• The Conservative Justice League

  • May 15 2022
  • Duración: 21 m
  • Podcast

The Conservative Justice League

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  • What's that in the sky? It's a bird. It's a plane. It's an extremely annoying wealthy comedian complaining about people not liking their act! And next to them, why, it's the Monopoly Man! His powers include price gouging, polluting the environment and making pennies in the hands of poor people magically vanish into thin air! The penguin suited douchebags bringing up the rear are the Fundamentalist Brothers of the Supreme Kangaroo Court. They make a mockery of the Constitution and ruin democracy everywhere for everyone at lightning speed! They do have one odd weakness though: women with sidewalk chalk. Yeah, I don't know. Don't ask. And, wait...Could it be? It is! It's, it's, it's...the Conspiracy Theorist. The Conspiracy Theorist trolls the internet at lightning speed, protecting the world from imaginary demons, lizard people and Joe Biden. But nothing compares to the Orange Turd, a former president who has the power of complete ignorance. When these conservative justice warriors combine their powers they become The Conservative Justice League! That's right, it's the Conservative Justice League, and they are here to save you from your own thoughts and opinions! Alright, enough with the cute intros. Let's get down to annoying ass conservative business. In my days as an up and coming political theorist and satirist and San Jose State University I would often come across articles about the military industrial complex, which still exist today in many forms, especially when you consider that Raytheon basically tells presidents when to start wars now. But this is for another episode. In this episode I will be talking about a new kind of complex, one that has steadily gained power over the years and that very few people realize exists. I am referring to the entertainment political complex. I know, I know. In your mind, there is no way that an organization like Hollywood would ever be conservative. But you fail to remember that, although Hollywood often shows "sinful" actions in their films (the very idea that you are thinking of actions in terms of being sinful or not already proves my point by the way), they also end every film with the same basic religious principles: forgiveness, redemption, bowing down before a harsh god, and good prevailing over evil. These religious themes, which can be found in every movie, documentary, television show, and standup comedy act produced by Hollywood today, has laid the framework for the coming American theocracy. These entertainers (Dave Chapelle, Jerry Seinfeld, Tom Cruise, Steve Harvey, and the rest) have spent decades indoctrinating you with conservative Christian values. I am not saying that they made a conscious choice to do so. They have no choice. This was the plan from the beginning because, you see, corporations own Hollywood now. When you put up money for a movie, you basically own the right to change the script as you see fit. That means that certain ideas are taken out, while others are added to the script. Corporations are inherently political. They seek to turn the populous into mindless, scared little children, kind of like the Bible. This makes you more likely to consume, to buy, to give even more money to them. Every movie is an advertisement, not just for coke or Ikea, but for political policy. Dystopian fantasies, for example, often inform you that the world is ending, just like Revelation in the Bible. This causes consumers to panic buy. Crime films always portray cops in a positive light; this is done to get you accept police brutality, which protects companies from unions and protests. Cartoons teach you to always be positive, even if you are starving to death. This constant positivity makes you shut up when you need help from your government. Standup comedy is used to shame minorities, to make them feel bad about demanding equality. Romantic comedies portray women as simple-minded sex demons, which is done to deny women their rights. You still lauhghing?

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