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Bite Me
- A Love Story
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
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Publisher's summary
"The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup.
"‘Cept there’s no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue. Abby wants to be a blood sucking fiend, too, but right now she’s really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there’s that vampire cat Chet, who’s getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non."
Before you can say “OMG! WTF?” Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby’s gay Goth friend Jared, and SF’s finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that’s when the fun really begins.
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Sam Hunter is a bit of an animal. He's a former Twin Cities cop who lost his badge because of excessive force. Abusive husbands, child molesters, and other lowlifes wound up looking like they'd been mauled by a dog...or a wolf. Now Sam's a low-rent PI in Philadelphia. He takes the kinds of cases no one wants. His clients are usually on the fringes of society. The kind who are prey for all manner of predators - human and otherwise.
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SO, CLICHE I ALMOST LAUGHED
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-10-17
By: Jonathan Maberry
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The Necromancer's House
- By: Christopher Buehlman
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 11 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Andrew Ranulf Blankenship is a handsome, stylish nonconformist with wry wit, a classic Mustang, and a massive library. He is also a recovering alcoholic and a practicing warlock, able to speak with the dead through film. His house is a maze of sorcerous booby traps and escape tunnels, as yours might be if you were sitting on a treasury of Russian magic stolen from the Soviet Union thirty years ago.
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Finally - Magic / Fantasy Novel for adults.
- By David on 04-23-14
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Bone Shop
- A Marla Mason Novel
- By: T. A. Pratt
- Narrated by: Jessica Almasy
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.
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LIKE LIVING IN A FRAT HOUSE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 07-12-17
By: T. A. Pratt
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Blood Oranges
- A Siobhan Quinn Novel
- By: Kathleen Tierney
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
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My name's Quinn. If you buy into my reputation, I'm the most notorious demon hunter in New England. But rumors of my badassery have been slightly exaggerated. Instead of having kung-fu skills and a closet full of medieval weapons, I'm an ex-junkie with a talent for being in the wrong place at the right time. Or the right place at the wrong time. Or…whatever. Wanted for crimes against inhumanity I (mostly) didn't commit, I was nearly a midnight snack for a werewolf until I was "saved" by a vampire calling itself the Bride of Quiet.
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Great Narration, Subpar Book
- By Mel Thomas on 12-17-14
By: Kathleen Tierney
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Zombies: More Recent Dead
- By: Neil Gaiman, Carrie Vaughn, Caitlin R. Kiernan, and others
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt, Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 20 hrs and 14 mins
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The living dead are more alive than ever! Zombies have become more than an iconic monster for the 21st century: They are now a phenomenon constantly revealing as much about ourselves - and our fascination with death, resurrection, and survival - as our love for the supernatural or post-apocalyptic speculation. Our most imaginative literary minds have been devoured by these incredible creatures and produced exciting, insightful, and unflinching new works of zombie fiction.
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A well blended mix
- By The Lone Mopper on 07-30-15
By: Neil Gaiman, and others
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All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault
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Kim Lam is an ordinary college student until a freak scientific accident (what else?) transforms Kim and three housemates into Sparks - and drafts them into the never-ending war between the Light and Dark. They struggle to master their new abilities - and (of course) to design cool costumes and come up with great hero-names. Turns out that "accident" was just the first salvo in a Mad Genius's latest diabolical scheme. Now it's up to four newbie heroes to save the day, before they even have a chance to figure out what their team's name should be!
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Great start to a new series!
- By Donaithnen on 11-16-17
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Grave Witch
- Alex Craft Series, Book 1
- By: Kalayna Price
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Not even death can save her now. As a grave witch, Alex Craft can speak to the dead---she's even on good terms with Death himself. As a consultant for the police, she's seen a lot of dark magic, but nothing has prepared her for her latest case.
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Excellent Story Narrator needs alot more practice
- By Persistant.SNAFU on 07-06-11
By: Kalayna Price
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Glass Houses
- Morganville Vampires, Book 1
- By: Rachel Caine
- Narrated by: Cynthia Holloway
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Morganville, Texas, is a small college town filled with quirky characters. But when the sun goes down, the bad come out. Because in Morganville, there is an evil that lurks in the darkest shadows---one that will spill out into the bright light of day.
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Be Aware..
- By Justin on 07-21-09
By: Rachel Caine
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Crimes by Moonlight
- Mysteries from the Dark Side
- By: Charlaine Harris - author/editor
- Narrated by: Natalie Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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In number-one New York Times best-selling author Charlaine Harris’s "Dahlia Underground,” venerable vampire Dahlia Lynley-Chivers survives an attack by an anti-vampire terrorist group, only to show them they tried to blow up the wrong bloodsucker. Bailey Ruth Raeburn, a ghost assigned to assist humans in trouble, steps into the middle of a marital dispute with surprising twists in Carolyn Hart’s “Riding High”....
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Pleasantly surprised
- By Bonnie on 08-06-11
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John Dies at the End
- By: David Wong
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why?
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Vulgar Funny. 4.95 Sale Win.
