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The things I do for you fucking people.

Where am I going with this? Well, since We Bury the Dead and Uncontained, both decent movies, with the Daisy Ridley effort immediately cementing itself in my top 50 zombie movies, we are back on the slippery downward slope with this one – Bong of the Living Dead, not to be confused with Bong of the Dead, although, yes, for you dear listeners I am watching Both! Yes both! The 2011 Canadian movie BONG of the Dead, where Although the world is dealing with a zombie apocalypse, two friends decide to make the best of it. They use zombie brains as fertilizer to grow powerful cannabis. And the 2017 AMERICAN Bong of the living dead Friends fighting for survival realize that the zombie apocalypse isn't all it's cracked up to be.

BONG OF THE DEAD from 2011 an experience akin to being the only sober person in a room full of drunk and stoned exhibitionists who think they’re the funniest people on Earth.

What a bag of shit… that was bad, like one of those really bad episodes of Z nation that felt like the writers were drunk, high or both, as it had nothing do with the main storyline.

3/10 avoid

And so onto the second wind of this podcast, we have slept off the 2011 Canadian bong of the dead and now have the American BONG OF THE LIVING DEAD from 2017

It gets a surprising 5.3 on IMDB and although it didn’t have enough reviews on RT to create a score, the two critics that watched it seemed to like it.

Tries to be Shaun of the Dead and fails at being remotely funny, despite some decent zombie movie references. Then becomes serious when they run out of weed and fails at that too. In the end it was far better than Bong of the Dead, but it was still shit.

4/10 avoid also

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Winter. A fly over of near black trees. The wilderness in winter seen from above and below. From under the show a shirtless man appears. It is Morley Nelsons Dan. Long hair. Blade. Ominous music.

Morley Nelson writes, directs and stars as Dan a bit of a cliché, former spec ops soldier who found the woman of his dreams, and then lost her and their baby, kinda thing. And Dan is confused and lost in the snow as he stumbled upon 7 year old Jack and cute as a button 2 year old Brooke living in a huge house by themselves. What is going on? And this is after a couple forced themselves into the house and were killed by someone, or something.

So this zombie virus has two strains, you either turn standard running zombie, I am thinking Black Summer, and will die when killed, these are Deaders, and then there are the Changers, that turn, then turn back, a la zombie versions of werewolves or, more recently, like EAT BRAINS LOVE, but more serious.

With the main story being less about the zombies and more about the head of the local militia looking for his daughter, who was part of the couple killed earlier, it does detract a little from what this could have been.

It scored 4.6/10 on IMDB and I can see why people would put it around there. I am going to round up to a 5/10 as I found it quite interesting, a fresh take to a degree but with room for improvement. As this was Morley Nelson writing, direction and starring in this well done to him pesonally, it is certainly better than a lot of indie zombie movies we have seen on the pod.

If you want to move away from the second rate Romero clones out there, give this a go. It was a few new scenes and a little bit of better writing and acting away from being Blood Quantum ish.

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I have been waiting for this one for a year. Or so it seems. It has certainly taken its sweet ass time in coming but finally I get to cross off Daisy Ridley's We Bury The Dead.

The story follows American Ava (Ridley) as she heads to Tasmania after a US weapon of mass destruction accidentally wipes out the entire population of half a million people. Ridley's husband Mitch was there for a work thing, and she wants to find him/his body.

We learn though, as she is volunteers with thousands of others to identify and retrieve the dead that some of them are coming back. And we do see them. Although the are tragic grey skinned, opaque eyed hollow people, grinding their teeth into sharp splinters.

The military are overseeing the whole thing and the returned, the undead, are immediately and ruthlessly dealt with.

Enter Brenton Thwaites' Clay, a bit of a loser, and so far away from the clean cut, pretty boy US roles he is famous for (Teen Titans, Office Uprising, Ghosts of War) you have to double take to see the unkempt, long greasy hair and swearing Aussie is him. Clay offers to take her to the other side of the island, 200 miles, to where Mitch was at the time of the tragedy.

And so this becomes a road movie, interspersed with flashbacks to Ava and Mitch's troubled marriage, right through the payoff at the end.

It is quite haunting, but not the Australian 28 Days Later that some of the trailers hinted at. A sad story about her and him. A story of loss before and after death. Moments of the Schwarzenegger Maggie. Scary moments. Don't get me wrong. Mark Coles Smith from Beast of War, was truly scary as Riley. It will stay with you. But those wanting a bloody, zombie fest will be disappointed.

I liked it though, and given this is my podcast, I score it 6.5/10. Well done all.

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There are sub-genres within the horror sub-genre of zombie horror, oh yes there is. Other then the obvious, the apartment survival horror, the South Korean zombie horror there is this, the romantic comedy set in the zombie apocalypse. And if you think that Shaun of the Dead was probably the first, and Warm Bodies is likely the best example, it is a good segue into the genre if you have a reluctant partner who doesn't want to see Zombie Flesh Eaters on date night.

