On March 15 2019, dozens of women hovered in the female section of Christchurch's Al-Noor Mosque, as their time of worship became a time of terror, shocking the nation to its core.

By Lana Hart

Widows of Shuhada is an authentic walk alongside four of the women most affected by the atrocities of March 15, 2019. Featuring Muslim broadcasting student Asha Abdi and Al-Noor mosque's Women's Coordinator Jumayah Jones, they present insights rarely heard before or since March 15.

Telling her story is tough for Hamimah. "It's hard for me to say the word 'killed' but he was shot and killed and - we hope that that then gives him the title of the martyr, the shuhada."

The music in the podcast is mostly from the Egyptian oud player Hazem Shaheen and there are some original pieces from local Christchurch musician Liam Oliver.

To Farah, Neha, Mahubo and Hamimah: Thank you from the bottom of our hearts and we hope that by sharing your stories, that your lives were made better too. barakallahu feekum

And to the 51 who were lost that day - Inna lilla wa Ina ilaihi rojiun

"we came from Allah, and to Allah we return."

Widows of Shuhada is Produced by Community Access Radio Plains FM for RNZ and follows four Muslim women widowed by the Christchurch mosque attacks who share their journeys through grief and take steps towards a different life.

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We meet our four widows of shuhada - Farah, Neha, Muhubo and Hamimah - and learn about their marriages, their challenges, and how they are dealing with their grief six months after the attacks.

Four women whose husbands were made martyrs (shuhada) - in the Christchurch mosque attacks of March 15, 2019, have allowed us into their lives as they come to terms with their new reality - as Widows of Shuhada

It's early September, 2019 as we meet Sanjida Jaman Neha, Mahuba Ali Jaman, Farah Talal and Hamimah Tuyan.

Flowers and fear surrounded Al-Noor mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand after 51 people were killed here and at Linwood mosque on 15 March, 2019.

Dr Hamimah Tuyan lost her husband Zekeriya, the 51st victim to die from the attacks. She now lives in Singapore with her two young sons.

Atta Elayyan is survived by his two-year-old daughter, Aya, and wife Farah Talal, who says "I feel like I became homeless and he used to be my home."

The gunman struck during Friday prayers, the busiest time of the week for the mosque. Because they died while praying, the 51 dead are known as martrys, or shuhada, and are promised eternal life in heaven and to meet Allah.

Originally from Somalia, Muhubo Ali Jama lost her husband of 25 years, Sheikh Muse Nur Awale. Preferring for her face not to be photographed, Muhubo talks with her friend Siman Omar, the mother of Widows of Shuhada's presenter, Asha Abdi.

Once in New Zealand, Sanjida Jaman Neha had to sort through her husband Mohammad Omar Faruk's possessions. Here she discovered an exercise book where he wrote about his thoughts, his love for her and his dream to settle their family in New Zealand.

Neha was four months pregnant when Omar died. Their daughter Noor-e-Omar was born five months later, the only child born of a martryr since the attacks. Her name means "the light of Omar" and signifies the place where her father was killed, Al-Noor mosque.

In the months after the attacks, Neha couldnt accept the King of Saudi Arabias invitation to attend hajj, the Islamic pilgrimage, since she was close to giving birth. Some of the other 200 Muslims that did attend brought Neha holy water from the Well of Zamzam, believed to be miraculously created and a gift from God.

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The widows take us back to March 15th. Farah heads for the hospital, while Hamimah and Neha learn about the attacks from overseas. Muhubo hears the entire massacre from the women's area of Al-Noor.

It started out a day like any other. Then the phone calls started coming, the breaking news broadcasting...

In this episode, four women recall that horrifying afternoon as they realised their husbands were caught up in New Zealand's worst mass shooting.

Seven months since the attack, Muhubo now keeps to herself a lot more. She witnessed the atrocity of March 15th, 2019, hearing the gunshots, seeing the dead bodies, and observing the suffering of the dying. Despite social service support, she was not able to discuss the day of the attacks for several months.

Police protection at Al-Noor mosque continued for several months after the March attacks. Jumayah Jones, Women's Coordinator at the time of the attacks and the religious advisor for our series, discusses what happened that day with Lead Producer Lana Hart.

Farah holds a pendant, a special present from Atta symbolizing their never-ending love. This, and Atta's wedding ring remain with Farah at all times. She says "When God was making husbands as far I can see, he made a special soulmate, specially for me."

Neha says "Here in New Zealand, I am living in peace, but when I am alone, I sometimes think about Faruk, and then I get angry."

In the women's area of Al-Noor mosque, dozens of women hovered as the massacre unfolded. Jumayah says the women "all ran off like a wind through the right side, the exit door and through the gates to the main road and they were safe... because at that time the killer had actually gone back inside the mosque.

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United by their faith and loss, three of the four widows come together to share their grief, hopes and feedback on New Zealand's response to the tragedy. Muhubo breaks her silence about that day.

Farah Talal, Sanjida Jaman Neha and Muhubo Ali Jama gather together in a Christchurch house. Although they share the title Widow of Shuhada, this is the first time they have properly met.

Farah, Neha and Asma Azhar, Widows of Shuhada series contributor and the woman who adopted Neha into her own family when she first arrived, discuss raising daughters without their fathers. Farah says "Our daughters are going to grow in the absence and the shade of their fathers, and they will only get to know them through our stories and memories, and the eyes of people, and their love."

Neha came to New Zealand from Bangladesh after her husband died in the attacks. As she cries, she says "When I was giving birth to Noor, that was the hardest time of my life because no one was around, other than Asma. I never thought that I would be in a situation like this, giving birth to a child in a foreign land, with a foreign person."

Asma and Farah, who says "We have to make sure that we spread love, and teach children from a very young age the beauty of diversity and that it's fine if you look different, or believe different."

