When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us

Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives

By: Jane Adams

Narrated by: Jane Adams

How do today's parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our 20- and even 30-somethings who can't seem to grow up? Who can we turn to when the kids aren't all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed? In this groundbreaking book, a social psychologist who's been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades confronts our deepest concerns when our grown kids have failed to thrive. She listens to a generation that "did everything right" and expected its children to grow into happy, healthy, successful adults. But they haven't, at least not yet - and meanwhile, we're letting their problems threaten our health, marriages, security, freedom, careers, retirement, and other family relationships.

With warmth, empathy, and perspective, Dr. Adams offers a positive, life-affirming message to parents who are still trying to "fix" their adult children - Stop! She shows us how to separate from their problems without separating from them, and how to be a positive force in their lives while getting on with our own.

©2003 Jane Adams (P)2016 Tantor

Great book

Listened to it 3 times. Need more details on detachment though. How to do that.

Stating the obvious

Many of us are desperate for help. I hoped I’d find hidden tricks. This book is great for parents who have not done much prior research.

Freed my soul

I loved this book. It made me proud of the decision I finally made to let my daughter be accountable for her own life. I know I will never get an apology or any verbal closure from her and I don’t need that anymore. Just wish I would have found this book 10 years ago. Thank you thank you thank you.

Purposeful Parenting

I wish I bought this book before having kids so that I woukd have known what to expect and be better prepared for it. just the way the author could explain the very challenges I face(albeit on a much minor scale) definitely helped to ease and understand some of the frustration that a parent can face with adult children. Jane, everything in this book is useful, if not for ourself, but for some other adult child who is just not thriving. The book was such a great comfort to the issues I faced, that I went back over them again and again. I feel much better equipped now.What a relief to know I wasn't alone, an even greater relief that our issues can be remedied. Thanks Jane

i struggled to finish

I was hoping for more suggestions or guidence on teaching. when to say no to enabling verses yes to helping.