#09: You're Not Ugly, You're Just Poor: The Blepharoplasty

Beauty is everywhere, perfect and strange. And yet. Lisa is aware that age is a hitman and it's stalking her house. So what we can do to beat back age with a stick, and just generally optimize oneself for maximum good-looking-ness?

Introducing a new content series - You're Not Ugly, You're Just Poor - in which Lisa does the homework for you on what procedures can address various facial, body, and/or aging pain points - how can we transform into liquid aliens (a la Bella Hadid)?

Each episode of You're Not Ugly, You're Just Poor will focus on a specific procedure and will dig into the technicalities, like what said procedure addresses, how it's performed, who famous has it, and how much it might set you back.

In the first installment of You're Not Ugly, You're Just Poor, we discuss the blepharoplasty. Otherwise known as, the eye lift. This episode will cover -

• Kasey Musgrave's divorce and why she might want to go back in for a rewrite on one specific song.
• General discussion of the varying standards of men and women when it comes to attractiveness, including background on the Rosie O'Donnell / Donald Trump feud and the rage that can be inspired by being deemed unf*ckable by a (certain kind of) man.
• To park or not to park in those spots that are all, reserved for expecting mothers. Girl, you don't know my life.
• Taylor Swift conspiracy theories that actually seem believable from a media/SEO strategy stand point.

Is the hitman targeting YOU? Call the hotline (615-669-9129) and tell us what procedure for the next installment of You're Not Ugly, You're Just Poor!

Silly little ding dongs is hosted by Lisa Lorraine Carson, a 34 year old woman who is actively seeking an upper bleph and a brow lift.