Ricki kicked things off with her cooked sleep schedule before we dove into Pauline Hanson’s sandwich press wagyu for Barnaby Joyce, plus the whispers he might be sliding her way politically. Glossys ran wild with Bieber peeing in the Palm Springs bushes, Kasey Musgraves’ accidental trip to a Sydney gay sauna, Hilary Duff dodging Leo questions and J Lo raking in three million to sing at a billionaire wedding in India. We absolutely lost it over the grandma who proudly froze what she thought were Christmas tree ice cubes that turned out to be, well, festive backdoor surprises. Jeans caused chaos again because apparently no one knows how to size them properly. Then we wrapped the whole thing up with a cracking round of Joel Jivin, artist doco edition, which went completely off the rails in the best way.

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Jeans copped the biggest spray today as we unpacked the bizarre truth that you’re apparently not meant to wash them, which sent everyone into a full existential crisis about smells, sweat and that weird denim rigidity that ruins your day.

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Ricki unveiled her unhinged pre-holiday sleep schedule and honestly it’s giving elite athlete energy even though she’s just going to London to have a nice time. Tim and Joel roasted her lovingly while reminding her that normal people don’t shift their body clock half an hour every day like they’re prepping for Formula One. By the end of it all we learned that Rich is a supportive king, Ricki is basically an adult baby by choice, and no one in Australia understands jet lag less than Jermaine.

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We’re chatting about some wild stage slips this weekend, from Katy Steele taking a tumble at the WA Day Festival to Miss Jamaica doing a dramatic fall at Miss Universe. Katy powered through with four broken ribs, and Miss Jamaica miraculously escaped with no broken bones. Meanwhile, Miss Mexico strutted away with the crown while everyone else was picking themselves up.

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We kicked off with some serious chocolate obsession, chatting about the glory of Cadbury milk bars and why Americans just can’t get the real deal. Then it was chaos on stage with Katy Steele taking a tumble in Perth and Miss Jamaica pulling a dramatic Miss Universe slip, while Miss Mexico strutted away with the crown. On the celeb front, we had Lewis Hamilton giving Beyoncé and Jay-Z a 200-mph thrill ride, Taylor Swift secretly filming a video in Croydon, and David Harbour possibly rekindling a romance in Canada. The internet delivered with sheep doing Backstreet Boys covers, while a private jet attendant spilled the insane rules of flying A-listers. And in between, we had Brendan, Kay, and Eddie sliding into the mailbag with Raining Diamonds, LEGO roses, and some very relatable drunken song choices.

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Cadbury milk chocolate has officially been crowned the greatest snack in the country after a video went viral of someone absolutely losing it over how good it tastes. They reckon it’s the undisputed champ and even had a full out of body moment while eating it. The best part is the reason Americans don’t get it the same back home because their version is made by Hershey’s and hits totally different.

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NASA might have found signs of ancient life on Mars thanks to rocks with organic carbon, Robert De Niro kept it low-key with a honey and camomile on arrival for the new Nobu skyscraper, Sir Ian McKellan hilariously roasted James Corden in a drag panto mash-up, Joe Exotic is selling private calls to fund his Netflix grievances, DWTS apparently locked in their winner before the season even started, Cardi B turned her baby’s umbilical cord into a gold statement necklace, New York restaurants are serving tiny Ozempic-friendly meals, and Brooklyn Beckham’s early photography career stumbled spectacularly on a delayed celebrity shoot

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Robert De Niro kept it classy with a honey and camomile on arrival in Manchester for the new Nobu skyscraper, Sir Ian McKellan went off-script roasting James Corden in a cheeky drag panto mash-up of Wicked and Wizard of Oz, Joe Exotic is offering private phone calls for Christmas while complaining Netflix ripped him off, and Deuxmoi has the inside scoop that the DWTS winner was already decided before the season even started.

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