,Content warning: Death, miscarriage, domestic violence 

In this week’s episode we chat to mum of 3 and death doula, Amanda. 

Amanda became a mum earlier in life than expected. While she breezed through conception and pregnancy, Amanda’s first birth was not what she had planned for, hoped for, or expected. Despite wanting a natural birth, Amanda agreed to have her first birth induced. After 17 long hours of back to back contractions, she was taken for an emergency c-section. She gave birth to a beautiful, healthy and hungry 5.5kg baby boy. Amanda was unable to breastfeed and switched to formula early on. She recalls feeling judged (both by herself and others) for this decision. These unexpected challenges rocked Amanda’s confidence and shaped her early motherhood experience. 

After multiple losses, another 2 c-sections (including one very healing one) postnatal depression and more, Amanda’s family was finally complete with three beautiful boys. 

Around this time, Amanda made the decision to leave her toxic relationship and move closer to her village. For a short while, she relished in having the constant physical and emotional support of her parents, however shortly after her dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and died within a month leaving a gaping hole.  

Amanda soon came face to face with death again, when her mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer. While devastated by this news, their family felt more empowered in their approach to end of life this time. She spent the last 9 months of her mum's life straddling the roles of “good mother” and “good daughter.” She shares with us some of the challenges of trying to solo parent her three children, while also providing support to her parents during this incredibly challenging time.   Amanda shares with us how they were able to center her mother's needs, utilize their village and weave ritual into her mother's eventual passing.  

In a cruel twist of events, Amanda did not have time to process her mother’s death, as 6 short weeks later she was diagnosed with breast cancer. As a single mum, sole breadwinner and still adapting both emotionally and logistically to life without her parents, Amanda recalls spending the 36 hours after her diagnosis awake trying to understand what would happen to her boys, if she was to pass away. The next few years were filled with scans, surgeries, radiation and more, but as a family unit they made it through and today Amanda is proudly and gratefully, in remission.  

These experiences, have led Amanda to the work she does now as a death doula. Today, Amanda works for not-for-profit “Violet,” providing free information and support to families navigating the last stage of life, as well as the grief and loss that accompanies it.  

Throughout the episode Amanda shares her wisdom for navigating death when you have young children including; How to talk to kids about death in a way that is both honest and age appropriate, how to talk to aging parent's about their wishes for end of life, how to weave ritual and choice into death, why you would hire a death doula and so much more.  

To connect with Amanda:  @amicusmortisdoula

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This episode is sponsored by Together Pregnancy and Postpartum  

To connect with them on Instagram: @together.perinatal  

To listen to her podcast "Postpartum like a boss," or book a session with Gemma, or access any of her other offerings: https://togetherpnp.com.au/ 

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Connect with us on Instagram: @Matrescence.podcast  

Or head to out website: www.birthofamother.com.au 

8 years ago on a Sunday afternoon, Bree walked down Kel's long drive way for an interview. 

After the news that their neurdiverse son was no longer welcome at Before and After School Care, Kel and her husband had been forced to explore other care options. 

While the first nanny was okay, the fit wasn't quite right. 

18 and with minimal experience with children, on paper Bree was probably not an ideal candidate. In fact, on her first day she had to call her mum to walk her through how to cook mashed potato. However after an hour spent chatting, they both knew that this was meant to be. 

For the next 7 years, Bree nannied Kel's two boys: Through both her pregnancies, often with a baby strapped to her back and another in tow, through a cross-the-globe move, both the boys graduating primary school and so much more. 

While this experience was no doubt enriching for the boys, as you will hear in this episode, the decision to hire a nanny is one that  created ripples throughout both family units and left no part of their lives unaffected. 

Throughout this episode Bree and Kel explore topics such as the mental load, the Perfect Mother Myth, how they approached communication and decision making as a team of three, the logistics and finances of hiring a nanny, guilt and shame attached to this decision, some hilarious and heart warming stories from the past 7 years and so much more. 

To connect with us: 

Website: www.birthofamother.com.au
Instagram: @matrescence.podcast @kel.matrescence.podcast

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This episode was sponsored by The Nurture Village. 

To connect with them: 

Instagram: @Thenurturedvillagehampers
Website: www.thenurturedvillage.org/

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In this week's episode we chat to Alix. 

Alix is an eldest daughter, a mother to a 4-year-old daughter, a clinical psychologist, and a recovering ‘good girl’. Through both her post-graduate training and clinical experience, and her own lived experiences of being parented and raised in the pursuit of perfect, Alix has become intimately acquainted with the notion of "the good child” and how this presents in the mothering experience. Alix’s own introduction to motherhood was fraught, with her mother dying of bladder cancer when her daughter was 8 weeks old. Layering the gravity of this grief and loss onto Alix’ in built system of functioning – to be and do everything to the highest of standards, to make achieving look easy, and to self-sacrifice at all costs – created the perfect storm and resulted in what Alix would come to know was severe postnatal depression. Faced with an unsettled baby (acutely perceptive to the emotional environment around her, screaming and wailing for a whole family in mourning and out of their depth), who found sleep extremely difficult, so much about the experience of early motherhood felt like a terrifying failure. Alix has lived and breathed the pressures of breaking down the ‘good girl’ image to be a real girl, and to have the opportunity to try and parent the baby in front of her – not the perfect baby, but her baby. Through her work in two independent private high schools in Brisbane, Alix also has experience in how the pressures and expectations that may accompany mothering, with being a female in our society, and with being parented in a certain way, can culminate to influence a child’s experience of the education system and their development into adolescence. She has fought hard to bring awareness and support regarding perfectionism, self-care, and self-compassion into schools, and this has been well received by staff, students and families alike. Most recently, Alix has instigated the concept of Wellness Groups for high school students, to provide increasingly normalised support for adolescents going through similar psychological challenges (e.g. anxiety, low mood, interpersonal relationships, self-care struggles), and to try to offer some alternative pathways to psychological stability and a solid sense of self, without reliance on performance, outcomes and achievements. Alix completed her Bachelor of Psychological Science with First Class Honours in 2007, receiving a University Medal and topping her Honours Year. In 2012, Alix graduated from a Doctor of Psychology (Clinical), and has 10 years of clinical experience as a psychologist. Despite all of this, she’s a real woman, struggling in her own way, and embracing the rebel within to be vulnerable and re-parent herself, in the hopes that this will benefit not only her own life, but that of her daughter and clients too.

Throughout this episode, Alix applies both her professional and personal experience to the topic of the "good baby." We discuss how and why society expects baby's to be quiet, compliant and make parent's lives easier, how these expectations grow and change as babies age and what we can do to free ourselves (and our children) from these constraints. 

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This week's episode is sponsored by Chronicles of Play. 

Head to their website: https://www.chroniclesofplay.com.au/

To purchase  copy of 365 Ways To Play: https://www.chroniclesofplay.com.au/product-page/365-ways-to-play-book

Instagram: @chroniclesofplay

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Connect with us on Instagram: @matrescence.podcast 

Head to our website: www.birthofamother.com.au