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Your Anxiety Toolkit - Anxiety & OCD Strategies for Everyday

De: Kimberley Quinlan LMFT
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  • Resumen

  • Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast delivers effective, compassionate, & science-based tools for anyone with Anxiety, OCD, Panic, and Depression.
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Episodios
  • The Six Reasons You Procrastinate | Ep. 388

    The Six Reasons You Procrastinate | Ep. 388
    Jun 7 2024
    Today, we’re going to go through the six reasons you procrastinate so that you can make a plan and hopefully end that procrastination so you can get back to doing the things you want to do. Recognizing the reasons why you procrastinate is so important. I want to make sure I cover one key point before we get into the six reasons, and that is: you’re not lazy, and you’re not faulty. It’s not a bad personality trait that you procrastinate. I want to dispel that myth right out of the gate so that we can beat the self-criticism, the self-judgment, and the self-punishment that you may be doing or have done in the past. The fact that you procrastinate does not mean that there’s anything wrong with you. You’re not broken. We engage in these patterns and safety behaviors to manage distress in our bodies. Procrastination is an avoidant behavior to avoid having to be uncomfortable and to work through the deep stuff that’s going on in our brain, mind, and body. First, I wanted to review that this is not your fault. You’re not bad because you do this. I’m even going to reframe a couple of those things here. A PERSPECTIVE SHIFT ON PROCRASTINATION As we talk about why you procrastinate, I want to tell you a story that changed my thoughts about procrastination. As an intern, I had a supervisor when I first became a therapist who supervised us and all our cases. A lot of the interns were talking about how we were so behind on all of our research and our study. We had all these tests, we had all these assignments, and we had to see clients. She questioned us by saying, “Procrastination isn’t necessarily a problem. First, you’ve got to look at the function of procrastination.” She said that if procrastination is working for you and it means you get the work done, you complete it in time, and you’re happy with the product you’ve created, procrastination isn’t a problem. In our society, we tell ourselves that we should be organized and calm when handing in the assignment instead of pressing the button right at the very last minute or sliding into work right as we should start. Now, she said, if it’s working for you, go ahead and keep doing it. But so many of you, particularly those with anxiety, say, “No, Kimberley, that’s not the case. It is not working for me.” If that’s the case for you, let’s first look at the effects of procrastination. Suppose you are somebody who has an extreme amount of anxiety when you procrastinate, and it’s coming from a place of anxiety. In that case, it increases your panic and stress at the last minute, and you melt down. Then, this is why we want to explore the causes and why you procrastinate so that we can come up with a solution and a strategy that does help you. The Six Reasons We Procrastinate Fear of Failure This is true for many people because we fear making mistakes. Our society has become allergic to making mistakes and failures. So we create such a story in our heads about how it’s going to be so bad if we fail, and it’s going to be so bad if it doesn’t go right, and how we are going to look stupid and how we are going to feel terrible. But much of that comes from this entrenched belief that we are not supposed to fail. I took a whole year and practiced failing for an entire year. I tried to fail a hundred times, which completely changed my thinking about failure in everything I do. I got good at things because I failed repeatedly and changed how I looked at failure. Now, I understand that we are expected to perform at such a high level in today's society. But what I want to have you do is act from the place of a B-. What I mean by that is, instead of going for an A+ all the time, try a B-. You will find that if you just drop the bar and let it be imperfect, you’ll have so much less anxiety. It is much easier to practice being gentle and kind to yourself when you mess up or fail. I’ve had so many patients and students tell me, “Failing is not the problem; it’s the beat-up I give myself when I fail that I do not want to do and do not want to experience. That’s why I avoid it. I don’t want to beat myself up if I fail.” We want to make sure we change the way we look at failure. Not Wanting to Be Uncomfortable This could cover all of these categories because all of the reasons we procrastinate are ultimately just trying to avoid discomfort. So often, I procrastinate while recording this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, or I avoid and procrastinate while working out. It’s not because I don’t want to do those things. I love making these videos and exercising, but what I do is avoid the uncomfortable feeling that I have. Ultimately, I’m avoiding the hard work stage of any product or anything we do. So many positive things in our lives that fulfill us require hard work. Nobody likes hard work. It’s not that fun. It’s uncomfortable. As a human species, or any species, we love to avoid discomfort. We do ...
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    21 m
  • I have a new best friend for YOU | Ep. 387

