The Adoptive Parents' Handbook

A Guide to Healing Trauma and Thriving with Your Foster or Adopted Child

By: Barbara Tantrum, Deborah Gray - introduction MPA LICSW

Narrated by: Janina Edwards

The essential guide to parenting adopted and foster kids--learn to create felt safety, heal attachment trauma, and navigate challenging behaviors and triggers

Children who have been adopted and/or shuttled through the foster-care system experience trauma at a much higher rate than other kids, which can make it difficult for them to trust, relax, regulate their emotions, and connect with their new families. As a parent, learning how to heal attachment trauma, attune to your child's needs, identify triggers, and create felt safety is essential to providing the loving, supportive, and stable home they need to thrive.

Written for parents of adopted and foster kids of all ages, this book offers resources for handling common concerns like sleep issues, food sensitivities, anger, fear, and reactivity. It also provides guidance on navigating transracial adoptions, working through parents' own hang-ups, and recognizing signs of developmental and psychological conditions. The book highlights practical strategies and provides real-life examples to address questions like:

How do I help my adopted child adjust?

Is this kind of behavior "normal"?

How do I help my child live, heal, and thrive with PTSD?

Critic reviews

“This book answers so many of the questions I didn’t know how to ask as a foster and adoptive parent. . . . [It is a] book parents will turn to again and again.”
—Sherry Colomb, child welfare trainer and foster and adoptive parent

“As I read this wise, well-researched and well-lived book, I could feel my heart clouded by the complexity, heartache, and confusion parents feel when one of their children has known significant trauma. . . . After I finished reading, I understood why there is rich hope and joy for those who embrace this privilege.”
—Dan B. Allender, PhD, professor of counseling psychology and founding president of the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and author of The Healing Path and Healing the Wounded Heart

“Tantrum has written a must-read handbook for parents who are considering or
are currently in the throes of the adoption experience. It is a wonderful mix of personal and professional information necessary for a successful adoption journey.”
—Cynthia Ridgway, licensed mental health counselor and adoption and trauma specialist

“Easy to read, well organized, and full of information backed up by current research. Highly recommended for all foster and adoptive parents.”
—Cathy Wright, foster and adoptive mother

Mostly solid

Mostly solid information, a few spots were pathology based, especially in the first few chapters & some is blatant opinion

So helpful!

This book is full of ah-hah moments. The author shares personal stories and experience, which is also helpful.

Just what I have been looking for!

Thank you so much! This was just the information I needed. I am the guardian of my grandson. I have been made to feel, even by his therapists, that my grandson is fine, and only needs to work on separating from me, he has extreme separation anxiety. But the first 6 months of his life he was neglected and lived in a very violent home. I have read The Body Keeps The Score so I understand that trauma even as an infant has an impact on development and wellbeing. He also has all the behavior issues of a child with PTSD. Your book gave me very practical strategies I was able to start today. Scented lotion works magic for him, thank you! I feel so much more equipped to care for him now. I have been wondering if I should find him a different therapist now I know I should. I will be looking for a different therapist who understands trauma better. Thank you!

Highly Recommend!!!

My husband & I are in the licensing process to become foster parents. I've been reading/listening to a lot of books in preparation because the state training materials are not nearly enough. This book was very helpful and informative. Most of the other books that I've finished were around 6 hours, this book was around 10 hours and worth every extra minute!! Barbara Tantrum highlighted important topics and designated entire chapters to things that other books left out or barely touched on. I really like how she reccomend books you should read & also books to avoid. I think this book is a must read!! Other books I highly recommend are: (1) The Whole Brain Child, (2) No Drama Discipline & (3) The Connected Parent. I also finished "The Connected Child" but I liked the newer "parent" one a lot more & it pretty much covered all the same stuff.

Not just for adoptive families

This book was incredibly helpful my stepson has experienced a number of Trumatic events prior to coming to live with us full-time and this book provided an extensive amount of insight despite that we are not an adoptive family and my husband who is his biological father has been involved in his life since birth