - Personality, parents, environment, culture etc..
• The sisters share funny anecdotes from their multicultural family life

Patreon!

https://patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

Mareike and Kim:

https://www.acoupleofcultures.com

Instagram: @acoupleofcultures

Follow Mixunderstood!

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Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

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In this episode, we sit down with licensed psychologist Dr. Jennifer Noble, also known as Dr. Jenn, and delve into the challenges and limitations that might arise when raising mixed race kids and learn how to ownership of the process.

We also have a second surprise visit by my former co-host Amy Maghera!

Dr. Jenn shares invaluable insights on supporting mixed race kids, navigating racial identity, and overcoming microaggressions. Hanna-Lee opens up about her own fears and hesitations about becoming a parent from a multicultrual perspective. This episode is packed with practical advice!

We also take a playful quiz from Dr. Jenn’s website to wrap up the conversation.

• Introduction to Dr. Jenn
• 3 Fun Facts about Dr. Jenn
• Challenges Parents of Mixed Kids Face
• Parenting Mixed Kids during the Pandemic: A George Floyd Example
• Reservations and Tactics for Supporting Mixed Kids: Race, Microaggressions, and Identity
• A Parent's Journey: Changing Perspectives on Race and Mixed Experiences
• Hanna-Lee's Multicultural Parenting Fears and Inner Conflict
• Navigating Mixed Identity: Avoiding the "Right Answer" Trap
• Connecting Kids to Your Story vs. Group Rules
• Learning and Growing with Your Kids: Embracing Culture and Language
• Being a Cultural Ambassador: Shared Parenting Roles
• Technical and Financial Considerations of Multicultural Parenting
• Grieving the Loss of Culture: Acknowledgment and Acceptance
• Amy and Hanna-Lee Take the Quiz on Dr. Jenn’s Site
• Closing anecdote from Dr Jenn, about fully being who you are and letting people around you adjust.

Your support means everything. If you enjoy this podcast and would like to help us keep the conversation going, consider supporting us on Patreon at patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

Connect with Dr Jenn!

@drjennpsych

https://www.drjenntherapy.com/www.drjennpsych.com

Get you tix to FREE TO BE FEST: (Discount code: MIXUNDERSTOOD10)

https://freetobefest2024.rsvpify.com/?securityToken=50xMnp92inevIlPU9rPvuHGq5JareozG

Find Amy Maghera on Instagram: @amy.maghera

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Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

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In today's unique episode, we're exploring the remarkable story of Gonzalo Guerrero and Zazil Ha, one of the earliest mixed-race couples in Latin American history. Gonzalo, a Spanish sailor, and Zazil Ha, a Mayan princess, came together to create a family that symbolized the merging of Spanish and indigenous cultures, marking the origins of the mestizo identity. This episode provides a vivid picture of the early 1500s in the Yucatan Peninsula, a time when European powers were driven by exploration and conquest. Join us as we journey through the lush and culturally rich world of the Maya and discover how these two extraordinary individuals found each other amidst the turbulence of their time.

References/sources:

https://www.thehistorycorner.org/articles-by-the-team/99yobciicyzjpl78wsb7maikyubro6#:~:text=Gonzalo%20Guerrero%20was%20born%20in,%E2%80%9D%20(Cuba%2C%20nowadays).

https://latinamericanpost.com/americas/heritage-en/the-father-of-the-mixed-race-a-story-of-romance/

https://belize.com/belize-is-cradle-of-latin-americas-mestizo-ethnic-group/

https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/03/25/gonzalo-guerrero/

https://ancientmayaculturaltraits.com/2023/09/30/maya-bloodletting-and-elite-initiation/

https://es-m-wikipedia-org.translate.goog/wiki/Gonzalo_Guerrero?_x_tr_sl=es&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl

=en&_x_tr_pto=sc

https://allthatsinteresting.com/famous-interracial-couples/4

https://www.ancient-origins.net/history-famous-people/gonzalo-guerrero-father-first-mestizos-and-army-captain-mayans-006129

https://www.thehistorycorner.org/articles-by-the-team/99yobciicyzjpl78wsb7maikyubro6

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

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Joining us today are Dawn Ellinwood and Elimu Nelson, an inspiring interracial couple who, after navigating the challenges of each raising their own children and primarily dating within their own racial backgrounds, now find themselves together, in their 50s, maintaining a strong connection despite their semi-long distance relationship. Tune in to hear about Dawn’s experience around transracial adoption as a mother to her two daughters from her previous marriage. Also, discover Elimu's journey of being caught between racial perceptions as a young boy and evolving into an adult who embraces his black identity, prioritizing connection in relationships. Together, they gracefully navigate the complexities of their relationship, offering insights into the dynamics of blended families and the unspoken rules of dating across racial lines. Stay tuned as we explore how their relationship has fostered healing, support, and joy in their lives

Show notes:

• Introduction to Elimu and Dawn. They’re favorite films What makes Elimu cry, the duo personas: Boris and Natasha
• How they met.
• Dawn’s surprising connection to BLM and Elimu’s quest to change black Hollywood
• Dawn’s relationship to birth and motherhood and reasons for going through a transcultural and transracial adoption process.
• Dawn shares one of the main things that people don’t take into account around adoption
• The challenges of being a parent to an adoptee from a different “race” and being able to help them navigate situations they have never experienced, or the adoptees feeling misunderstood. Seeing your limitations as a parent.
• Your adopted kids wanting to look like you. Perceiving your race as the better one. Growing up as a minority in your area.
• Talking about race without also making it the main focus
• Staying in conversation with the kids. Asking questions. Giving answers. Being willing to have the hard conversations.
• Finding others who can support them who understand - like Elimu
• Elimu’s experiences as a Black man in America. Always looking over his shoulder.
• Elimu on growing up in Milton Massachusetts and why he was treated differently from other black kids in his school
• Elimu shares a racist encounter when he was 7 - “You stick with your kind and I’ll stick with mine”
• Navigating wanting to people please white people, but be in with the black people
• Elimu as a kid and how he had a fear of Black people being raised in a predominantly white neighborhood and seeing how black people were depicted in the media - feeling ashamed of his fear.
• Understanding where racism comes from. Not excusing is.
• Have the hard conversations around race as an interracial couple. Recognizing and acknowledging that one partner has more privilage.
• Judgements, fears and stigmas around interracial dating.
• Having multiple perspectives on interactions - maybe they aren’t as racist or maybe they are.
• Dawn talks about “Us” vs “Them" mentality, whether in politics, race, religion or area of the country.
• Questioning the belief systems that have been handed down to us, and taking the extra step to break the cycle rather than succumb to it, when it comes to racism.
• Elimu's view on Stereotypes
• the unspoken rules of race in interracial dating.
• Unspoken familial expectations
• Elimu talks about the advantage of dating within one's "race"
• Discussing relationship parameters . What’s the expectation of dating each other. How will they handle the “smoke.” not avoiding situations but also not rocking the boat. The transitional phase in the relationship
• Dawn’s reservations before dating Elimu
• Elimu’s dating history of dating woman of color and what changed when he met Dawn
• Dawn meeting Elimu’s parents and why Elimu’s father sent Dawn Caviar for her birthday

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

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In today’s Episode we have a special appearance from someone you already know pretty well, It's a pre-recorded conversation with my former co-host and dear friend, Amy, before she embarked on her next adventure which is around the corner - Baby number 2!

In this oh so intimate discussion, Amy and I delve into our experiences growing up in mixed-race households, exploring the impact our parents' marriage had on us as children as well as our own mixed marriages. We'll also touch on the landmark Loving vs. Virginia case, a pivotal moment in history that legalized interracial marriage in the United States.

Last but not least - We have an EPIC voicemail story from one of our listeners.. So stick around to the end if you wanna crack up with me!!

Your support means everything. If you enjoy this podcast and would like to help us keep the conversation going, consider supporting us on Patreon at patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

Find Amy Maghera on Instagram: @amy.maghera

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Some of you might recall today’s guests from Season 1’s finale episode about Holiday Tales from around the world.

They are the sweetest couple you’ve ever met - Gabriella & Rakesh Zope. Gabriella is a psychologist from Hungary, Rakesh an Ayurveda doctor from India, and they currently live in Budapest.

Together, they’ve worked to integrate their different expertise to guide and support intercultural couples through the intricacies of relationship and the journey into parenthood.

In this Episode we talk about their intercultural relationship as well as their insights on celebrating differences and building a foundation so strong that no challenge can sway you from each other.

Show notes:

• Gabriella and Rakesh's 3 fun facts! Chinese spirit animals, cleaning habits and their take on eating dessert before the main meal...
• Love at first site - How the met
• Why is took a year for them to get together - The impact of traditional expectations on modern love
• The cultural difference when it comes to the pace of the relationship and the timing of marriage
• How they’re families received them - needing parents approval or not in different cultures.
• Gabriella’s father’s initial rejection of the marriage / challenges they faced
• Cultural vs personality differences and how to tell the difference. Rakesh shares the role of Ayurvedic personality types in understanding relationship dynamics.
• Rakesh talks about Subtle cultural expectations. Gabriella shares how she experienced it on her first visit to India. Having conversations around expectations and well as Being willing to be flexible around generational cultural expectations.
• How can you be yourself and respect other cultures at the same time - Setting boundaries.
• Reverting back to the roles you play back home. Re-aligning with your home environment that might look differently than the home environment you created with your partner.
• Bring caught in the middle between the struggles of your partner adjusting and your family adjusting. Being able to listen during these times and noticing when someone is venting or when someone is looking for a solution to the problem.
• Intension is not always bad, but sometimes words can create turbulence. How to convey the messages to each other without hurting each other. Focusing on keeping the communication open during challenging times and not letting the emotions take over the expressions.
• Rakesh talks about tools to better control the emotions and choosing what you want to express.
• Tools that help you build resilience in relationships and endure difficult situations.
• Building a daily meditation practice to help you be less reactive while experiencing negative emotions.
• The challenges of balancing individual and collective cultural identities.
• Rakesh takes us through a 5 minute calming breathing exercise.
• Gabriella shares their approach and excercises to resolving conflicts in relationships without raising our voices or placing blame.

Contact Gabriella and Rakesh on Instagram @ourinterculturallife

For more breathing/mediation exercises you can reach out to Gabriella and Rakesh or they recommend checking out:

https://www.artofliving.org/us-en

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

Editing: Hanna-Lee Sakakibara & Monet Alverado

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