During the final episode of our season on partnership in CPTSD recovery, Tanner summarizes some of the biggest lessons she has learned in partnership. While some of these are universal, all are especially important in the context of complex trauma recovery and partnership. We explore how to support and build up our relationship as we do some of the tougher healing work of recovery. We unpack the valuable practice of building time to talk into your daily schedule and discuss what is often behind relationship issues that keep on arising. Next, we explore what it might look like to create a sacred union and refuse to disrespect it, touching on the reorganizing and disorienting that occurs during CPTSD recovery. Lastly, you’ll hear all about the beautiful balance of having independent pursuits and shared values in your relationship and how important it is to be able to answer the question of who you are outside of it. Thanks for joining us for this season! I will back May 3rd with the first episode of Season 12!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Welcome to the final episode on our season dedicated to partnership in CPTSD recovery.

• Honoring those who have been with us for the whole series.

• Plans for Season 12 of CPTSD to be released on the third of May.

• What this episode consists of: five lessons Tanner learned in partnership while healing from complex trauma.

• The need to build in time to talk into your daily schedule.

• Understanding that some things that keep coming back simply do so because they are unresolved.

• Creating the sacred union and refusing to disrespect your partner.

• The reorganizing and disorienting that occurs during CPTSD recovery.

• Living in the overlap of shared values with your partner.

• Supporting independent pursuits and appropriate levels of autonomy.

• Answering the question of who you are without your partner.

• A recap of the five lessons learned.

Quotes:

“It can be very reorganizing and disorienting to come to meet the human that emerges during CPTSD recovery.” — Tanner Wallace [18:26]

“What we want to do is come into this beautiful middle space where I am dependent on my partner in very healthy, intentional ways, but I’m also supported in my independent pursuits and I am granted a level of autonomy that feels right in my body.” — Tanner Wallace [21:57]

“Each partner should be able to answer, at any point in the relationship, who am I without you?” — Tanner Wallace [22:23]

“If it’s not resolved, that means it’s going to keep coming back.” — Tanner Wallace [23:28]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Book A New Client Consultation

CPTSD Medicine on Instagram

CPTSD Medicine on Facebook

CPTSD Medicine on YouTube

Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter

CPTSD Medicine Podcast

We can learn a lot from other people's questions, especially since they can bring up ideas we may never have thought to explore or put forward ourselves. And if you’re in any kind of group therapy setting, the response from the guide, coach, or mentor, will likely be meant for you as well, not just the person posing the question. In that spirit, we invite you to join today’s conversation as we answer a series of questions submitted by you, our listeners! Tuning in you’ll hear thoughtful and considered responses to each query. We explore prompts that will help you answer the sacred question “How to know when it’s time to say goodbye”, options for establishing a fresh start with a long-term partner who hurt you in the past, what you need to understand about the concept of integration after unburdening, and much more. We hope you’ll join us for this expansive conversation as we explore listener questions and beyond!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Details on the special training program being launched in October and how to get involved.

• An overview of the exciting things happening in the CPTSD universe.

• Answering your listener questions on CPTSD.

• Old hurts in the context of CPTSD recovery, and a long-term relationship.

• How to truly start fresh, and build a safe and nourishing relationship with the same partner.

• Working internally with the younger wounded parts of ourselves.

• Updating those internal parts so that they can see what our current reality is.

• Prompts to help you answer the sacred question “How to know it’s time to say goodbye”.

• The many steps you can take before concluding that it’s time to say goodbye.

• An examination of what to do if your partner has narcissistic characteristics.

• Acknowledging the good within them and building bridges with their protective parts.

• Explaining the concept of integration after unburdening.

• Taking a moment to honor the privilege of answering your listener questions.

Quotes:

“There's so much to learn from other people's questions, because sometimes there's questions posed that we would have never thought to ask.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [05:48]

“Sometimes older versions of us from our adolescent years will confuse our partner for our parent or will confuse our partner for an ex-lover or an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. And that needs to be cleaned up because that's also a distortion.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [15:21]

“There's a very high bar for saying goodbye, in my personal opinion, because there's so much that can be done. To reach that point where you say with authenticity, clarity, transparency, it's time for me to say goodbye.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [25:22]

“A human that doesn't see other humans as human has been hurt horrifically. At some deep cellular level, they've been rejected.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [29:34]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Book A New Client Consultation

CPTSD Medicine on Instagram

CPTSD Medicine on Facebook

CPTSD Medicine on YouTube

Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter

CPTSD Medicine Podcast

In this culture of never-ending healing and never-ending personal development, it’s important to remember that one can heal from CPTSD, permanently. But to do so, your relational ecosystem needs to be strong and for that, you need a base of supportive humans. Today’s show is all about navigating complex relationships with extended friends and family in your trauma ecosystem. We discuss the role and importance of good communication, how others may react to your healing journey, the responsibility of safety in adults and children, and everything you need to take into account regarding your partner and your extended trauma ecosystem. We also assess four trauma sets that may negatively impact partnerships, and we are reminded of the importance of the unburdening process and of separating oneself energetically while remaining emotionally invested.

Key Points From This Episode:

• How it’s possible to completely heal from CPTSD.

• Why it’s important to know how to navigate relationships within your trauma ecosystem.

• The role of communication.

• How friends and family may react to your healing journey.

• What it looks like as you progress further in your recovery.

• Why safety is an internal experience for adults and an external demand for children.

• What you need to know regarding extended family, friends, and your partner.

• Four trauma sets that influence partnerships.

• Separating energetically but remaining close emotionally.

Quotes:

“CPTSD, [a] complex trauma, is a specific relational injury that impacts almost every aspect of your life, internally and externally. And yet, it can be healed. It can be resolved. You can complete active recovery of CPTSD.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [01:50]

“The disconnections, the no contact, the estrangements; all of those, as I understand it now, are human attempts to demand external safety when in truth, safety is an internal experience.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [06:00]

“Continue to unburden your own system and radiate compassion, forgiveness, and love, and keep showing up in those frequencies and see what happens over time.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [11:43]

“Just repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. It’s the same basic things again and again and again that create a successful CPTSD recovery journey.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [34:56]

Longer Quotes:

“You can’t really have a real, authentic, intimate relationship with somebody [who’s] running [on] survival instinct. You can appreciate them, you can hold space for them, you can be around them, you can laugh with them, you can even have fun with them, but that deep, reciprocal, authentic, genuine intimacy is not possible.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [09:54]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

SUBMIT A QUESTION

CPTSD Medicine on Instagram

CPTSD Medicine on Facebook

CPTSD Medicine on YouTube

Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter

CPTSD Medicine Podcast