Not My Father's Son: A Memoir

By: Alan Cumming

Narrated by: Alan Cumming

Length: 6 hrs and 28 mins

Publisher's summary

Audie Award, Autobiography/Memoir, 2015

Dark, painful memories can be like a cage. Or, in the case of Alan Cumming, they can be packed away in a box, stuck in the attic to be forgotten. Until one day the box explodes and all the memories flood back in horrible detail. Alan Cumming grew up in the grip of a man who held his family hostage, someone who meted out violence with a frightening ease, who waged a silent war with himself that sometimes spilled over onto everyone around him. That man was Alex Cumming, Alan's father.

When television producers approached Alan to appear on a popular celebrity genealogy show in 2010, he enthusiastically agreed. He hoped to solve a mystery that had long cast a shadow over his family. His maternal grandfather, Tommy Darling, had disappeared into the Far East after WWII. Alan's mother knew very little about him - he had been a courier, carrying information between battalions on his motorbike. The last time she saw her father, Alan's mother was eight years old. When she was 13, the family was informed that he had died by his own hand, an accidental shooting.

But this was not the only mystery laid before Alan's feet. His father, whom Alan had not seen or spoken to for more than a decade, reconnected just before filming for Who Do You Think You Are? began. He had a secret he had to share, one that would shock his son to his very core and set into motion a journey that would change Alan's life forever.

With ribald humor, wit, and incredible insight, Alan seamlessly moves back and forth in time, integrating stories from his childhood in Scotland and his experiences today as the celebrated actor of film, television, and stage. At times suspenseful, at times deeply moving, but always incredibly brave and honest, Not My Father's Son is a powerful story of embracing the best aspects of the past and triumphantly pushing the darkness aside.

©2014 Alan Cumming (P)2014 HarperCollins Publishers

An Amazing Storyteller

I can't get over how good this book is - so insightful, brave, witty, and honest. There was no doubt Cumming the narrator would be amazing, but Cumming the author is just as talented, as this moving memoir proves time and time again. One of the best I've ever heard.

A Fine Memoir

I don't read a lot of biographies and memoirs, particularly contemporary ones. But I've always liked Scottish actor Alan Cumming, and the blurb sounded interesting, so I thought I would give this one a try. I'm very glad that I did.

In 2010, Cumming was asked to be the focus of the Brit version of the TV reality show "Who Do You Think you Are?" He hoped to learn more about his maternal grandfather; pretty much all he knew was that Tom Darling went off to World War II and never returned, later dying in Malaysia in a gun cleaning accident. Cumming uses this search as the framework for a story that goes much further and brings him to examine more closely his complex relationship with his abusive father. It's a sad story, but Cumming's gentle humor and the interweaving of happier stories make it not only bearable but engaging. And it has made me admire him even more.

I strongly recommend listening to this book on audio (read by Cumming) as I did. And if you are interested in his search for the truth about his grandfather, you can watch Cumming's episode on YouTube.

Heartbreaking and heartwarming

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes! I hated when I had to actually pay attention to my job and pull out the ear buds. My husband wanted to chitchat and I wasn't very receptive. I wanted to know what happened next!

Any additional comments?

From a confusing, injurious childhood to a man who knows himself and is comfortable with what he knows, Alan Cumming takes us on a roller coaster ride. (And the wonderful accent doesn't hurt either!) I'm still interested in buying the hardcover version because I'm hoping there are pictures. I wouldn't pick one over the other . . . both are must haves!

Powerful, heartbreaking story

This is a powerful story told with great compassion by the author. At times it will break your heart but Alan Cummings adds a redemptive quality to what could simply be story of a very evil and sick man.
This is a beautifully told with great insight and sensitivity. It is tough to listen to at times but in the end it is a great story of empathy, compassion, and the redemption of the human spirit. This is one of the best audiobooks I have listened to. It is in my top 5 of all time.

Masterpiece

Where does Not My Father's Son: A Memoir rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

Alan Cumming's memoir ranks at the very top of the memoirs and biographies I've "read" through Audible.com. It is nothing less than a Masterpiece....

What other book might you compare Not My Father's Son: A Memoir to and why?

This book is such a full-circle tale that I would liken it to a classic, perhaps even a Dickens story of a man's search for justice and finding it not in the world but within his own integrity. Cummings, as main character, is suddenly and unexpectedly drawn into a journey that takes him (and his reader) to a life-defining reminder that love should never, ever inflict deliberate pain.

Which character – as performed by Alan Cumming – was your favorite?

Alan Cumming himself is his finest character, one he has honored with repeated great performances wrought from the heart.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The suspense about the DNA test builds so beautifully to a crescendo. It brought tears to my eyes because my youngest sister is now facing this dilemma. What if it's yes, you are from him. What if it's no, you're not? Either way, Cumming's memoir unfolds with such faithfulness to truth that it masterfully delivers catharsis in the way that superb stories do.

Any additional comments?

I would love to meet Alan Cumming because, as the saying goes, 'we can choose our friends' and, if even only in part, leave our families. I'm also Scots by strong heritage and enjoyed his descriptions of the locations in Scotland where his childhood played out. I have enjoyed Cumming's acting for many years, too, and I've seen that he is someone who uses his fame to confidently defend the rights of others. In kind, this book helps anyone who reads it.Anyone who struggles to integrate all of the bits of childhood memory--good, horrid, confusing and, let's say, beautifully messy--into a selfhood worth having and, consequently, worth sharing with appreciative and loving others should read this book. That's basically all of us. Not My Father's Son: A Memoir is a Coming of Age Masterpiece that is resonantly told.

Breathtaking

This memoir. It is absolutely incredible. It is humorous, heart-wrenching, warm, suspenseful, and more than I ever expected, even from someone as intriguing and fabulous as Alan Cumming. Of all audiobooks I have ever listened to, this is by far my favorite. Alan – Thank you for sharing your story. I will remember it always.

Riveting

This was highly recommended and it did not disappoint. I only knew Alan Cumming from his masterpiece theater intros but this sounded like a compelling story. And it was. Well written and told. So interesting.

Beautiful open a tribute to family and overcoming

Touching words about overcoming difficulties and growth. Appreciation for the family members that were loving. Even appreciation for the hardships

Absolutely beautiful.

Alan Cumming has always been an interesting person as an actor, in my opinion, but he speaks from his pages as a gentle hearted, feisty, and very human sort of fellow.
The story of his father’s and grandfather’s influences on his life tell of his amazing and very touching journey. It emphasizes the importance of self reflection, awareness, speaking up about abuse, and taking care of one’s own mental health.
This book was a short but very sweet recollection from a very gentle soul, and I am glad to have heard it. I definitely recommend it.

Wow, just wow!

I didn’t expect to be so engaged in this story. It was triumphant, heartfelt, brazen and comical despite everything that happened in Alan’s childhood. Alan is a wonderful narrator, not to my surprise. I didn’t want to stop listening.