Loss is never easy—and walking with others through it can feel even harder.

Our Bereavement Training is designed for pastors, ministry staff, and volunteers to equip you with the tools to support others through grief with compassion, care, and clarity. 💬💛

In this session, we cover:

📍 Understanding the stages of grief

📍 How to offer support without pressure

📍 What to say (and what not to say)

📍 Church & HR protocols for loss in the workplace

📍 Self-care for those doing the caring

Grief is not a moment—it’s a journey. Let’s walk it together, better equipped and better supported.

Survivor’s Guilt: Releasing the Shame, Redefining Healing

Survivor’s guilt is a silent burden many carry after living through a traumatic experience. Whether it's a natural disaster, war, illness, or the tragic loss of others, surviving can bring not only relief—but also confusion, shame, and guilt. These feelings can be hard to name, even harder to confront. But the first step toward healing is understanding that these emotional responses, while valid, are not permanent. They are signals, not sentences.

The Hidden Faces of Shame and Guilt

Shame and guilt don't always appear in obvious ways. Many who suffer from survivor’s guilt don’t label their emotions as such. Instead, they may experience anxiety, numbness, or a persistent sense of unworthiness. This confusion is especially common when the source of the guilt is something positive—like simply surviving.

The truth is, no two people experience trauma in the same way, even if they went through the same event. This makes healing deeply personal and often misunderstood. A person may not even realize they’re stuck in a cycle of guilt until it begins to erode their ability to stay present or move forward.

Time Alone Doesn’t Heal—Forgiveness Does

There’s a popular saying: time heals all wounds. But when it comes to trauma and survivor’s guilt, time alone is not enough. Unprocessed shame can fester beneath the surface. What actually fosters healing is forgiveness—not just of others, but of oneself. It means choosing to release the mind from the exhausting grip of what ifs and should haves.

Let Go of the Need to “Fix” Shame

One of the most dangerous traps is trying to fix shame. We think that if we just revisit the memory enough times, punish ourselves long enough, or make enough sacrifices, we’ll eventually feel better. But shame doesn’t resolve through self-punishment—it deepens. Instead of healing, it creates a painful loop of guilt and regret.

This is where biblical stories, such as those found in Genesis 9 and 19, offer insight. These are stories of survival—and shame. In both, individuals attempt to resolve their survivor’s guilt through decisions that lead to deeper consequences. These narratives show us that trying to escape guilt without understanding it first often creates more harm than healing.

Practical Tools for Releasing Survivor’s Guilt

1. Identify What You're Really Feeling

Ask yourself: is this shame, or is it fear? Is it guilt, or is it anxiety? Emotions are layered and complex, and naming them is a powerful step toward reclaiming control.

2. Know Your Triggers

Track the situations, thoughts, or environments that bring the shame rushing back. When you understand your triggers, you can start developing healthy coping strategies rather than reacting on impulse.

3. Work With a Grounded Advocate or Therapist

Healing is not meant to be done in isolation. A grounded therapist or support system helps you form a plan with purposeful goals. They provide the tools and perspective necessary to move forward without being consumed by the past.

4. Stay Present, Not in the Past

Revisiting old wounds, especially when done impulsively or alone, often leads to more pain. Before you go there, ask: What is the goal of this reflection? If the goal is unclear or emotionally reactive, it’s time to pause and ground yourself.

5. Accept Without Fixing

Acceptance doesn't mean approval of what happened. It means releasing the urge to fix something that's not broken—your survival. Your life is not a mistake. You are allowed to be here.

Final Thoughts: Release the Cycle

The path to healing isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about changing your relationship to it. Survivor’s guilt may knock at your door, but you don’t have to answer alone—or at all. Release yourself from the urge to revisit the pain without a purpose. You are not here to carry everyone’s sorrow. You are here to live.

Understanding Secondary Trauma: A Hidden Challenge

In our interconnected world, the effects of trauma are not confined to those who experience it directly. Secondary trauma, also known as vicarious trauma or compassion fatigue, can significantly impact those who support or are closely involved with trauma survivors. This phenomenon, while less visible, is an important area of concern for caregivers, first responders, mental health professionals, and even those who offer emotional support to friends and family in distress.

What is Secondary Trauma?

Secondary trauma occurs when an individual, through their exposure to others’ traumatic experiences, develops symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This can manifest in various ways, including emotional exhaustion, intrusive thoughts, and feelings of helplessness or irritability. Unlike primary trauma, which involves direct exposure to a traumatic event, secondary trauma results from indirect exposure, often through listening to or witnessing the trauma experienced by others.

Symptoms and Impact

The symptoms of secondary trauma can closely resemble those of PTSD and may include:

Intrusive Thoughts: Recurrent, distressing thoughts about the trauma experienced by others.

Emotional Numbness: Difficulty feeling emotions or experiencing a sense of detachment from others.

Hypervigilance: Increased anxiety and heightened alertness to potential threats.

Avoidance: Steering clear of situations, conversations, or reminders associated with the trauma.

Exhaustion: Emotional and physical fatigue that can affect one’s ability to perform daily tasks and responsibilities.

These symptoms can impact personal relationships, job performance, and overall quality of life. Over time, secondary trauma can lead to burnout, depression, and a diminished capacity to effectively support others.

Who is at Risk?

Certain individuals are more susceptible to secondary trauma, including:

Healthcare Professionals: Doctors, nurses, and therapists who regularly work with trauma survivors.

