In the Days of My Youth I Was Told What It Means to Be a Man

A Memoir

By: Tom Junod

Narrated by: Tom Junod

THE NEW YORK TIMES BOOK REVIEW EDITORS' CHOICE • From two-time National Magazine Award winner Tom Junod, a searching, brilliantly stylized memoir about a charismatic, philandering father who tried to mold his son in his image, the many secrets he hid, the son’s obsessive quest to uncover them, and ultimately, the true meaning of manhood

“Affecting. . . . Moves like a song, drawing you in with its melody before delivering an emotional wallop.” —The New York Times

Big Lou Junod dominated every room he entered. He worshipped the sun and the sea, his own bronzed body, Frank Sinatra, and beautiful women. He was a successful traveling handbag salesman who carried himself like a celebrity. He’d return from the road with stories of going to nightclubs where the stars—Ava Gardner, maybe Liz Taylor—“couldn’t keep their eyes off . . . your father.” He had countless affairs and didn’t do much to hide them.

Lou could be cruel to Fran, his wife of fifty-nine years, but he loved his youngest son. Tom was a skin-and-bones, nervous boy, devoted to his mother, but Lou sought to turn him into a version of himself. He showered him with advice about how to dress (“A turtleneck is the most flattering thing a man can wear”), how to be an alpha male, and especially, how to attract and bed women. His parting speech when Tom went to college was: “Do yourself a favor and date a Jewish girl. They’re all nymphos.”

Tom wrestled with Lou’s imposing presence all his life. When one of Lou’s mistresses stood up at his funeral and announced, “Can we all . . . just agree . . . that this . . . was a man,” Tom set off to learn the facts of his father’s life, and why he was the way he was. The stunning secrets he uncovered—about his father, his father’s lovers, and deceptions going back generations—staggered Tom, but in the process allowed him, at last, to become his own man, by his own lights.

In the Days of My Youth I Was Told What It Means to Be a Man is an intensely emotional detective story powered by a series of cascading revelations. The book is a triumph of bravura writing; it is a tale of a son reckoning with the consequences of his father’s life, and in the end, the story of the son’s redemption.

Relentless, Spellbinding Narrative

Could not stop listening... I stayed up for nearly 48 hours straight.

The author’s thoroughness, memory and observational skill are stunning. The twists and turns are unimaginable and breathtaking.

The way he unravels his father’s complexities and contradictions is deeply satisfying. The narration brings to life the magnetic pull and underlying terror embodied by Lou Junod; something that will stay with me for a long time.

Wow! Long Island, Big Lou, Family and just plain powerful!!

This book is a surprise waiting around every corner, year and decade. Growing up on da Island. The book brought me back to my youth, uncle's, neighbors and life as it was once known. No cell phones, a better time. Tom performs the narration perfectly bringing you into the people and times as vividly as if you were there. The amazing research and memory of the man is impressive. This book will not disappoint, it will suprise you many times and make you think.... About life and family. Be gentle, you never know what someone has gone through. We are all flawed in some way, make the best of this life. We only have one. Buy the audio it will not disappoint!

A family saga

I picked this book based on a short review in the New York Times. It is a twisting tail of a complicated family that it’s beautifully told by Tom junod. Having him do the narration was an added bonus. I don’t think anyone could’ve voiced his father as perfectly. Great story, beautifully told.

Best Book of the Year!

The author’s voice is authentic, available and very funny! He shares his insights generously. Most of the characters are vivid and, to a fellow Long Islander, believable!

A true insight into the American family

What an incredible memoir. Probably most honest insight into the American family that I’ve ever read.