I recently asked you, the listener what your facing today, and what you'd like to hear discussed on the podcast. One dear listener wrote-How to accept and love the life you have when it's not how you imagined it. This is huge and I know I can totally relate!! If you would've asked 20 year old me to describe what my life could or should look like at 40...I wouldn't have been able to picture the life I'm living now. If you would've asked 35 year old me I still couldn't have pictured myself here. This episode isn't called How Did I Get Here, because we're not focusing on the past. We're talking about acceptance, which anyone who's had the pleasure of early sobriety knows a thing or two about. We're talking about gratitude. We're talking about inquiry and finding a way to make peace with reality. I feel good about this one. You are so loved.

The one that doesn't play into the dysfunction is targeted as the problem. -Teal Swan What is a scapegoat? A person who is blamed for the wrong doings, mistakes or faults of others, especially for reasons of convenience. They are the one that bears the blame for others and is the object of irrational hostility. They are portrayed in a negative light to others. They are painted as unlikeable and their character is consistently attacked. This is abuse. This is gaslighting. This is not your fault and it is not ok. You are so loved.

I recently asked for listener input for situations that you're struggling with and would like some help reframing. One woman reached out and shared: "How do I overcome embarrassing memories? I think about them in the middle of the night and then I'm up all night with anxiety." Why do we get embarrassed? The root cause seems that we're anticipating a negative evaluation from others. We think that the image of ourselves we'd like to portray has been undermined and that it creates a negative impression of who we are. We're worried they'll judge us based on that interaction-but in reality-we're judging ourselves worse that they ever could or would! Instead f trying to forget it, it may be helpful to accept it and even laugh at it. Talk to a trusted friend or relative who can help you see the humor in the situation. Remember that we all make mistakes and NO ONE thinks about us as much as we think about ourselves. What you're focusing on is in the past-focus forward. It's totally ok to visit past memories, they can be a compass and guide us in the direction we don't want to go. Just don't stay there! You can analyze the circumstances and see where you can redirect and make adjustments. You can even list 5 your top 5 cringe worthy memories then really as yourself-was it really that big of a deal? Was it the end of the world? So what if I did or said something silly? If you hurt yourself, someone else or altered relationships then this is an opportunity to self reflect and use it to alter your choices and actions, but if not-give yourself a great big break!! Do you allow yourself to make mistakes?? How would you think of or judge your child, best friend, sister if they did or said the same thing or something similar? Would it carry the same weight? Would it keep you up at night? It's time to set the past down, you're not headed there. In these moments give yourself the grace you'd give to a loved one and allow yourself to be human. If you need a reminder that we all do things we aren't proud of you can call and swap stories with me... Remember, these feelings are based on what you think other people are thinking about you. Repeat this mantra-I am who I think you think I am You are so loved.