Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about how to reintegrate sex, self-pleasure for partners, the pain of a sexless relationship and the role of "hopium". They offer perspective on demanding repair, seeking connection and the power of taking care of yourself no matter what your partner is or isn't doing.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] What can I do to reclaim my sexuality?

[11:02] Should I insist on my partner moving out or do an in-house separation?

[16:42] When sex addiction isn't the only problem.

[19:32] How can I get my intimate needs met?

[29:05] Questions you really don't want the answers to.

[34:02] How can I build shame resiliency?

[39:56] Where do we start with sexual reconnection?

[42:51] Moving beyond objectification.

[48:03] I feel he broke it, and he needs to fix it.

[54:41] The power of community and connection.

[58:20] Is masturbation sexual betrayal?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "Your courage and willingness to talk about these issues will get you halfway there."

• "Do not threaten something that you're not willing to follow through on."

• "You have zero control over him. The only thing you can take care of is you."

Chelsey Brooke Cole and Tami discuss narcissistic personality structure and how to identify if someone is a narcissist. They consider myths of narcissism, the narcissistic cycle and how hoovering shows up, and the look and feel of various narcissistic types. They then answer participant questions about narcissist behavior, options for healing, and a realistic look at a future in a partnership with a narcissist.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:20] Hoovering and other narcissistic buzzwords.

[3:58] Chelsey's personal experience with narcissism.

[5:01] Debunking common myths about narcissism.

[9:20] Typical behavoirs of a narcissist.

[13:20] The defense mechanisms for the insecure, fragile ego of a narcissist.

[19:53] Characteristics of the six types of narcissists.

[25:05] Sex addiction and the narcissist.

[31:57] The narcissistic cycle of abuse, including hoovering.

[37:49] What triggers the Hoover phase?

[48:37] What happens if you decide to stay?

[49:45] Are there drawbacks to seeking a narcissist diagnosis?

[51:27] How can you gray rock a narcissist so they don't get escalation tactics?

[53:02] Is it a bad idea to point out narcissistic tendencies in your partner?

[54:09] Is narcissism treatable?

[56:17] Does my partner's behavior indicate narcissism?

[58:10] Do narcissists know what they are doing?

[1:00:21] What is the best approach to address the abuse of narcissistic traits used to self-protect and control?

[1:02:03] Can a narcissist develop empathy for their partner, and what does treatment involve?

[1:04:31] Is narcissism a mental health condition?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "Narcissism is not a diagnosis, it's a personality style and trait."

• "All narcissists, even the ones who will self-report having high self esteem, are subconsciously insecure pathologically."

• "Narcissistic abuse is like being in the middle of a tornado but not knowing it's a tornado."

• "Feeling desperate is not the same as being accountable."

• "Real accountability ends with you, Hoover statements always end with them."

Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about co-regulating, couples healing, betraying partners who continue to minimize and resources to help betrayed partners move forward. They also address maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms, the power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness, and the importance of honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:50] How can I tell if my partner is becoming regulated again?

[6:27] Physical signs that your partner is getting upset.

[9:20] What is defined as a crisis, and when do you talk about it?

[18:20] What is the practical difference between addiction and problematic porn?

[21:45] Why is your spouse not your priority?

[27:43] The power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness.

[31:30] Three follow-up questions about recovery resources.

[33:10] Is there any hope for a future that is not dominated by betrayal?

[38:10] Honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.

[45:46] How can I get past the egregious images of his betrayal?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "It is the addict's responsibility to set aside their own crisis until the partner feels heard and supported."

• "The more you grow in your recovery, the more capacity you will have."

• "How are you supporting yourself?" And if he's not listening to you, do you have people in your life who are?"

• "Your relationship may never improve, but you don't have to feel damaged."

• "Even if your partner chooses not to do the work, that does not have to define who you are."