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A little chat-ette to start the week, as Michael appears in the rear view mirror to discuss the short-lived Netflix Resident Evil series and the first season of Black Summer amongst other things.

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I am going to be lazy here. These two reviews summed this movie up for me.

A review 5/10 Some decent elements, but felt like it would never end

Once you get past the cheesy low budget acting, there are some good parts to this movie. Some creepy scenes and the guy who played Chris was great and genuinely creepy. Chad's mum was also a good character/ actor.

But the last 30 minutes felt like 4 hours, I thought it was never going to end. Just non stop running and screaming and shakey camera. I got bored.

The girl, Katie, was pretty annoying in the 2nd half just constantly crying. I was relieved when they finally all died.

When the 3 of them were trying to hide, why did they seem to make as much noise as humanly possible? Stop screaming and make a plan maybe.

2/10 Demonic Zombies

I watch about 3 horror movies a day searching for those hidden gem ones.... This was not one of them!! I feel like this movie had a good idea but it was poorly executed. The acting was soooooo bad!! The fake crying was awful and constant for about the last 25 minutes of the movie! It's hard to like any of these characters by the end. Also jerking the camera, yelling and screaming like a blubbering idiot isn't an enjoyable watch! Whoever wrote the dialogue for this movie did a terrible job! I really couldn't wait for it to end...Awful...just Awful! Also a cat and a dog get killed, they're eaten and it's very bloody!

In short, the best thing about this movie was that it was 77 minutes long, and that was still 65 minutes too long. A very unconvincing found footage movie where the idiot filmmakers basically filmed everything, including driving there, going to a bar, walking to a friends house to get stoned, and even when a first aid kit is needed, picking the camera up to go find the first aid kit. The two reviews captured it, this was shit, they were annoying and too loud.

It is a 3/10 for me, the worst movie I saw this weekend, and that includes two movies from Pakistan

Out of the found footage and documentary style movies I have seen recently this was a poor, poor, poor Canadian cousin to the others.

Savageland 6.5/10

The Bay 5

this piece of shit 3

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Two movies from Pakistan in this episode, all prompted by Ollie Eats Brains who had just discovered Altered Skin but hadn't seen it. Taking a look into it further Pakistan doesn't have too many horror movies and the list of zombie movies is even thinner on the ground. They do have their own webseries version of The Walking Dead called Zombistan but I am here for the movies.

After a bit of research, i.e. I googles Pakistani zombie movies, I got two, these two so decided to watch them both.

The idea for both of these movies is that the pharma and chemical companies through corruption in government just dump their waste into the waterways and the horrors that follow.

Hell's Ground is a 2007 gore fest apparently that tells the story of 5 teenagers from Karachi that bunk school to head to a concert and end up lost in the woods and preyed on by zombies and a family of psychopaths. It is widely classed as Pakistan's first gory movie.

And it was alright. We see people demonstrating about the water quality and it causing zombies that look like they have leprosy as the groovy gang of Roxi, Ash, Simon, OJ and Vicky get lost in the woods whilst stoned. Simon is bitten and one by one they end up running into the darkness for one reason or another and are preyed upon by a spiked ball and chain wielding psychopath and his family. So, it all gets a bit Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

5/10

And Altered Skin was just dull. It was a conspiracy story with investigative journalists getting kidnapped and murdered, as an American ex-pat tries to find the truth to why he wife is in a coma. My interpretation of what the zombies could be was more interesting than the movie itself and other than about 8 minutes of chase scenes and a final battle, the most poster was the best thing about this one.

3/10

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Despite the sneaky rebranding of this movie, from changing the title from Chrysalis to The Living Dead, to making the DVD box look very The Walking Dead including the font and the colour scheme, and including the tag line about day of the ghouls making us think of both Day and Night of the Living Dead, this 2014 low budget post-apocalyptic zombie effort is actually ok.

It was referenced in one of the reviews of The Cove aka Escape to the Cove as being so much better and that reviewer was right. I mean, there was plenty to annoy me throughout, mostly that this is set 30 years post the end of society and still todays events, thoughts, attitudes and knowledge is referenced by people who were not even born when the world came to an end.

It tells the story of Penny and Josh who are ambling around the post apocalyptic US, occasionally coming across running infected as they camp out in broken down warehouse after cliched broken down warehouse. They then meet Abira, who is heading to the city to meet a group who want to rebuild society by taking the city back block by block. A truly stupid notion if you ask me. And Abira has secrets.