    I have a new best friend for YOU | Ep. 387
    May 31 2024
    I have a new best friend just for you. I know that might sound a little strange, so hang with me here because this was mind-blowing to me, and I hope it is for you as well. Let's talk about best friends. What does a good best friend look like? It will be different for everybody, but generally, the way I see a best friend is that they're fun to be with. They're interested in fun things or things that you're interested in. They are there for you. They show up for you. They celebrate your birthday. They want to know how you're doing. They have a genuine interest in you. They're willing to pour into you. But in addition to that, they are also there for you when things get crappy. It's so important because sometimes we feel vulnerable when sharing with people. But when we do share and are vulnerable, we can be held, and some space is created. There's this beautiful relationship where you share how you're doing, and they hold space for that. They encourage you. They ask how they can support you. Maybe they can give you some helpful advice. They're there for you when things are really hard. When you start to be hard on yourself, they pull you up. THE BENEFITS OF BEST FRIENDS Best friends can also be brutally honest but in the most beautiful way. I have two best friends. One is my husband, and one is a friend who lives quite a distance away. It's all via technology—voice chat, FaceTime, phone calls, and so forth. My best friends, not only do they support me, not only are they kind and lovely, but they also do call me out on my crap. They often say, "I don't think you've thought about this one well enough," or "Kimberley, I think you're going a little too urgent here. I think that your anxiety might be getting in the way." Or "Kimberley, have you taken care of yourself today? I'm noticing you mentioned you haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Could that be why this is hard for you?" Best friends aren't just all flowers and roses. They are honest and real. They're there for you when things aren't going well, but they champion you too. They believe in you like nobody else. When you're at your lowest, best friends will be like, "You could do totally that." Or if you're beating yourself up for not being good enough, they're like, "Oh my god, are you kidding me? Look at all the things that you've done." They're so ready to celebrate you, and they see you for way more than you can see yourself. That is what I want for you so I will introduce you to your new best friend, and it's you. Your new best friend is you. I want you to think about this because you haven't developed a relationship with YOU enough to be your own best friend. It's something you're going to have to invest in. Your new best friend is YOU, whom I'd like you to meet. Hello friend. This new bestie that you're creating is going to be the person who is there for you no matter what. AN INNER BESTIE VS. THE KIND COACH Let me tell you why I've been thinking about it this way. I wrote a book called The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD, and I talked about the Kind Coach concept. The kind coach is this warm voice inside you that coaches you through hard things. If you were to think about the mean coach you probably had in high school, he's like, "Get down and give me 20," or "Get going, you loser. Run faster." He or she motivates you through criticism and harsh comments and uses a very aggressive voice. We don't want that because we know,, based on the research,, that it decreases motivation, increases procrastination, increases punishment, and wreaks havoc on the nervous system and the immune system. We don't want that. Instead, we use this Kind Coach. The Kind Coach encourages us. They know our strengths, and they encourage us based on our strengths. They know our weaknesses, and they don't use our weaknesses to get you moving forward. The kind coach is constantly there, encouraging you to keep going. I love this concept. But as I recently went through a difficult time, I was using this tool,, and I kept thinking, 'Something isn't landing here. This feels a little too professional.' I didn't want it at that time. While the kind coach has helped me through so many things, I didn't want a coach around when things fell apart for me. What I needed was a bestie, a best friend. I needed somebody who was more like a pal, someone who could be in my pocket. Someone who I felt a little sassier with, someone who I could use my humor with because I needed humor to get through this hard thing. THE INNER BESTIE: THE UNCONDITIONAL FRIEND I was thinking, 'What is it that I need?' This is the golden self-compassion question that you should be asking yourself all the time. What do I need? When I checked in, I was like, "I do. I really need my best friends around." But sometimes my best friends weren't around. My husband would be at work, and my best friend lives far away in a different time zone. They weren't even awake at the time that I needed...
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    17 m
  • The 30-Day Social Anxiety Exposure Challenge| Ep. 386

