Too Tired to Fight

13 Essential Conflicts Parents Must Have to Keep Their Relationship Strong

By: Erin Mitchell MACP, Stephen Mitchell PhD

Narrated by: Erin Mitchell MACP, Stephen Mitchell PhD, Leiana Bertrand, James Fouhey, Jay Myers, Heni Zoutomou

How couples with kids can transform 13 common relationship fights into closer connection, from popular Instagram counselors Erin and Stephen Mitchell (@couples.counseling.for.parents).

Parenting changes a couple’s relationship in fundamental ways, but most parents are too exhausted from the demands of life, work, and engaging their kids to prioritize their relationship. This can lead to repeated conflict and an overwhelming sense of anxiety, anger, hurt, and loneliness…just when you need your partner’s support the most. The good news: conflict is actually a sign that you are trying to connect with your partner—you’re just stuck in an old pattern of communication.

In Too Tired to Fight, Erin and Stephen Mitchell use their 20-plus years of counseling experience to walk couples through the 13 conflicts that are not just normal but necessary to keep a partnership strong once kids enter the picture, including:

• The “Your Parenting Is Wrong” Conflict
• The “I’m More Tired Than You” Conflict
• The “Stop Choosing Your Family Over Ours” Conflict
• The “Sex Life? What Sex Life?” Conflict

In each scenario, they show how this conflict plays out—and offer scripts, questions for reflection, and their tried-and-true Conflict to Connection Equation that couples can use in the moment to communicate true repair and resolution. Their secret: by expressing your feelings and intentionally listening to your partner—not just venting or reacting to your stress-response system—you can work through the “pain points” of parenthood together and actually make your relationship happier and healthier as a result.

Life changing!

This book has been a complete game changer for my marriage. It has not only helped us recognize our feelings about each conflict, but it helps you understand the deeper rooted ‘why’ behind it. It just makes so much sense and is so well written where both parties can really grasp both sides. It has created a much more peaceful household and my spouse and I are finally working to resolve long-standing conflicts. I can’t recommend this book enough!

Profound read for ALL couples who are parents

In Too Tired to Fight, Erin and Stephen masterfully explore the complexities of conflicts within relationships during the parenting stage, making it a compelling read for anyone who has kids or is currently pregnant.

Each conflict is depicted so perfectly it fosters empathy for the side one might not initially relate to—a testament to the book's profound impact and intention that it's not about the conflict it's about finding a connection point.

The first conflict resonated so deeply with me, it brought back unresolved disputes with my partner, that we never fully resolved but simply outgrew. Listening to this chapter made my heart race as it exposed the unresolved feelings of being misunderstood. It made me wish we could re-do those arguments using the equation that Erin and Stephen so eloquently laid out.

One standout chapter dealt with the "touched out" argument. The suggestion of using a single moment as an indicator that each person is trying to show their love and effort was brilliant. If you know this phrase, you'll love this chapter.

Overall, I couldn't have loved this book more. It's not a one-time read but a resource to revisit as new challenges arise in your parenting and relationship journey.

Finally, my ultimate takeaway is that Erin and Stephen need a TV show. It would be so interesting and educational to see couples navigate these conflicts in real-time. It's not a simple conversation but a complex journey that could span multiple episodes. PRETTY PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN!!!

Too Tired to Fight is a transformative read, offering profound insights into relationship dynamics and the importance of empathy, communication, and connection. Highly recommended for anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of both their partner and themselves and ultimately their relationship.

Great book

All or nearly all of the conflicts discussed in the book are variations on conflicts we’ve had in our relationship since having kids. I think it’s already helping us move closer and understand one another better. Only (minor) thing that I felt could have made the audiobook version better is if some of the voice actors weren’t so hammy in their performance.

So relatable

Amazing listen. Was able to relate to every single conflict they mentioned. Helped me understand my partners point of view.

Should be required for all couples

Thank you, Erin and Stephen, for sharing so much from your personal and professional experience. As you can imagine, I find myself listening to this because I want to repair and strengthen my relationship with my parenting partner. I have learned so much from your podcasts and now this book. The work of nurturing any relationship will never be complete but the lessons I am picking up from you will help so much.