Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

De: Elise Loehnen and Audacy
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  • Resumen

  • 45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world?
    © Elise Loehnen. All Rights Reserved.
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Episodios
  • The Upper Limit Problem (Katie Hendricks, PhD)

    The Upper Limit Problem (Katie Hendricks, PhD)
    Aug 22 2024
    “The whole sense though, of the Upper Limit Problem, is instead of feeling good and then feeling bad, which is how we think it's supposed to work. You know, you feel bad, you feel good, and then you forget to go to your yoga class and then you start eating things that aren't good for you. And pretty soon, you know, you're off binging and you know, that's over. And in partnership, I'd say, The most common Upper Limit Problem is to criticize the other. Criticizing also gets over into contempt. So when your partner expands and you don't support that expansion, but you criticize them and then they come down again or you forget an agreement. I think those are the two most common is that people don't do what they say they're going to do and they get into criticizing. And we really have seen that criticizing blame and criticism are really relationship killers. But what's underneath that is our fear of expanding and our fear of going out into the unknown, because even the Upper Limit Problem, if you're expanding, you are going to go into the unknown over and over, and we can stay safe and miserable in our familiar patterns, of you'll eat too much, and I'll drink at night, and we won't challenge that in each other, and that way we'll coexist, and many relationships are that way.” So says Dr. Katie Hendricks, the co-founder of The Hendricks Institute and the co-author of 12 books, including the bestseller, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment. Katie and her husband, Gay, have been leading seminars and workshops for individuals and couples for decades—moving them from their definition of co-dependence into co-commitment. We touch on it in our conversation, but their definition of co-dependence is the only one I’ve heard that makes sense to me as they suggest co-dependence at its simplest is when your behavior is determined by someone else’s—when you are adjusting yourself around someone else in a way that is a disservice to the relationship. Instead, they argue for co-commitment, where everyone takes complete responsibility for their own actions and their own lives. They coach a lot of tools that I love to talk about on this podcast, including the Drama Triangle, and they also coined the concept of the Upper Limit Problem, which is our tendency—just when things are going really well–to self-sabotage. That’s a big focus of our conversation today. MORE FROM KATIE HENDRICKS, PhD: Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment The Conscious Heart: Seven Soul-Choices that Create Your Relationship Destiny The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks, PhD The Hendricks Institute Foundation for Conscious Living Follow Katie & Gay on Instagram To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    56 m
  • Why We Overthink (Amanda Montell)

    Why We Overthink (Amanda Montell)
    Aug 15 2024
    “Those of us growing up in consumerist society, when confronted with a problem, our tendency is to add a whole bunch of cumbersome variables to the equation. So, if we're experiencing pain in our relationship, I'll speak for myself, every time we were really, really suffering and not doing well. It did not occur to me once to break up. I was like, you know what we need to do? We need to go on another vacation. Or we need to get another cat. Or we need to replace all our furniture. I don't regret any of my cats. But I was like, we need to add variables to the equation in order to fix this problem. Even though the much more efficient decision would have been maybe to scale back, reassess, take something away. And, I quote a study when talking about that subject, where participants were presented with a spatial puzzle involving colored blocks, and they could either solve the puzzle by adding or taking away colored blocks from this puzzle. The vast majority of participants opted for the much more overly complicated solution, which was to add a whole bunch of color blocks, whereas the much simpler but less intuitive solution would just be to take one single colored block away. We don't often think to take things away to solve a problem.” So says Amanda Montell, the author of the New York Times bestseller The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality, as well as Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism and Wordslut. Amanda is a linguistics major from NYU and all of her work centers around the way that words—and thoughts—shape our minds, and how our minds are permeable to other factors, whether it’s the halo effect, confirmation bias, or Cult-like sensibilities. Amanda is also the host of a podcast, “Sounds like a Cult.” Okay, let’s get to our conversation. MORE FROM AMANDA MONTELL: The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language Follow Amanda on Instagram Amanda’s Website Amanda’s Podcast: “Sounds Like a Cult” Amanda’s Newsletter To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    47 m
  • Being Better Leaders (Jerry Colonna)

    Being Better Leaders (Jerry Colonna)
    Aug 8 2024
    “Human beings trigger other human beings, right? My teacher and friend, Parker Palmer, likes to say, riffing on Socrates, "the unexamined life may not be worth living," but if you choose to live an unexamined life, please don't take a job that involves other people, right? And in classic Midwestern Wisconsin brilliance, Parker's got it, I mean, because what he's saying is that we all have a responsibility to tidy up ourselves as we interact, because we've all been in relationships with people or had encounters with people who are kind of a mess. I often visualize little kids in adult clothes swinging their arms all around and say, Whoa, wait, to use a "Jerry-ism", use radical self inquiry to confront the parts of yourselves that you'd really rather not think about so that you're less likely to project them onto other people and cause damage. And if everybody was doing that, we might create better interpersonal relationships.” So says Jerry Colonna, founder of Reboot, and one of the most sought after CEO coaches in the world. Before he began coaching executives, Jerry was a burnt out VC, convinced that there must be a better way to impact the world—and also convinced that if he could influence the upper reaches of corporate structures, if he could help leaders heal, he could vastly improve the lives of all the employees. After all, he had observed the ripple effect of unhealed emotional wounds being taken out on other people—specifically people with less power. This is the focus of Jerry’s two great books about leadership: His first one is Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up and his second is Reunion: Leadership and the Longing to Belong, which takes a probing look at power and privilege and how it can alienate those who already don’t feel like they belong. In today’s conversation, we talk about all of this and specifically one of Jerry’s main queries. This passage is from Reunion: “While necessary, it’s not enough for us to do the inner work of unpacking our childhood wounds and, with fierce radical self-inquiry, free ourselves from the need to reenact the old stories of our pasts. Radical self-inquiry that stops at the question of how we have been complicit in creating the conditions we say we don’t want—a core tenet of my coaching and my book Reboot—is insufficient if it fails to look out to the world as it exists and ask how it could be better.” MORE FROM JERRY COLONNA: Reunion: Leadership and the Longing to Belong Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up Reboot Coaching Follow Jerry on Instagram To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    54 m
Ciencias Sociales Éxito Personal
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Thank you

Incredible episode. I've never downloaded an episode of a podcast until today. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Amazing!

Elise is So right on. Loosing a child this is so devastating and you just know They are with us. Im glad finally that we have finally opened our minds.

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