But Won't I Miss Me

A Novel

By: Tiffany Tsao

Narrated by: Siho Ellsmore

Set in an alternate reality where pregnancy endows women with exceptional powers, one new mother uncovers terrifying truths about herself and life in this philosophical and propulsive tale of a woman and mother in crisis.

In a world where drastic measures have averted the global environmental crisis, humans too are now subject to great transformation.

Vivi should be happy she’s pregnant. But she’s troubled by a looming reality that seemingly bothers no one else: having a baby also means birthing an identical, nearly indestructible self who will eat her and take her place. “Rebirth” is simply a fact of life—nature’s way of equipping women for the challenges of motherhood. But as Vivi’s unborn child develops, so does her fear.

In a rare turn of events, Vivi emerges from rebirth weakened rather than strong. When her husband cannot tolerate her defects, they divorce and Vivi relocates to the country with her baby to work for her old boss.

Chronically exhausted, mentally struggling, and on her own, Vivi must move on—for her own and her son’s sake. But just as with her failed rebirth, swapping old for new isn’t as straightforward as it seems. When Vivi finally discovers what went wrong during childbirth, it will rewrite her life utterly: future, present, and past.

An inspired blend of Nightbitch and The Substance, as enthralling and incisive as The School of Good Mothers and The Need, But Won’t I Miss Me is a gripping and profound exploration of the physical and psychological tolls of motherhood, with a speculative horror spin. Tiffany Tsao imaginatively reveals the macabre hidden in the mundane and asks us to consider what we lose of ourselves when we leave our broken parts behind.