There are a lot of examples, and we enjoy the light-hearted nature of the sub-genre. We have covered Better Off Zed, Death do us Part, Life after Beth, Burying the Ex, The Last Marriage, Eat Brains Love, Newtopia and Night of the Living Deb. And there are more out there.

The question is in the balance. Directors tend to lean towards one or two of the elements in the zom rom com equation and either make a romantic comedy with little zombies, or a good zombie comedy with barely any romance. It is a tough nut to crack. But they do keep trying in this entry level sub-genre.

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It is battle of the shit biscuits tonight as I pit Amazon against TUBI, the slop bucket of cinema versus the cesspool of slime with Night of the Living Dead Resurrection and Deadlocked.

What can I say about Night of the Living Dead Resurrection on Amazon, a Welsh movie that tries to steal as much from Romero's 1969 classic as possible whilst retaining nothing? A movie that ends with the line "throw her in the rape van" when the zombie apocalypse literally started the day before. A movie with a black character called Ben, in a white shirt and trousers, who has Karen Cooper from the original as his phone background image, but then blows his brains out after 15 mins and we are left with a pointless Welsh family who we have no sympathy for. Rubbish. Unoriginal.

2/10

And from TUBI we have Deadlocked. Not our first zombie movie set in an elevator, but certainly the worst. TBF compared to NOTLDR this is fucking Shakespeare, director by Spielberg, scored by Morricone. It isn't, of course, it is an overly dramatic but of annoying characters with more drama than a season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as cop Lee, perp Mason, wannabe actor Connor, runaway Jacqui and alcoholic Olivia get stuck in an elevator as the zombie apocalypse happens outside.

Not as good as the Italian movie The End? but certainly better than is rival in this episode.

4/10

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Recording in Progress...

Kirk, Birdseye, Scarlet and Stabbin, we know a few captains, but in this episode I finally get to talk to friend of the pod Captain Magenta, the only Captain that matters.

We talk his first, last, best and worst zombie movies. He tells us what he really thinks of the 28 Years Later ending and Jimmy Savile, and why he loves South Korean zombies the most. We give him a shortlist of new movies to watch, and new TV shows and we have just come off the recording and are already planning a follow up. It was that good.

So give the man a listen, hook hand, parrot on the shoulder and skull and cross bones flapping in the wind, this is the one and one Captain Magenta...

And you can listen to the Captain's podcast here on Spotify...Spilling Brains and Gossip, go check it out. You won't be sorry.

https://open.spotify.com/show/0Z3oo1X6h4el0459Mc6yXG?si=IL-yZG5PTlud2AWqmaLPmA

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After a destructive asteroid ushers in the apocalypse and Trump invades Venezuela, the dead begin to rise and Satan's army is unleashed onto the world. Meanwhile, seven archangels attempt to save mankind from evil....

And Michael has gone Han Solo for this one. As Darren talks to Captain Magenta about all things pirate zombie, Michael went off-piste and watched the 2018 French biblical zombie movie ANGELS VERSUS ZOMBIES. Is it PRO-WRESTLERS VERSUS ZOMBIES. Not quite! How dare you!

Darren saw the trailer and that was enough, but Michael decided to throw himself onto the grenade and embraces the suck that is Angels versus Zombies.

4/10 and it doesn't even have any Baldwins.

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The film follows a group of drag queens, club kids, and frenemies who must put aside their personal dramas and use their unique skills to fight the flesh-thirsty undead when a zombie apocalypse breaks out on the night of a giant warehouse party.

That is the premise and we start with a spectacular drag queen Yum heading to church to light a candle for Nana before heading out… however she gets a ping on her hookup app and holy moly it is a ripped chunk of Jesus lookalike who bites Yum on the neck, turning her into the Zombie Queen.

Oh before we continue just to say we can play ROMERO bingo here with the old school legends…

• GAYLEN ROSS was the stern doctor who had words with Sam at the start.
• TOM SAVINI is the mayor personally and references George A Romero on the TV.
• Lizzys car is called BARBARA and it looks like a Pontiac LeMans 1967 which is the car johnny and Barbara drive in 1969.

And this is a fun one. Katy O'Brian is Dre, nightclub owner, who is let down by both spectacular diva Yasmine, and once reliable friend Sam (Sameonce) as Kelsey, Ginsey Tonic and backup dancers Jax and Nico practice for a big Glitter Ball event. As Dre's brother in law Barry, a down to earth New Yorker has trouble with everyone's pronouns the glittery green makeup wearing zombies start to cause havoc, and her wife Lizzy and a drug addict Jane Doe try to make it across town.

It is fun, it is light-hearted. The music is great, the characters are all fun and OTT. I had been waiting for 6 months to watch this one and was glad I did.

Tina Romero has done her father proud with this one.

Make a cocktail, get your favourite wig down from its velveteen box, pull on your highest sequined platform shoes and enjoy Queens of the Dead

6/10 watchable and recommendable for sure