I wrote this song because I wanted a song that everyone liked.

This song is good. There’s nothing about it that’s bad. It’s something that everyone, everyone likes. Every note, every lyric, even this one, has been carefully set down to prevent anyone from not liking it. It’s perfectly enjoyable… a big, cloud, of, endlessly perfect music.

The reason everyone likes this song is that it’s good. The music is good. The lyrics are good. They’re hard to understand, but that’s because they’re deep. These are deep, important lyrics; they’re profoundly important and they’re deeply profound.

I want to make music that everyone likes. You can listen to it at work. You can put on my music when you’re having a party. You could use this song in a commercial. You could sell anything. Anything you want.

If you own a store, you could pipe this into your loudspeakers. If you own a factory, it’ll motivate your workers. If you own a record label, just know, I’ll literally do whatever you want. I’m serious.

I’ll do anything to make my music more enjoyable. I’m willing to delete everything, including this song. I can change the name of the band. I don’t care. I’m desperate. All that matters is that everyone loves my music, and everyone buys it.

This is music. This is my music. You like this song. You like it, right? Everyone likes this song. Everyone likes my music.

[Spoken over “Legends After the Fall” by Matt Pond PA on their 2017 album Still Summer]