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We have had zombie outbreaks whilst on international flights, we have had zombie outbreaks at a wedding, at a school trip to a petting zoo, and here, we have a bad daytime TV soap opera affair story, set in LA, at Christmas during the zombie apocalypse.

The menage-a-trois, complete with daytime TV soap piano, and awful dialog is between overly macho and difficult asshole cop Frank Talbot, his yoyoing wife Sarah who goes between Frank and his younger more handsome, but clearly morally questionable partner Nash.

There is too much of this going on. We start with Sarah separating from Frank and going to Nash, but when Nash loses a toe, that Frank cauterizes, she ends up in bed with Frank, then Nash when he wakes up, then Frank again after she shouts and attracts the zombies, then Nash again when they get drunk and Frank heads out to supposedly find supplies but never gets any, before Frank again when he is back after shooting Nash by mistake, and Frank needs a wound cauterized. Too much cauterizing, not enough using the first aid kit in their squad car outside.

We do get Lew Temple (The Walking Dead and Zombex) and Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp) and Vernon Wells (Commando and Mad Max 2), but they are but fleeting moments of IMDBery. None of them bringing much to the movie at all.

And the zombies? Lumpy faced contact lens wearers, the colour of the lenses denoting if you are a runner or a shambler.

It was poor, none of the characters likable enough for you to care if they live or died.

3.5/10 instead get three TVs and set them up in the same room. Put Days of Our Lives on one TV, a bad cop show on another, and a bad zombie movie on the third and get stoned looking from one TV to the next for similar effect.

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"For a horror movie "The Curse of Hobbes House" was just unfathomably devoid of anything remotely scary."

Hm.

2020 British, only 3.4/10 on IMDB.

Hm.

The blurb is that “two estranged sisters visit their ancestral home and are confronted by an ancient curse of the undead following a storm.”

The Horror Society, who I rate. wrote about this one that... " this is not a gory flick that most genre fans are looking for. We get some make up effects and a few splashes of blood but nothing that will stand out. Overall the Curse of Hobbes House tries to do what Roger Conner's Rebirth could. Its not a fun or entertaining retelling of a Romero classic. Instead it borrows heavy from the story without contributing. Skip it.”

Hm.

Another reviewer I listen to, The Irish Film Critic gives it 2.5 stars out of 5 mentions a twist… that I kinda want to find out and says that "overall, despite some inventiveness with its zombie iterations, the story is cliched and predictable. The character deaths are not shocking or surprising. If you are a zombie fan you may find merit in it but I found it pretty forgettable."

Great.

So I didn't go into it with high hopes. And I am I didn't. The characters, other then the old woman who puts a gun in her mouth in the opening the scene and her Syrian groundskeeper, were infinitely unlikable. Nigel deserved death from the start and his comeuppance I truly enjoyed. The odd choice for central character was Jane. Jennifer was the much nicer half-sister. I didn't like Jane at all.

The zombies are blue eyes screaming zombies, the exterior shots are often reused daytime history or news worthy, the acting wasn't great, the whole thing really didn't do anything for me. It was a few scumbags trying to make some money off a cursed house. And how many times have we seen that?

4.5/10 and they should thank me for that.

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And so we are back at it. As I mentally prepare myself to watch the potentially abysmal The Curse of Hobbes House, Michael and I catch up to talk about the zombie entertainment we have seen recently, and what we plan to see in the coming weeks.

Michael needs to finish the Netflix Resident Evil series, Daisy Ridley's We Bury the Dead and then move onto the first season of Black Summer. And from there we look forward to season 2 of All of Us Are Dead on Netflix with the first seasons being a top 20 for us, and Colony, from the makers of Train to Busan. That trailer looked amazing. And we give a nod to our buddy Lee Donaldon over at Dead Zero.

That was looking forward, looking back at recent watches, we talk Uncontained, which had a lot of clever elements, but ultimately the redneck militia plot ruined it, and I Sell The Dead, with Dominic "Merry" Monaghan and Ron "Hellboy" Perlman, yet another movie compared to Shaun as the best zombie comedy (spoiler it isn't).

Enjoy

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So just to make sure, this isn’t Red Planet, with Carrie Anne Moss, Val Kilmer, Terrence Stamp, Simon Baker, Tom Sizemore and Benjamin Bratt. That is very different. Robot dog going nuts. As is the Ghosts of Mars the Ice Cube, Jason Statham, Pam Grier effort. That was demonic possession by, I wanna say, the previous inhabitants.

This is Liev Schreiber, Elias Koteas and Olivia Williams with space zombies. Yeah. SPACE ZOMBIES! The 8 ma crew is looking for life on Mars. There is a song in that. And one of them chances upon bacterial life. Amazing as it's their last day before they head back to Earth and they were pissed about heading back empty handed.

Not amazing as the bacteria turn them into space zombies, and the claustrophobic story takes a dark turn.

Reviewers complained about it being low budget but I have no trouble with the cast, the effects or the sets. It all looked very Martian to me. And I enjoyed it. As Space Zombie movies go this one is alright.

5.5/10

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There were moments in this show where I really loved it. I thought Lance Reddick as Wesker was inspired. Paola Núñez's unhinged Evelyn Marcus too grew on me. It has tension, and the dual story lines of the teens learning more about Umbrella in New Raccoon City and the post apocalyptic world would, and I stress that word, WOULD have been great IF we had seen the end of the world, IF we had seen why Jade thinks Billie died, and the T-virus spreading across the planet.

If anything this felt even more removed from the games than the Paul WS Anderson Milla Jovovic efforts. But ultimately Netflix cancelling it after one season meant we were left unfulfilled.

I have seen it twice now. I won't a third time.

5.5/10

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Sorry but after a Scooby doo episode in the basement, another fucking boat being the base, World War Z and Shockwaves being ripped off, future Billie becoming Chinese, and Wesker turning out to be a clone, I am a bit done with this one... but here you go... enjoy

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In 2022 Constantin the production company behind the Paul WS Anderson and Milla Jovovic movies worked with the asshats at Netflix to create this show that has literally nothing to do with the movies, or Welcome to Racoon City, the movie reboot of the year before.

It follows Jade and Billie Wesker as teens as the outbreak is about to happen after their dad, Albert Wesker (brilliant played by the much loved and missed Lance Reddick) and his evil boss and daughter of the original Dr Marcus, Evelyn Marcus, pushes a new happiness drug from Umbrella called Joy, that includes small elements of the T-virus. Why doesn't this sound like a good idea.

And Jade as an adult, 14 years later in a post-apocalyptic world, is trying to get home to her husband and child after being in the field in the UK and trying to get samples of something or other before being chased across Europe by Umbrella and a fat beardo in a grey suit.

We will be doing this as a three pod breakdown with our chat in the third. In this pod, I cover parts 1 to 3 of 8. Enjoy.

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And we come together to talk two movies high on our watch list for the year, Tina Romero's Queens of the Dead, and 28 Years Later The Bone Temple. What did we think of them? You will just have to listen to find out.