    The 30-Day Social Anxiety Exposure Challenge| Ep. 386
    May 24 2024
    Imagine being able to walk into a crowded room without feeling your heart pound out of your chest. Envision yourself confidently striking up conversations with strangers or going about your day without being overwhelmed with the fear of being judged by others. If social anxiety has been holding you back from enjoying life, it's time to take on an exposure challenge and learn how to feel more confident in your skin when you are in public. In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, we will explore one of the most well-known, science-based, and effective strategies for overcoming social anxiety. From gradual exposure to uncomfortable social situations to building a support network, you'll discover practical steps to overcome the grip of social anxiety. Recently, I overheard a therapist (of all people) say that letting our clients experience distress is harmful. When I heard this, I gasped. This idea and this narrative concerned me so much. We have become so fixated on never feeling distressed that we fuel our anxiety and emotions. Now, I get it. I am not in the business of being a therapist to make people feel terrible. Quite the opposite. However, one of the most powerful messages I give my clients is that we can learn to compassionately and effectively navigate distress because distress is a natural part of being a human. If we have anxiety and we are committed to not feeling it, it will control every aspect of our lives. If you have social anxiety and you are committed to never being uncomfortable, social anxiety will take everything you love from you, including your future. Today, we are focusing on pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and facing your fears. What you will learn is that you'll gradually build your confidence and become more at ease in social settings. With each small success, you'll grow more robust and more resilient, expanding your social circle and embracing new opportunities. My hope is that you don't let social anxiety hold you back any longer. Today, I am going to give you a 30-day Social Anxiety Challenge. I have seen this work for my clients repeatedly, and I am confident it will change your life, too. Before we get started, let's first make sure you have a good understanding of social anxiety. UNDERSTANDING SOCIAL ANXIETY Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, is a common mental health condition characterized by an intense fear and anxiety in social situations. It goes beyond mere shyness and can significantly impact an individual's daily life. People with social anxiety often experience excessive worry about being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated in social settings. This fear can be so overwhelming that it leads to avoidance of social situations altogether. One thing I always share with my students and clients is that while Social anxiety is considered an anxiety disorder, I agree with Christopher Germer, a well-known psychologist who has been on the show (episode 199), that social anxiety is as much a shame disorder as it is an anxiety disorder. From my experience, people with Social anxiety struggle immensely with shame, and this powerfully painful emotion can disrupt so much of someone's life. It can increase the incidence of depression and even suicidal ideation. Having social anxiety can leave you feeling like a fool, awkward, and alone. Commonly, people with social anxiety withdraw and isolate, only making themselves feel more alone, defective, and often more depressed. Social anxiety can have a profound impact on various aspects of a person's life. It can hinder their ability to form and maintain relationships, limit their career prospects, and diminish their overall quality of life. Simple tasks such as making a phone call, attending social gatherings, or speaking in public can elicit intense anxiety, leading to avoidance behaviors and missed opportunities. The constant fear of being evaluated negatively by others can create a cycle of self-doubt and isolation. But today, we will put our entire attention to turning this around for you. Today, I am going to give you a 30-day Social Anxiety Exposure challenge where you face your fears and take your life back from social anxiety. The 30-day Social Anxiety Exposure Challenge: What is it and how does it work The exposure challenge is a science-based therapeutic technique widely used in the treatment of social anxiety. It involves deliberately facing feared social situations in a gradual and controlled manner. The goal is to help you habituate to your anxiety-provoking situations and develop a sense of mastery and confidence. Exposure can be done in real-life situations or through imaginal exposure, where you vividly imagine yourself in anxiety-inducing scenarios. Today, we are going to focus on real-life situations because I wholeheartedly believe that is where the money is. I have seen it work with hundreds of my clients. Exposure works by activating the ...
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    22 m
Psicología Hygiene & Healthy Living Éxito Personal
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So validated!!!

This is such a helpful podcast! Feels real and validated! Feels so human. Thank you for all the help listeners receive!

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Excellent Podcast!

I find this podcast to be very informative and helpful. She gives a lot of good information as well as links to other resources.

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