I Finally Bought Some Jordans
Essays
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I Finally Bought Some Jordans
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Narrated by:
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Michael Arceneaux
About this listen
"Very good writers have an ability to make you understand what they're feeling. But the very best writers have an ability to make you understand what you're feeling. And that's where Michael Arceneaux sits, and that's what he does in this new book. It's like he's crawling around inside your head opening file cabinets and telling you what the gibberish you've scribbled on each page in each file means. What a great, fun read."—Shea Serrano, #1 New York Times bestselling author
New York Times bestselling author Michael Arceneaux returns with a hilarious collection of essays about making your voice heard in an increasingly noisy and chaotic world.
In his books I Can't Date Jesus and I Don't Want to Die Poor, Michael Arceneaux established himself as one of the most beloved and entertaining writers of his generation, touching upon such hot-button topics as race, class, sexuality, labor, debt, and, of course, paying homage to the power and wisdom of Beyoncé. In this collection, Arceneaux takes stock of how far he has traveled—and how much ground he still has to cover in this patriarchal, heteronormative society. He explores the opportunities afforded to Black creatives but also the doors that remain shut or ever-so-slightly ajar; the confounding challenges of dating in a time when social media has made everything both more accessible and more unreliable; and the allure of returning home while still pushing yourself to seek opportunity elsewhere.
I Finally Bought Some Jordans is both a corrective to, and a balm for, these troubling times, revealing a sharply funny and keen-eyed storyteller working at the height of his craft.
©2023 Michael Arceneaux (P)2023 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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- A Short Story
- By: Fredrik Backman, Elizabeth DeNoma - translator
- Narrated by: Stacy Gonzalez
- Length: 1 hr and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 326
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 312
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Story4 out of 5 stars 312
Lucas knows the perfect night entails just three things: video games, wine, and pad thai. Peanuts are a must! Other people? Not so much. Why complicate things when he’s happy alone? Then one day the apartment board, a vexing trio of authority, rings his doorbell. And Lucas’s solitude takes a startling hike. They demand to see his frying pan. Someone left one next to the recycling room overnight, and instead of removing the errant object, as Lucas suggests, they insist on finding the guilty party. But their plan backfires. Colossally.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Narrator doesn’t get Backman’s satire or rhythm
- By joey1603 on 12-01-24
By: Fredrik Backman, and others
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The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,312
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,273
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,273
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
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5 out of 5 stars
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SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
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Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 215,372
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 194,842
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 193,873
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 19,018
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,999
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,974
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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4 out of 5 stars
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 411
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 404
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 404
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
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Little-known author Mark Twain once said that the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. He's talking about dreams here, the destiny that calls every living soul to some kind of greatness. What Mr. Twain doesn't say is: A dream is also a monster that wants to eat you. Nobody tells you this part of the American dream - until now. In this new memoir, Congratulations, Who Are You Again, listeners join Harrison Scott Key on his outrageous journey to becoming a great American writer.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Phenomenal
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 38
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2 out of 5 stars
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The narrator mis-pronounces everones name
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Jessica Stern is one of the world’s foremost experts on terrorism and post-traumatic stress disorder. She has interviewed some of the most feared terrorists in their own camps in Pakistan and Afghanistan. She has worked with the National Security Council and the FBI as an expert on what extreme trauma can do to a person. By her own admission, she feels no fear in these terrifying scenarios. On a fall night in Concord, a quiet Massachusetts suburb, in 1973, Jessica was 15. She and her sister were at doing their homework after ballet class when a serial rapist entered their bedroom.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Sean was a seventh-grade drop-out, a dishwasher then a construction worker to help his mother and sister scrape by, and a self-described "nobody with a sad story behind him." Yet he cannot deny the glimmers of life's goodness even amid its rough edges. Such goodness becomes even harder to deny when Sean meets the love of his life at a fried chicken church potluck, and harder still when his lifelong love of storytelling leads him to stages across the southeast, where he is known and loved as "Sean of the South."
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It Came from the Closet
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Horror movies hold a complicated space in the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. It Came from the Closet features twenty-five original essays by writers speaking to this relationship, through connections both empowering and oppressive. From Carmen Maria Machado on Jennifer’s Body, Jude Ellison S. Doyle on In My Skin, Addie Tsai on Dead Ringers, and many more, these conversations convey the rich reciprocity between queerness and horror.
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2 out of 5 stars
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This is not a book about queer horror
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Taking Shape
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Silver Shamrock. Thorn. White Horses. It’s all in here. Join authors Dustin McNeill and Travis Mullins for a deep dive into the evolution of Halloween’s vast mythology. Extensively researched, Taking Shape is the ultimate guide to the first 40 years of Haddonfield history. Featuring exclusive interviews with filmmakers from every installment, prepare to gain new insight into Halloween’s iconic boogeyman. Oh, you don’t believe in the boogeyman? You should.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Terrific book!
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I Don’t Want to Die Poor is an unforgettable and relatable examination about what it’s like leading a life that often feels out of your control. But in Michael’s voice that’s “as joyful as he is shrewd” (BuzzFeed), these razor-sharp essays will still manage to make you laugh and remind you that you’re not alone in this often intimidating journey.
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From Joya Goffney of Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry comes a stirring YA coming-of-age, best-friends-to-lovers romance about a girl named Nikki who plans to run away from small-town Texas but ultimately finds that her oldest friend, Mal, just might be the one who’s been there for her all along. Filled with heart and humor, this novel captures complex family drama, friendship, and love. For fans of I Wanna Be Where You Are by Kristina Forest and Counting Down with You by Tashie Bhuiyan.
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PURE PERFECTION!
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Be the Asshole!: 5,000 Tips
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Here's the tough truth gentlemen: Nice guys disgust women. Being a nice guy won't get you far with women because deep down they despise the nice guy. Instead of pedestalizing and supplicating to women, you have to realize that they are just like you. They are flawed creatures who are trying to survive in this world by any means necessary - figuring things out as they go along. The problem with being a nice guy is that you put everyone above yourself; then you're surprised why you get nowhere in life!
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16 hours of powerful alpha-male reprogramming!
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The Hollywood Con Queen
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Blending years of deep reporting with distinctive, powerful prose, Scott C. Johnson’s unique true crime narrative recounts the tale of the brilliantly cunning imposter who carved a path of financial and emotional destruction across the world. Gifted with a diabolical flair for impersonation, manipulation, and deception, the Con Queen used their skill with accents and deft psychological insight to sweep through the entertainment industry.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Amazingly intriguing
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Chasing the Panther
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 24
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 20
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 20
For a moment in the 1980s, Carolyn Pfeiffer was the only woman in Hollywood who could greenlight a movie. Working with directors like Sam Shepard and Wes Craven, and with actors like River Phoenix and Bette Davis, she had a hand in producing or distributing many landmark films, among them Ridley Scott's The Duellists, Alan Rudolph's Choose Me, and the Academy Award-winning Kiss of the Spider Woman. However, long before establishing herself as a player in the world of film, Carolyn was a horseback-riding tomboy who dreamed of exploring the world beyond her small hometown.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Captivating and well crafted
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Meet Me in the Bathroom
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In the second half of the 20th century New York was the source of new sounds, including the Greenwich Village folk scene, punk and new wave, and hip-hop. But as the end of the millennium neared, cutting-edge bands began emerging from Seattle, Austin, and London, pushing New York further from the epicenter. The behemoth music industry, too, found itself in free fall, under siege from technology. Then 9/11/2001 plunged the country into a state of uncertainty and war.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Deeply disappointing.
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Great Society
- A New History
- By: Amity Shlaes
- Narrated by: Terence Aselford
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- