Christian is sick! He's sick and selfish. He begins the Patch by telling Josh and Dion about the poor decision he made to ride public transport while sick and the consequent pressure of having to 'cover up' his illness. After some light berating, we get to the heart of the matter, which is more annoying, a sniff? Or a cough? And what makes it annoying? The frequency? The sound? And do we dare discuss sneezing? We then reminisce on being judged if you ever blew your nose loudly as a child.

Josh recalls needing to send some event details on to his partner and asks Dion and Christian whether they are "screenshotters" or "copy pasters" when it comes to forwarding on event details? Josh treats the original message as a first draft, Christian choses to summarise in his own words, Dion crops and highlights. Out of nowhere, Dion decides he is finally picking a bone with Josh over how he shares the edited Patchwork episodes to him and Christian. We also discuss the stigma around leaving group chats.

To wrap the episode up, Josh asks whether he it is acceptable for him to serve guests lower quality beverages than what he has served himself?

With very special guest Oh Wow! and a new game, MetaFORE!

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Christian found a fantastic parking spot opposite the church at his nephew’s christening but isn’t sure whether the spot should be reserved for immediate family. Dion quickly finds a parallel to another moment Christian found a premium parking spot on the day of his auction. Does the finders keepers rule apply to parking spots? Or should you be considerate of those who may need to spot more than you?

We then ponder, why do humans refrain from stealing those enormous mounds of gravel and mulch dumped in driveways? Dion reveals that he may be a mulch thief while Josh can’t help but equate driveway mounds with takeaway fish and chips. Can you take clippings of a neighbours rosemary bush? Do you feel safe leaving items outside your home unattended? Why aren’t we more concerned about mail theft? Is it because of all the dead snails in everyone’s mailbox? Should we have more faith in our community?

Finally, Josh reflects on a recent temporary toilet experience and asks Dion and Christian what their ultimate setup would be. Dion reveals that after walking into a temporary toilet, he goes in for a big little sniff while Christian fawns over a tap that provides constant flow via a foot pump mechanism. We also discuss, when do you feel rushed in the toilet and Patchwork’s first ever trigger warning.

With very special guest Really Good and a naughty old man Dion goes to the library

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Christian has finally found the elderly neighbours he’s been looking for and, typically, they came in the form of a bowl of tomatoes. Dion questions the neighbours' motives and warns Christian by recounting the parable of his neighbour in sheep’s clothing. We then chat about rubbish collection and Josh laments finding a mystery coffee cup at the bottom of your freshly emptied bin.

Are you confident when cutting food in half? Are you worried about the dreaded ‘bigger half’? Does a muffin deserve better than Dion ripping it in half like a maddened primate? Josh falls on his sword and will always let his partner take the half they want while Christian proclaims that we’ve given individuals too much power to control the size of their slices. Dion wants to know, how an orange should be cut and we discuss the fundamentals of sharing.

Dion then asks us to ponder the age old question, what is a businessman? We dissect the words ‘cofounder’ and ‘entrepreneur’ and make fun of Josh for his pronunciation of the words. Stocks, briefcase, suit, computer - are these businessman? If the briefcase is flat, where does the lunch go? And why do people still wear a suit to work?

With very special guests "Scrolling Through Time" and "Patchword Of The Day"

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.