Welts on Your Butt a Calf Could Suck Audiobook By Tom Brand cover art

Welts on Your Butt a Calf Could Suck

Reflections on Faith, Family, and a Farm Kid’s Life

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Welts on Your Butt a Calf Could Suck

By: Tom Brand
Narrated by: Tom Brand
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“Keep the hogs away from there or I’ll put welts on your butt a calf could suck.”

It wasn’t profanity. It was punctuation.

Welts on Your Butt a Calf Could Suck brings small-town stories to life from the gravel roads and hog lots of northwest Missouri—where dinner came at noon, supper came at sundown, 4-H wasn’t just an after-school activity, and life’s best lessons were often learned the hard way (sometimes barefoot).

With warmth, humor, and just the right touch of grit, longtime farm broadcaster and community advocate Tom Brand shares tales of faith, family, fences, feed buckets, and the kind of characters you don’t forget. Some stories will make you laugh. Others might bring a lump to your throat. A few might hit closer to home than you'd expect.

Whether you’re a farm kid at heart, someone who grew up knowing which rows to walk in a bean field, or just love stories that feel like they’re told from across a kitchen table — this audiobook is for you.

©2025 Tom Brand / Richardson & Company Press (P)2025 Tom Brand / Richardson & Company Press
Biographies & Memoirs Christian Living Christianity Cultural & Regional Heartfelt Witty Missouri
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