First Responders: Police officers, firefighters, and emergency medical personnel who encounter traumatic situations on the job.

Social Workers: Professionals who assist individuals and families in crisis situations.

Family and Friends: Loved ones who offer support to individuals dealing with trauma.

Volunteers: People involved in crisis response or advocacy work.

Strategies for Coping and Prevention

Addressing secondary trauma involves proactive self-care and support strategies. Here are some effective approaches:

Self-Care: Engage in regular self-care practices, including exercise, hobbies, and relaxation techniques to maintain emotional and physical well-being.

Boundaries: Set clear boundaries to separate professional responsibilities from personal life. Learn to say no when necessary and avoid overextending yourself.

Supervision and Support: Seek regular supervision or consultation to process your experiences and emotions. Peer support groups and professional counseling can also provide valuable outlets.

Education: Stay informed about the signs and symptoms of secondary trauma. Understanding what you’re experiencing can help in recognizing and addressing it early.

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: Practice mindfulness, meditation, or other stress-reduction techniques to manage anxiety and maintain emotional balance.

Work-Life Balance: Prioritize a healthy balance between work and personal life to prevent burnout. Ensure you have time to disconnect and recharge.

Seeking Help

If you or someone you know is struggling with secondary trauma, seeking help is crucial. Mental health professionals can provide support and strategies tailored to individual needs. Don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance—addressing secondary trauma is a vital step in ensuring the well-being of those who dedicate their lives to helping others.

Conclusion

Secondary trauma is a serious issue that affects many individuals who are exposed to the suffering of others. Recognizing the signs and implementing effective coping strategies can help manage its impact and maintain overall well-being. By addressing secondary trauma with compassion and proactive measures, we can better support those who are on the front lines of trauma recovery and ensure they receive the care they need.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not just beneficial for you—it enhances your ability to support and care for others effectively.

As a strategist, I have worked with many political teams across our great nation. I often find that regardless of State or City the problems look and sound the same. I deal with crisis management so I am going to focus on in-party conflict.

When we do not anticipate conflict we will react instead of respond.

We have to be focused on finding solutions not expressing feelings. Being active listeners will be how we find the common ground. Often we see the world closer in reach than we think we do.

Meetings: Sometimes it takes some uncomfortable conversations that result in good work being done. Sometimes keeping the peace can result in rules being violated, investigations and conflict being much more combative than if a person had raised a concern to begin with.

Lateral Engagement: Look at the leadership that is adjacent to you. Don't manuever with higher ambitions motivating you and don't move as a dictator would to speak lower to those under you. Find common leadership so that delegation is a partnership.

The GOP Data Center: Find ways to access your precincts database and be a part of the groundwork that gets people registered, excited and engaged.

Gratitude: Always look over to those who seek to go above and beyond. We are quick to complain but often leave out the gratitude we have for our fellow workers.

Concrete: Please keep your arguments to concrete facts. Bring out a chapter and verse to back your arguments and if you do not have one hold your statement until you do. Use your by-laws, constitution, SREC Rules, and platform to help construct your arguments.

Inspire One ANother- Your work should be with personal motives in check. Make sure you are doing things for your community as well as yourself not just for your own benefit.

When we want to connect:

Listen without intent to respond

Only respond to what someone has said

Mirror what others have said

The 5 rules for constructive communication:

Do not use blame, criticism, accusation, punishment or humiliation

Decide in advance what you want to accomplish

Say only what you need to say, nothing else

Don’t ask questions that don’t have actual answers

Always be ready to stop when things get too heated

Stay away from subjective arguments:

Play your arguments out loud. Steer away from arguments that are broad or emotional. Be specific and clear.

To go over social moral codes review the Podcast Video listed to this blog for the full breakdown and sample arguments.

There are many questions that surround the topic of trafficking.

Is it really happening in the United States?

Can it actually happen in our town?

The reality is that trafficking has evolved from what we once thought it to cinematically be.

The phone is the new white van. There is a very long dedicated and well-planned process that goes into the world of trafficking.

Luring

Grooming

Isolation

Manipulation

Coercion

Into Exploitation

Today the most common approach is to find a young person online, who shares too much personal information and creates a false sense of connection. There are many times the grooming process can go for months even years before they convince a young individual to run away. They often persuade them in the Romeo philosophy to run away with a long-lost love only to realize the shift comes quickly.

The process of grooming includes gifting, love bombing and behavior manipulation. You can find that these young people connect through false coercion and then slowly are isolated away from food and resources for survival.

Those most at risk include pretty much anyone who is longing for community or a common behavior. These include attention, sensory, escape, counter-control or access. Often times most at-risk will include individuals living in fatherless homes, single-parent homes, special needs, CPS children, foster children, etc.

Adverse childhood trauma can be a precursor to being at risk. Often an individual who has experienced trauma wears physical attributes noticeable to predators. These could be lack of eye contact, shrugged shoulders, pulling at sleeves over wrists and so forth.

Identifying trafficking can include a sudden behavior change, a possessive "boyfriend" that carries an individual's personal items, sudden isolation or withdrawal. Behaviors are not congruent with socioeconomic levels. This could include a low-income individual suddenly carrying a Louis Vuitton or a stack of cash. Look for branding or tattoos that contain numbers. These numbers could identify pimp rules.

In the video training, I go over terminology and further identifiers to look for.

This a great first introduction to trafficking as a whole. For further details please request any specific content at madetowalk.org