Do Parents Matter?

Why Japanese Babies Sleep Soundly, Mexican Siblings Don't Fight, and American Families Should Just Relax

By: Robert A. LeVine, Sarah LeVine

Narrated by: Joe Knezevich

When it comes to parenting, more isn't always better-but it is always more tiring

In Japan, a boy sleeps in his parents' bed until age ten, but still shows independence in all other areas of his life. In rural India, toilet training begins one month after infants are born and is accomplished with little fanfare. In Paris, parents limit the amount of agency they give their toddlers. In America, parents grant them ever more choices, independence, and attention.

Given our approach to parenting, is it any surprise that American parents are too frequently exhausted?

Over the course of nearly fifty years, Robert and Sarah LeVine have conducted a groundbreaking, worldwide study of how families work. They have consistently found that children can be happy and healthy in a wide variety of conditions, not just the effort-intensive, cautious environment so many American parents drive themselves crazy trying to create. While there is always another news article or scientific fad proclaiming the importance of some factor or other, it's easy to miss the bigger picture: that children are smarter, more resilient, and more independent than we give them credit for.

Do Parents Matter? is an eye-opening look at the world of human nurture, one with profound lessons for the way we think about our families.

Critic reviews

"Fascinating...The authors' global perspective finds that human experience is varied and kids are resilient."—Laura Vanderkam, Wall Street Journal

"It took two accomplished (and married) anthropologists, Robert A. LeVine and Sarah LeVine, to synthesize years of research spanning the globe, then ask the basic question in the title of their new book: 'Do Parents Matter?'...a well-informed argument."—Dan Saltzstein, New York Times Book Review

"I love this advice ... Do Parents Matter? pushes the conversation in the same provocative and essential way [as Pamela Druckerman's Bringing Up Bébé]. Because of course parents matter. But they're more effective when they tear their eyes away from all the conflicting advice and focus on the messy, complicated, contradictory kid in front of them."—Anna Davies, New York Post

"The LeVines have created a valuable book for parents. By exposing them to the practices and goals of parents and cultures around the world, they offer parents in the United States ideas for their own goals, and for how to react as pressures on parents increase in our country. It is particularly important for parents to rethink their roles, rather than continue the present hovering, to one that may produce children who learn from the first how to face the inevitable stresses of development with more self-confidence."—T. Berry Brazelton

"Parenting experts beware: the anthropologists are coming! Robert A. and Sarah Levine discover fascinating lessons on child-rearing, from the Japanese to the Gusii."—Pamela Druckerman, author of Bringing Up Bébé

"From birth onward, humans distinguish themselves as Earth's most adaptable mammal. Robert A. and Sarah LeVine combine decades of observation with absorbing storytelling to reveal the near-infinite variation of paths to a healthy adulthood. Do Parents Matter? is a must-read for students of human development and concerned parents alike."—Sam Wang, professor of neuroscience, Princeton University, and coauthor, Welcome to Your Child's Brain

"An intriguing assessment of the effectiveness of a variety of global parenting customs."—Kirkus Reviews

I keep recommending this

I found this to be a fantastic read/listen - great enough that I find myself bringing up fun passages in conversation and recommending it left and right to both parents and non-parents.
It's not that this is a masterpiece, but it works well and gives a rare perspective on parenting across different cultures. It should also be remarked that this is not a guide to good parenting or a deep examination of individual cultures, but rather an investigation into the diversity of cultural practices and the history of why we think about parenting the way we do in the west.
The narrator also does a great job. Popular science books are not quite pageturners, but the narrator keeps you invested and paces it well.

I'm glad this book was short

This book was the right length for what it is. Any longer and I would have stopped before the end, but it is nicely concise considering the vast content it covers.

In its favor, accompanied with the knowledge I've gained from reading a dozen other modern parenting books, it makes a good case for the idea that there are many ways to parent, many different skills you may want to prioritize as a parent, and many opportunities to change what you're teaching. Or, as "Mother Brain" says, there are many biological redundancies for children to get what they need. This messaging does provide an important opposing view to the parenting books of the early 2000s that seem prescriptive and judgy.

Also to its credit, this book is an interesting anthropological look at parenting on a global scale. It encourages a neutral and nonjudgmental look at many methods of parenting, emphasizing the values children are taught in the society they live in.

The entire book gives examples about how parenting tactics in particular societies result in specific character traits in kids in those societies and how those tactics and traits get carried on from generation to generation. These authors would have done better to leave it at that rather than to draw their own conclusions about what that means.

In the end, the authors somehow conclude that we don't know if parenting really matters. Their conclusions come across much the same way as older generations saying "we didn't worry about lead paint and we're fine" and "we have asbestos in our house and it's never been a problem."

Also to its detriment, they make several broad sweeping and unsubstantiated claims about the field of psychology.

In summary, this is definitely not a book I would recommend. It could just as easily be used to justify really careless or even detrimental parenting as it could be to help an intense parent just relax a little.

If you want a better book to encourage less intense or less fearful parenting, try "Good Inside." This book also mentions "Bringing Up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman which is a decent read as well.

Doesn’t deliver what it promises

The book didn’t deliver on what the title and description claim. I still don’t know the actual answer to any of these questions after listening. Very poorly backed up assertions not based on decent science but the author’s guess. Much of it just describing time in Africa without substance. Poorly researched and a failing grade on describing why different cultural practices lead to certain outcomes.