Widows and the team making this series share some powerful moments as they recover from the aftermath of the attacks.

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Hamimah gets upfront and personal as she remembers the gruelling weeks after the attacks and before her husband dies. Neha has some news that will shape the rest of her and Noor's lives.

Hamimah Tuyan's husband Zekeriya was the fifty-first victim of the Christchurch mosque shootings in March, 2019.

In this episode, she returns to the mosque where her husband was shot several times.

Hamimah Tuyan, who now lives in Singapore, headed straight to Al-Noor mosque after her 12-hour-flight. She was there in time for Friday prayers.

Hamimah meets Neha and cuddles baby Noor, now three months old. With Asma, Neha, and current Women's Coordinator for Al-Noor Mosque Tooba Habib.

Hamimah visits her house in Bishopdale, Christchurch, which is now looked after by a friend. Zekeriya was a passionate gardener; Hamimah takes in her husband's strawberry plants as she wanders around their garden.

Outside of Al Noor mosque at a Sisters and Children event, Neha is excited about her and baby Noor's new permanent resident status. Her daughter will be raised in New Zealand, just as her husband Omar Faruk dreamed.

Muhubo plays with baby Noor at the Sisters and Children event.

Hamimah with Constable Julie Crequer at the Sisters and Children event, says "I define, with the help of my Creator, how I will come out of this whole experience" and it will be stronger as an individual. And I'm seeing it, even as a community, that we are going to be stronger."

Telling her story is tough for Hamimah. "It's hard for me to say the word 'killed' but he was shot and killed and we hope that then gives him the title of the martyr, the shuhada."

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The women explore Islamic gender issues as they navigate their new lives without their husbands. Neha and baby Noor move to a place of their own, and Muhubo gets some important news.

Apart from the grief and loss the Widows of Shuhada feel, they're also grappling with more practical challenges of life without their husbands.

In this episode, the women discuss the gender roles within Islam and how that's impacting their healing journey.

It has been two years since Neha and Omar Faruk were married in Bangladesh. For her it is almost unbearable to re-visit what looked like an incredible day.

After receiving permanent residency for herself and baby Noor, Neha has moved to a place of their own.

Atta, Farah, and Aya, just before Atta's death. Farah says "I think what made our relationship very special is that we were never competing against each other - we were trying to complete each other and if you achieve that, you will achieve a happy family."

Zekeriya and Hamimah on their wedding day in 2008. Hamimah says, "We've lost our imam, our leader, our entertainer, our very very handyman, our favourite chef."

Hamimah's two sons help out with the chores in their Singapore apartment. Hamimah laughs at herself that she still speaks about Zekeriya in the present tense, saying, "He cooks, I clean the dishes. If I cook, he automatically cleans the dishes. He puts the clothes in the laundry, I'll hang it up to dry. He takes it down, I'll fold it up. You know? So, we are a tag team."

Asha, Interpreter Qaali Mohammed, and Muhubo. Some people think that wearing a hijab is a symbol of women's oppression, but Muslim women say they cover their head and neck out of respect for their Creator and themselves.

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In Islam, Allah is the Great Planner. The widows submit to his plan, even though it can be painful and confusing. We deep dive into Muhubo's past. Neha's family arrives from Bangladesh.

Allah is often called 'The Great Planner' and even terrible events like the Christchurch mosque attacks are considered to happen for a reason.

In episode six, as we near the end of our journey with four of the widows of shuhada, the women reflect on how their beliefs have helped their healing journey.

Some Muslim women like Muhubo prefer not to have their faces photographed. In a rare gesture, Muhubo has shared a wedding photo from the day she married Sheikh Muse in Christchurch in 2003.

Muhubo's parents paid officials, militia, and others with the gold from their jewellery shop in Mogadishu, Somalia, buying their way to a safe exit from what was becoming in the late 1980s one of the most dangerous places in the world.

Asha, Muhubo and her mother Amina in Muhubo's new Housing New Zealand home that is large enough for the six adults in her family. Since moving out of their overcrowded house, Muhubo is happier and her health is improving.

Muhubo finally has her own room that is quiet and private. Since her husband died and she moved in with her family, all of her belongings have been in one bag.

After months of being without family as a new mother and trying to realise her husband's dream of raising their daughter in New Zealand, Neha now has her closest family members with them. Neha's mother, Shafia Begum, and younger brother Faysal have arrived from Bangladesh.

Farah sometimes misses Atta the most when she takes their daughter Aya to the playground where other families play together.

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The widows consider whether time has shifted their feelings. Neha shares in English for the first time, Hamimah reflects on her relationship with God, and Muhubo visits Sheikh Muse's grave.

It's February 2020. A month shy of the anniversary of the March 15, 2019, Christchurch mosque shootings.

Four women whose husbands were made martyrs (shuhada) have traveled a long and difficult path since that terrible day.

As New Zealand prepares to commemorate their husbands and the 47 other victims, the women reflect on the past year.

Muhubo visits Sheikh Muse's grave in Memorial Park Cemetery, Christchurch, where 41 of the 51 martyrs of the March 15 attacks are buried. Some Muslims prefer not to have headstones to mark grave sites. Muhubo has asked for Sheikh Muse's headstone, which was laid by mistake, to be removed.

Neha's mother and brother have arrived from Bangladesh, bringing close family members and more support to Neha and Noor, now 6 months old.

Neha now has time to study English outside the home. She says she wants to get a job to give her baby "a good life and a good future."

Al Noor Mosque after Ṣalāh al-Maghrib (sunset prayer), Christchurch, New Zealand.

Since Zekeriya's death, Hamimah has stepped in to continue leading "righteous children with a strong moral compass, who would live up to the dreams that their father had for them."

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