But You're Still So Young

How Thirtysomethings Are Redefining Adulthood

By: Kayleen Schaefer

Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang

One of....
Vogue's “Best of 2021” - BuzzFeed's “Most Anticipated 2021” - The Week's “Must Reads in 2021” - PopSugar's "A Running List of the Best Books of 2021"

From the author of Text Me When You Get Home, the acclaimed celebration of friendship, comes a timely and essential look at what it means to be a 30something...and how it is more okay than ever to not have every box checked off.

The traditional “check list” of becoming an adult has existed for decades. Sociologists have long identified these markers of adulthood as: completing school, leaving home, establishing a career/becoming financially independent, getting married, and having children. But the signifiers of being in our thirties today are not the same - repeated economic upheaval, rising debt, decreasing marriage rates, fertility treatments, and a more open-minded society have all led to a shifting definition of adulthood.

But You’re Still So Young cleverly shows how thirtysomethings have rethought these five major life events. Schaefer describes her own journey through her 30s - including a nonlinear career path, financial struggles, romantic mistakes, and an unconventional path to parenthood - shares findings from data research, and conducts interviews nationwide. For each milestone, the book highlights men and women from various backgrounds, from around the country, and delves into their experiences navigating an ever-changing financial landscape and evolving societal expectations. The thirtysomethings in this book envisioned their thirties differently than how they are actually living them. He thought he would be done with his degree; she thought she’d be married; they thought they’d be famous comedians; and everyone thought they would have more money.

Schaefer uses her smart narrative framing and relatable voice to show how the 30s have changed from the cultural stereotypes around them, and how they are a radically different experience for Americans now than they were for any other generation. And as Schaefer and her sources show, not being able to do everything isn’t a sign of a life gone wrong. Being open to going sideways or upside down or backward means finding importance and value in many different ways of living.

©2021 Kayleen Schaefer (P)2021 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“In the 1950s, sociologists came up with a checklist for entering adulthood: finish school, leave home, make your own money, marry, and become a parent.... In her thoughtful and well-paced evaluation of 'adulthood', Schaefer explores the struggle today’s ascendant adults face in getting anywhere near these goals 'on time'.” (The New York Times Book Review)

“Schaefer mixes social science, psychology, original reporting, and personal anecdotes into a work of nonfiction that is as compact and refreshing as a soft-serve ice cream cone.... Clearheaded and full of heart, But You’re Still So Young offers a gentle indictment of a broken system and also a soothing message: Nobody’s got it all figured out." (Vogue, "The Best Books to Read in 2021")

“A sharp and empathetic investigation into what being in your thirties means today. Weaving together personal history, original reporting, and cultural analysis, Schaefer tackles five of the major milestones we’ve been told define adulthood - finishing school, leaving home, getting married, gaining financial independence, and having kids - and explores their modern significance, presenting a compelling argument that these achievements aren’t actually as meaningful as we’ve been led to believe. It’s a must-read for anyone who’s ever considered bucking tradition - or anyone who’d like to better understand why this isn’t a bad thing.” (Arianna Rebolini, BuzzFeed)

Started off Strong, than dwindled out.

I liked being assured that people nowadays feeling lost, incomplete, uncertain, etc about their place in life is normal. Using examples of people going through different struggles such as with their Career, Romantic Partners, and Living Situation was great! Unfortunately using multiple examples per topic of discussion sometimes felt convoluted/too much to understand as it would swap between person A's story to person B's story a bit often near the end.

It is still an interesting listen, especially for those that need assurance that it's okay to not feel "like your supposed to" by the time they're in their 30s.

not worth the time really

it was a struggle to finish. just stories of 30 somethings. not really engaging.

Not what I expected

Just turned 30 and in my 20s read The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (which I loved) so I was looking for more of an uplifting guide to lead my 30s. This is not that AT ALL. If you’re having a hard time achieving the life you wanted in your 30s this might be a validating read. If you’re in your early 30s this could be an ok read on what to avoid ...

Validating AF

Every page of this book validated my 35 years on this planet. A millennial must read.

Loved this book!

A must read for anyone trying to navigate life in the 21st century. Schaefer does an amazing job combining personal stories with the current thinking about how society and how social psychology is changing. I learned a ton and and it helped me see things about my own life differently, but it never felt dense or like a slog. It's a fun read!
Fortgang's narration is excellent.
I also loved Schaefer's other book "Text me when you get home" and if you like this would definitely recommend that (same narrator).