What comes to mind for you when I say the words, “Self-Gaslighting”? For some of us, we automatically resonate, and know that we have, indeed, done this to ourselves. For others, the old definition of gaslighting we may know brings resistance, as we can’t help but hear some sort of victim blaming. In my practice, the MOST powerful transformations have happened when people have understood the way we “self-gaslight”, have broken the power those messages had over them, and rewrote the narrative. This topic of self-gaslighting is so important, I’m dedicating the whole month of May to it. I’m calling this living in the land of shoulds.

In today’s episode, I’m going to explain just what self-gaslighting is, and the two main ways it happens.

I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.

Story Time: Sarah talks about the main principles of self-gaslighting - giving examples of direct and indirect origins, and how (and why) those messages get internalized/become self-directed gaslighting messages.

Top Take-Aways:

1. Get curious about statements that drive you, but don’t come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself – statements like, “I’m not enough” or “I’m too much”.
2. Ask yourself, “If I could hear what my authentic self would say to me about this belief, what would they say?”
3. Get curious about the origins of any of these statements. Did someone say something to you directly that you internalized? Did you extrapolate meaning from your surroundings?
4. Make a pledge to yourself to do your best to not be “self-directing” with any gaslighting statements.

I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

Did you experience gaslighting in your family of origin? While most of my clients find me to help heal from the gaslighting they’ve experienced in their intimate partnership, almost every single one eventually begins to see how the gaslighting they’ve endured goes all the way back to things that happened in their childhood. Today, I’ve brought on an old friend and colleague whose experiences in this realm will help you see the impact this type of gaslighting has on so many of us.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on my podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing.

My guest today is Christy Kane of Soul Work Counseling.

Story Time: Sarah and Christy have a candid conversation around the GASLIGHTING Christy endured at the hands of her family of origin, and it's profound impact throughout her life.

Top Take-Aways:

1. If you're trying to decide about which route to take with your family of origin - either cutting them out of your life or trying the boundaries route: look out for the "shoulds". Like, "I should let them stay with me when they visit", etc.
2. Give yourself permission to reassess your boundaries periodically/as needed.
3. Remind yourself of the "broken chair analogy".

If you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Chrity’s websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.

I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

When you stop and do the math, what consumes most of your time? When you think about the relationships that may involve GASLIGHTING, what makes the top of your list? Was work your first or second response? If not, it might need to be. So today I’m going to talk just a little bit about GASLIGHTING in the work environment.

I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I wanted to let you know about a FREE summit that is happening right now. The 2024 Choose Connection Summit. It’s theme this year is: Strengthened by the Storm. This summit is the only one I am speaking at this year that is primarily focused on couples working on healing from the trauma of secret betrayal. If this is you, I encourage you to jump on this opportunity while it’s still FREE, and hear from not only me, but many other of the worlds’ leading experts in this field.

Story Time: Sarah has fun sharing the lyrics from the song, "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton, while also sharing some things to be aware of when trying to notice GASLIGHTING in your work environments.

GASLIGHTING in the workplace can be a very real, very disempowering, abusive experience. It causes confusion, depression, anxiety; it can take an intelligent, confident, super-qualified person and reduce them to a person who questions whether any decision they make it the right one or will be “good enough”.

Top Take-Aways:

• Look for ways DARVO may show up in the work world.
• Remember it's not always between your boss/management & you - OFTEN it’s between coworkers.
• Remember to stay connected to what you know to be true. Keep a record of what was said, when, by whom. Whether you do anything with this information or not depends on a LOT of the potential fallout of your actions.
• The main point is to not lose yourself and take on the other people’s perceptions. This is what will help you not get stuck in toxic work environments longer than you have to.

As I wrap up today, I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.