Episode 47: Reliability and Regulation in Parenting

In this episode of Plan P: Parents Helping Parents Pivot Perspectives we deep dive into the concepts of reliability and regulation, focusing on how they impact our relationships, especially with adolescents. We'll break down these terms, explore their significance, and discuss how they shape effective parenting and personal growth.

Reliability in parenting means being dependable and consistent. During adolescence, this reliability becomes crucial as teenagers are navigating significant changes and seeking stability.

Before we can effectively regulate others, especially our children, we need to understand and master self-reliance and self-regulation. This foundational understanding helps us approach parenting with greater empathy and effectiveness.

Sending Understanding and Hope your way!

XO Sarah and Quinn

Listen for the weekly practice.

If you have a question or topic that you’d like us to speak to, just send an email to connect@planp.us

Links & Resources:

• “The truth of these years reminds us of the importance of changing ourselves as our children change.” from Between Parent and Teen by Haim G. Gingott first published in 1969
• Get Out of My Life but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall? by Anthony E. Wolf
• The Beauty of a Darker Soul by Joshua Mantz
• The Chaos Imperative by Ori Brafman and Judah Pollackm(no relation:)
• Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project

#parentingteens #parentingatween #parentingayoungadult #troubledteen #kindandfirmparenting #podcast #newepisode #parenting #boundaries #findingjoyinthejourney

Personalize Your Plan

Parenting adolescents can be challenging emotionally as we navigate their development. Humans, and human parents, can take things personally, especially when it comes to our children's behaviors and reactions.

When parenting through the preteen, teen and young adult years a crucial question is HOW do we want to personalize, HOW do we want to attach? Connecting to- not cutting off from- your beloved child who is literally physiologically designed to be pushing off into their new adult existence and away from you requires some new skills. In this episode we talk about finding the nuanced balance between being involved and giving space for growth.

Ghandi said “Detachment is not indifference; it is a prerequisite for effective involvement.”

Listen as we discuss how to fulfill that prerequisite-how to build up rather than tear down your relationship with your adolescent child.

Practice:

Personalize your parenting plan by bringing awareness to what your mind is full of. Are you aware when you are taking something personally? If you are taking it that way, do you want to take it personally or step back to consider other possibilities that exist?

Resources

I feel statement

Fundamentals of Adlerian Psychology by Rudolph Dreikurs

Troubled by Kenneth R. Rosen

Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler

Have you listened to the Plan P is for Parents Playlist on Spotify? Just added to the playlist “Just the Two of Us” “and you can cry, ain’t no shame in it”

Are you ready to work with a coach to find the Plan that feels right for you? Start on your personalized path here.

Yes You CAN

There are many actionable steps which parents CAN take to mitigate the negative effects of social media. Introducing three healthy C’s: Compassion, Communication, Collaboration which when used consistently can have positive effects.

We’re back, and so is the Surgeon General who is considering placing warnings on social media due to addiction concerns. Social media has a pervasive impact on parents and in this episode we discuss what parents can’t and also can do given the addictive nature of social media algorithms and its implications.

How do we wean our children? Sounds like a throwback question? Welcome to the 2020s, parenting the teen years and the adolescent brain, and tech. Listen and learn tips for genuine connection beyond virtual platforms. Strategies for gradually reducing screen time and social media use.

PRACTICE

Engage and encourage self compassion.

Don’t forget to share this with other parents and we’ll “connect” again in two weeks, or whenever you schedule your complimentary session.

The 3 C’s of Engagement, in order of use:

Compassion

Communication

Collaboration

References:

Stolen Focus by Johann Hari

Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

NYT article Surgeon General Calls for Warning Labels on Social Media Platforms

Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

Set boundaries. Find peace. by Nedra Glover Tawaab