Calling In

By: Loretta J Ross

Narrated by: Loretta J Ross

From a pioneering Black feminist and MacArthur “Genius” Fellow, this urgent and exhilarating memoir-manifesto-handbook provides bold, practical new ways to transform conflicts into connections, even with those we’re tempted to walk away from.

In 1979, Loretta Ross was a single mother in Washington who’d had to drop out of Howard University. She was working at the DC Rape Crisis Center when the organization got a letter from a man in prison saying he wanted to learn how to not be a rapist anymore. At first, she was furious. As a survivor of sexual violence, she wanted to write back pouring out her rage. Instead, she made a different choice, a choice to reject the response her trauma was pushing her towards. This choice would set her on the path towards developing a framework that would come to guide her whole career: Rather than calling people out, try to call even your unlikeliest allies in. Hold them accountable—but with love.

Calling In is at once a handbook, a manifesto, and a memoir—because the power of Loretta Ross’s message comes from who she is and what she’s lived through. She’s a Black woman who’s deprogrammed white supremacists, and a survivor who’s taught convicted rapists the principles of feminism. With stories from her five remarkable decades in activism, she vividly illustrates why calling people in—inviting them into conversation instead of conflict and focusing on your shared values over a desire for punishment—is the more strategic choice if you want to make real change. And she shows you how to do so, whether in the workplace, on a college campus, or in your living room.

Courageous, awe-inspiring, and blisteringly authentic, Calling In is a “masterclass in constructive confrontation” (Adam Grant) and a practical new solution from one of our country’s most extraordinary change-makers—one anyone can learn to use to transform frustrating and divisive conflicts that stand in the way of real connection with the people in your life.

Critic reviews

"Loretta J. Ross delivers her audiobook in an authentic-sounding voice. A longtime activist, Ross provides a detailed discussion on the practice of “calling in” people who need education and support on difficult issues. This is different from “calling out” someone, either in person or on social media, an approach Ross asserts may feel good in the moment but has limited positive impact. Ross is open about her own life experiences and education, which provided insights on how to connect with people where they are. Her work includes group facilitation for incarcerated men and an extended interaction with a former white supremacist. Both are examples of how “calling in” is demanding but meaningful. Ross’s voice reflects the compassion and intellect necessary for this work.'

“A master class in constructive confrontation—and Loretta J. Ross is the ideal teacher, with profound insights about how to get through to others and maintain your own dignity along the way.”
—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the podcast Re:Thinking

“Calling in is far more crucial to human survival than calling out, and Loretta J. Ross has written a personal and political book that proves it! There is no one whose experience I would trust more.”
—Gloria Steinem

“A survival guide for American progressives. If you are on the left and want to make lasting change in our world, please read this book.”
—Amanda Ripley, New York Times bestselling author of High Conflict

“What a refreshing and necessary book. Loretta J. Ross has offered us an escape hatch here—with wisdom, experience, and integrity. We would all do well to follow her lead.”
—Abigail Disney, activist and philanthropist

"A rich and compelling narrative. Courageous, practi­cal and ultimately, very hopeful."
—BookPage (Starred Review)

"With humor and grace, Ross... offers advice on how to find harmony among those with diametrically opposing viewpoints."
—Booklist

“A highly recommended, necessary read for anyone who finds themself grating against those with different political beliefs. Ross’s book has plenty of potential for discussions and healing relations between friends and family and maybe even strangers.”
—Library Journal

Good advice for handling calling out and not stopping create working relationships

Good perspective on the cancel culture-left and right and how to get through it and build teams

Everyone should read

My Take

Loretta Ross’s Calling In stands out as both a powerful narrative and a blueprint for building more inclusive, empathetic dialogue in activism—and in our everyday lives. It’s not about sugarcoating, nor avoiding conflict—but about choosing strategic confrontation rooted in love and accountability, especially when the goal is lasting change and human connection.

the genuine stories let the reader know she has walked in our moccasins and thoroughly analyzed the tools of survival.

i couldn't make the recording advance or move backward as I usually can to relisten for key points.

Heartfelt, Brave, and Useful

Loretta Ross is an inspiration. This book is enjoyable and educational. I appreciate the balance of story telling and actionable tools.

Committing myself to seeing the person before the action

Raw and honest performance and great lessons. I’m now attempting to see the human side of people before judging their actions.