- By C Yohe on 11-19-12
By: David Wong
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Excellent German Translation and Performance
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Lamb
- The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
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Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more (except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdalan) and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.
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Blasphemus or righteous?
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What listeners say about Bite Me
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- geremy
- 11-11-18
Left me wanting more
Great story. It was funny and witty, tied in to his other stories well. The narrator is great. I miss the characters already.
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- L. Markison
- 09-24-15
What a fun story!
I was this book first and now having listened to it Christopher Moore's ability to capture quirky characters is amazing! This is due to Susan Bennett's brilliant performance! Her portrait of ABy Normal is so much fun!
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- Paul
- 07-11-16
Classic Love story
K so this isn't a classic love story in the traditional sense. It 's a story about love and vampires and vampire cats. Our heroes Jody and Tommy are trapped in bronze thanks to chipper but not goth girl Abby Normal and anime boyfriend Foo-Dog because Tommy doesn't want to be a vamp anymore but Jody does. Chet the formerly huge shaved cat is now a huge shaved vampire cat and spends his nights turning other kitties into vampire kitties and turning San Francisco's homeless into dust. Cops Cavuto and Rivera, along with the Emperor and the Animals are on a quest to stop the vampire cat with some help from Foo dog's UV jackets, Abby's help and help from a mysterious samurai. All the characters from You Suck appear and offer assistance to the motley gang.
K so, there's a handful of points of view. Tommy, Jody, The Emperor, Lispy Jared, and the classic Abby Normal to name a few. They all have a different tone. Some are real-time, some are past tense and in the case of Abby, a blog.
K so, the book is great, it's funny, sweet, tense, sad and hopeful. It's light reading, perfect for summer. I had a lot of fun with this and I'll miss the characters, and happenings of our vampire friends, but it reached its natural conclusion.
K so why isn't this a 5-star book. As good as it is, it just doesn't have the epic feel of a 5-star book. It's fun, but light, and i think it's the lightness that doesn't give it that 5-star book.
K so, Susan Bennett delivers a performance of a lifetime. She reaches the next level of narration with this book. It's a step up from You Suck and every character is great, believable and has a unique voice that is memorable.
K so, you should totally listen to this book and have a good time while doing it. It really is a lot of fun. It's light, silly, vulgar, and memorable for all the right reasons.
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- january
- 05-24-12
Great finish to the series!
I was so glad that this book was written mostly from Abby Normal's point of view. The narrator nailed it! It was a fantastic conclusion to this series of books.
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- DecemberRain
- 04-10-16
Rawr
Abby Normal: A valley girl with a brain and flair for drama. Emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area. Vampire?!? Oh my. Rawr indeed.
The best part of this book in my opinion was hearing it through the voice of Abby Normal, reading her journal entries, seeing her take on things. She is probably my favorite blonde personality ever. She calls it "perky" side and despises it, it really adds a funny dimension to the book.
And wow do a lot of insane things happen in this book. Giant vampire cat, vampire mice, vampire Abby. Just when you think it cant get any crazier, it does.
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- Mar Chen
- 05-27-22
awesome
3rd in the trilogy, I loved the previous 2 and this book did not disappoint
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- Yajaira
- 09-08-22
It's the Abby show!
The narration and multitude of voices are excellent, but the story is just sooo Abby and exposition heavy. You know how you see Mo movie that's really good, and then the inferior sequels just keep coming? I feel like Moore was told to write a third vampire book.
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Overall
- JC
- 07-20-10
I was leery
but i was wrong, this whole series was fantastic. i don't think i've ever laughed so hard when reading / listening to books. People would look at me funny, even in my own home because i was forced to L.O.L. A LOT! O.M.F.G.!
;)
Amazing reader who you can tell is as into this book as anyone can be. She really plays out those characters fantastically.
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- Majick Robinson
- 03-12-24
All the love
Such a fun book and series. I didnt want it to end. Loved all the characters, but Abby was definitely my favorite read this book. It’s so good. I laughed out loud numerous times hooray Christopher Moore.
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- Ann Hankamer
- 04-08-10
I'd give it 6 stars if I could!
In the almost 20 years since I started "reading" with my ears I've listened to literally hundreds of books, and this is the 1st time I've been moved to write a review. Not only is this the best thing Moore's ever written (and I've heard or read and thoroughly enjoyed all of his books), it is probably the funniest thing I've ever listened to. The writing is crisp, inventive and hysterically clever, and the reader, Susan Bennett, is absolutely brilliant! While I thought all of her character voices were excellent, her rendition of Abbey Normal just about had me rolling on the floor time and again.
I really cannot say enough about how entertaining this audible book was for me. Don't miss it! If the combination of Mr. Moore's writing and Ms. Bennett's narration doesn't make you laugh out loud, you're deluding yourself about having a sense of humor.
I sincerely hope Christopher Moore isn't done with this cast of oddballs -- Abbey Normal is now one of my all time favorite literary characters and I would happily listen to any story that includes her distinctive and delightful point of view, especially if she's given voice by Ms. Bennett. Abbey rocks my stripey socks! So, enjoy, people. We could all use a good laugh!
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5 people found this helpful