I write this with the pessimistic swaddling of Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” enshrouding me in its sorrow while I watch the sunset across the farm and wonder if life is just going to be wondering if this is all there is and whether it’ll ever feel like “enough” to just be “happy”, when I’m aware of what goes on in the world.

I got to visit the bat houses in Gainesville and soak in the shared love of an epidemiology friend’s presence recently, who just separated herself from a long term relationship-turned-friendship, and I wanted to share a few sentiments we covered:

• Those of us who have blocked out years of childhood abuse, or familial memories, have been able to access therapy or have spent hours of free time running in contemplation, good for you.
  I’m glad I’m not the only fierce science gal who was accused of “emotional manipulation” from the very source they learned it from.
  
• Men are arguably another species. Whether they will ever make their intentions clear, unmistakeable, nonsecretive, who knows. Just remind yourself that solo cat ladies tend to live wonderfully great qualities of life and queer and homosexual traits potentially arise to offer care from (typically) nonreproductive members of a species when the reproductive members are providing the babies/offspring/future generations with less than quality care.
  Happy pride month.
  
• Humanity is the only primate known to abuse its offspring to the point of less viable reproductive futures. The study of everything revolves around our concept for “normalcy” or “standard” behavior. Some “reference”.
  
  How dare we condemn other country’s and culture’s behavior, because of the “more” atrociously grotesque human rights violations, while simultaneously dismissing those within our own borders.

Without further adieu, I’ll go into my reconstruction of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Pretty sure I watched the extended cut on HBO Max. For the record, one of my absolute favorite movie and book series of all time, though I was a bit young for the language of the books when the movies with Elijah Woods first came out. (AKA: I watched the movies first and only read the books later.) As a horse gal, there weren’t many movies that utilize horses, and LOTR obviously included a ton, so I naturally loved it. Sue me.

Galadriel opens up the narrative with the backstory on the one ring to rule them all and forewarning us that “the race of men…who above all else…desire power.”

Ya no fucking shit. Look at literally any guy in a fraternity getting cut off, kicked out of a bar, questioned at the door, turned down by a girl. They take everything like a personal attack and those of us who never doubted our places as peasants just get annoyed because all you’re doing is making everyone else’s lives shittier.

Anyways, a last alliance of men and elves “fought for the freedom of middle earth”. Isildor, the son of a king, took up his fallen daddy’s sword at the very moment hope was seemingly lost and like the good buzzer beater moment that I’ve been on both the giving and receiving end of as a Tar Heel fan, Sauron’s wedding ring got cut off and he was defeated.

All I’m saying is if my next boyfriend doesn’t dress up as all of the villains in these movies and try to “defeat” me, we’re not fucking.

In a move that doesn’t surprise any woman ever, the “hearts of men are easily corrupted” and “history became legend. Legend became myth.” and the National Treasure style plot of medieval witchy conspiracy theories on power and quests and the history of mankind began.