We discuss Donald Trump’s career as a non-exist federal undercover agent and the new Epstein scandal strategy: Steal QAnon talking points from 2019. Then, America blew up a fishing boat with 11 civilians on it to stop less cocaine than is in your average single SEC frat house. Can the war crimes get more wanton? We check in on what’s going on in South America’s and the Caribbean’s politics and economies to learn: Probably.

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A Pentagon higher-up is suing his psychic side-piece for threatening to beat up his wife. An affair that started as innocent research for a book that we’re guessing is like “What if Jack Ryan was into healing crystals?” Keeping with the theme of mysticism, we get into RFK’s ongoing destruction of the HHS and CDC, him finally admitting he doesn’t believe in germs, and our new CDC director who thinks he should be able to sell your kidneys.

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In 2025, Virginia is one of only two states with major elections—and the results will shape the midterms and even the 2028 presidential race. Producer Matt talks with Lynlee Thorne of Rural Ground Game about why it matters to compete in every district, the surge of new candidates, and how rural local leaders are fueling Democratic momentum statewide.

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Today, we talk about the Cracker Barrel logo change due to infiltration by the Woke Stasi. ICE’s low recruiting standards have somehow led to Dean Cain almost getting stuck in a pipe. Then we get into America’s plan to invade everything everywhere all at once, including seizing Venezuela’s army I guess so we have enough troops to occupy Chicago.

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The U.S. has ended medical visas for child amputees because it raised the ire of a woman currently being deposed about genital sandwich jokes. The newest moral panic involves taking flamethrowers to dolls to defeat an ancient Mesopotamian demon. Finally there’s a Congressman who’s trying to set himself up as an international weapons trafficker, kind of like the Floridian Merchant of Death, except of course stupidly and failing at it.

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We talk about ICE’s staffing woes even after $50,000 signing bonuses and hiring Dean Cain, and whether it’s a good idea to have an entire agency made up of unhirable lunkheads. Before that, WNBA sex toy-gate has the dumbest possible conclusion, and the Army will occupy DC because Big Balls can’t fight.

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Courts have witnesses accidentally pleading internet insanity now. We check on the state of athletes and gambling and whether we’re at the beginning of a legislative backlash. That story starts with an icon of pooping in shoes. Then we talk about the firing of the Head of Bureau Statistics and how successful we can be trying to deny our way out of problems.

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Silly week. The Thai army wants us to think elephants wear pants. Only one way out of this Epstein mess: Deploy the Jellicle cats. The guy who wants to close schools in Oklahoma to keep porn out of them plays porn at a school board meeting. And finally, a Texas sex scandal where you’ll never guess a huge pro-lifer’s longtime mistress accuses him of paying for abortions and dreaming of the world’s sickest bake sale.

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