I actually thought it was well done. I have seen far worse. I have also seen better. The acting was fine from the 3 leads, and the tension was palpable. Would I watch it again? Probably not. Would I recommend you see it? if this is your bag, then yes. Strides better than The Cove and Zombie Warz, and the like.

5/10

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I hated this one.

It wasn't that the writer/director/producer thought he was suited to play the vulnerable, although not really, overly macho nihilistic lead. It wasn't the 5 minute cameo of Eric Roberts in a setting wholly out of character with the rest of the movie, remembering this is a post apocalyptic zombie movie where 99% of people are dead and those that are still alive are scavenging for food and eating cold beans out of a can and Eric in a suit is taking phone calls in a shiny clean bright lit office in front of a working computer. It isn't the appearance of US Navy planes twice with no explanation. Or that the whole thing is a bag of cats set in a marina. Or that the characters wore sleeveless tops and didn't carry weapons. Or that the slow moving blood stained white contact lensed zombies were replaced with glowing eyed fish zombies at some point. It was that Cairo, the supposed lead was an absolute pussy.

He is a useless, whiny, weak, pathetic character who wouldn't survive a weekend in a 2 star motel let alone the zombie apocalypse. No weapon. Doesn't even know how the zombies hunt. Doesn't scavenge in houses. Doesn't know anything. Doesn't fight back. You know Berkeley in Zombieland 2? This is not him. Cairo was just pathetic. Why do we join him months or years into the apocalypse, at a point where the streets of LA are empty and this idiot has survived with zero survival skills?

Grr.

2.5/10 bottom 25 for sure, out of the nearly 400 we have seen. Fuck you, Cairo.

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Following on from a mention on a review of the far superior Savageland, this fake documentary/found footage horror was helmed by Barry Levinson. Yup, Oscar winner Barry Levinson. Good Morning, Vietnam, Rainman, Bugsy... etc etc and the list goes on.

It tells the story of 2009, 4th July weekend in Claridge, Maryland, and a horrific outbreak of something that causes lot of nasty side effects, not least having your tongue and liver eaten from the inside. But is it a zombie movie?

I asked Google.

Yes. The Bay (2012) can be classified as a zombie movie, specifically within the subgenres of body horror****ecological horror, and infected/rage-virus cinema. While the antagonists are technically mutated sea parasites (isopods) rather than undead corpses, the film heavily utilizes zombie tropes and is often cited as a modern "infected" film.

And to be fair the cop who kills the chief before offing himself and the woman attacking the mother and baby in the cop car at the end were in so much pain they were not in control. But Trench 11 (2017) and Viral (2016) this was not. Check those two out for proper parasite zombie movies.

This wasn't as good as Savageland despite costing a hell of a lot more and having an Oscar winner directing and the Insidious guys producing. Watch that instead

5/10

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A rarity for me, as this is a found footage documentary with a difference. An acted docu-drama where a town of 57 people are massacred and a man, Francisco Salazar, an illegal immigrant from Mexico is the only survivor and therefore the only suspect for the heinous crime.

In true crime documentary style this movie follows the case, taking perspectives from a glory hunting writer, corrupt local law enforcement and the family and loved ones of the victims whilst we see Salazar being interviewed by the police.

And then it flips, as this is a zombie podcast, to Salazar saying the first victim died then attacked him which is why he had to kill him. And from there we are shown the order or events by a former border patrolman, combined with 36 photos taken by amateur photographer Salazar on the fateful night.

Not what I was expecting, hadn't heard of it until I saw a reel by Chris Short listing it as one of the top 10 TUBI zombie movies at the moment. So thanks, Chris, and this one did well for me, 6.5/10, and I would seriously consider a drama of what really happened, so you can watch the two movies in either order.

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The first Tamil zombie movie sees mustachioed tough guy traffic cop Karthic take on the zombie hordes after a chemical spill. In true Bollywood style you will need to see past the bright red blood, cartoon sound effects, and at one point a full on pop video complete with backing dancers in a garden centre, as well as a sea of mustaches, to enjoy this zombie movie.

In a nutshell it is very obvious, chemical spill, spread, response, then a cure, with a shopping mall, some scenes stolen from other movies, and characters that are purely comical despite it trying to be a serious piece. Or is that their way of making movies, it is a bit of everything. Funny, sad, cheesy, horrific?

I am not a fan of Bollywood style movies, or the cheese, or the overly macho mustache hero, flying jump attacks, songs, overly sentimental flashbacks, however, I need to appreciate it for what it is - a bang on average middle of the road zombie movie with a Tamil cultural lean.

5/10