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Some of the behaviors you hate most about yourself might be proof that your brain did its job. Lauren Starnes joins me for a role-reversal conversation where she asks the questions and we go deep on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), childhood trauma, and the nervous system patterns that can follow us into adulthood.

We break down what an ACE score actually measures, why trauma is individual, and why the point is never comparison, it’s clarity. We connect the dots between early attachment wounds and the adult “protectors” so many of us live with: perfectionism, people pleasing, overgiving, control, and even self-sabotage. If you’ve ever felt ashamed of how you cope, I want you to hear this: those patterns often started as survival strategies designed to keep you connected and safe.

We also talk about burnout and the window of tolerance, plus what it looks like to “grow” your nervous system instead of white-knuckling your way through life. Lauren shares why healing happens best in safe connection, not in isolation, and why practicing small, intentional imperfection can expand capacity over time. I also share why deeper memories can surface as we remove old survival blocks, and why you should never go to those places alone.

If this conversation hits close to home, share it with someone you trust, subscribe so you don’t miss the next one, and leave a review to help more people find support and hope. What protector do you recognize most in yourself right now?

What are ACEs and how do I know my score? Click here for quiz

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Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are potentially traumatic events that occur before age 18, including abuse, neglect, and household challenges. These experiences are strongly linked to long-term health, mental health, and relational outcomes.

The 10 ACE Categories

Abuse

1. Emotional abuse
2. Physical abuse
3. Sexual abuse

Neglect
4. Emotional neglect
5. Physical neglect

Household Challenges
6. Mother treated violently (domestic violence)
7. Household substance abuse
8. Household mental illness or suicide attempt
9. Parental separation or divorce
10. Incarcerated household member

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One sentence can split your life into before and after: “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you will die.” That’s the moment Amy Watson remembers from a visit with Lauren Starns, a medically trained physician assistant turned nervous system specialist, and it becomes the doorway into a deeper conversation about trauma, the body, and what it really takes to get free.

We talk about why so many high-functioning people with PTSD, chronic stress, and burnout live in their heads while their bodies carry the cost. Lauren explains how the nervous system holds what we were not resourced to process, and why healing often works better when we stop obsessing over the trauma narrative and start listening to what is happening in the present. Amy connects that to trauma science, the window of tolerance, and what it looks like when the thinking brain goes offline and survival takes over.

We also dig into co-regulation and why humans cannot heal in isolation. Connection is not a bonus feature, it is biology. When someone else’s steady presence helps your system settle, you can finally access choice, build resources, and decide what comes next with clarity. If you want practical language for the mind-body connection, nervous system regulation that doesn’t feel like a trend, and a path toward a healthier, abundant, free life, press play.

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Disordered eating can look like a food issue on the outside, but we’ve learned it’s often a safety issue on the inside. When your nervous system lives in fight or flight, food can become the only language your body has left to ask for control, numbness, or relief. So we get honest about the parts people don’t post: trauma, grief, anger, guilt, and especially shame.

We walk through how trauma changes the brain’s relationship with safety and why shame keeps survival patterns stuck in place. I share research connections between trauma histories, PTSD symptoms, and eating disorder treatment, then break down how restricting, binging, and purging can function as coping strategies rather than character flaws. The goal isn’t to excuse the behavior or make it “pretty.” The goal is to make it make sense, so you can stop asking “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking “What happened to my nervous system?”

From there, we talk practical healing: nervous system regulation as the foundation of eating disorder recovery, the difference between rest and digest and fight or flight, and why neuroplasticity means your brain can learn safety again. We also touch trauma-informed care tools like somatic therapy, EMDR, and trauma-focused CBT, plus the role of safe relationships and, for our faith community, bringing compassion to the foot of the cross instead of carrying condemnation alone.

If this connects to your story, subscribe so you don’t miss the upcoming nervous system regulation conversations, share this with someone who needs hope, and leave a review to help others find it. What’s one small step that helps your body feel safe today?

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