I've been thinking a lot lately about how your life can just happen to you. And, if you're not careful you can wake up one day wondering how you ended up there.

But then, there are times when we take the bull by the horns and throw caution to the wind (and all the other cliches that you can think of), even if we know we might fail.

Anyway, I had a wonderful reminder of that strength and courage that we can summon this week when I spoke to the cabaret performer Rudy Jeevanjee.

Rudy found, through the Cocoa Butter Club, (which hosted regular nights at lost London space Her Upstairs), his people AND his purpose. What more could you ask for?

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Takeaways

• Realising one's sexuality can happen at a young age, and it is important to create a safe and accepting environment for young people to explore their identities.

• Early sexual experiences can shape one's understanding of their sexuality and impact their journey to find inner peace.
• Navigating relationships and the gay scene can be challenging, and it is important to find spaces and connections that feel genuine and supportive.

• The clubbing scene can provide a sense of belonging and freedom for LGBTQ+ individuals, but it may also lack inclusivity and representation.
• Performing can be a transformative experience that allows individuals to express different aspects of their identity and gain confidence.

• Embrace and celebrate all parts of yourself, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.

• The queer scene has evolved and changed over time, and individuals may have different experiences and preferences within it.

I love hearing people's stories of places that are close to their hearts - places where they spent tonnes of time, met lots of wonderful people, and figured out things about themselves.

But, you know what else I love?

When people want to talk about places that they HATED!

And hate is maybe too strong a word for this week's guest's experience, but I still enjoyed hearing about how the sticky floors and the dark, dank bar were just not up their alley.

And who's alley were we not up?

Well, it's Layne the Auctionista, who joined me to talk about Seven, the aforementioned dark bar that was found in London, Ontario, Canada.

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theauctionista/⁠

Website: https://auctionista.ca/⁠

Takeaways

• Coming out later in life can present unique challenges and opportunities for self-discovery and acceptance.
• Family acceptance and support are crucial in the coming out process.
• Finding community and connecting with others who share similar experiences is important for personal growth and a sense of belonging.
• Navigating lesbian spaces can be both empowering and challenging, with a range of experiences and representations.
• Transitioning to a non-binary identity can be a liberating and authentic expression of self. Authenticity and self-acceptance are key to finding happiness and love.

• Uncomfortable spaces can sometimes lead to significant personal growth.

• Lesbian stereotypes do not apply to everyone, and each relationship is unique.

So, if you were to ask me to overly generalise and boil down the types of experiences that guests on this show have had when first accessing a queer space I'd say they neatly fit in to two categories:

1) there are those who feel instantly at home and like they've arrived.

2) there are those who feel like an outsider, or a 'tourist' in the space.

Sometimes that feeling of being an outsider goes away after a few visits when they get the chance to ease in to the space and better understand the culture. But sometimes they remain a tourist... which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Which brings us to this week's guest - author, screenwriter, and producer Abdi Nazemian - who never stopped feeling like a tourist, but still credits his lost space, Disco 2000 at The Limelight in New York City, with inspiring him to be passionate and brave and fun.

We talk about the club kid scene in this episode, which was happening in NYC in the early 90s. I don't think you need to know much about the history of the scene to follow the conversation, but if you're so inclined I'd recommend reading this article to find out more (they even have their own Wikipedia page!)

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abdaddy/

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Website: https://www.abdinazemian.com/

Takeaways

• Arriving in New York City for college was a transformative experience for Abdi Nazemian, who felt a sense of freedom and self-expression in the city.
• Abdi's countercultural fashion sense and artistic interests set him apart in his boarding school, where he felt isolated and craved the vibrancy of a city like New York.
• The Club Kid scene in New York City in the 1990s provided a sense of community and liberation for Abdi, who found acceptance and a space to explore his identity.
• Abdi's journey of self-discovery and coming to terms with his sexuality was influenced by his experiences in the club scene and the challenges he faced in a conservative boarding school environment.
• The Club Kid scene had a profound impact on Abdi, inspiring him to create a new identity and embrace a sense of freedom and self-expression. The club kid scene provided a sense of liberation, creativity, and boldness for Abdi Nazemian.
• Creating a persona can be a survival necessity for queer individuals
• The process of self-creation in the Club Kid scene allowed Abdi to become the person he wanted to be.
• Being an outsider in different communities taught Abdi the importance of forgiveness and acceptance.
• Forgiveness requires acknowledging that blame may have been misplaced and finding peace. Blame, acceptance, and forgiveness are important aspects of personal growth and finding peace.
• Fear and shame associated with sexuality during the AIDS epidemic had a profound impact on queer individuals.

• Counterculture plays a significant role in shaping mainstream culture, and fresh ideas are essential in art and entertainment.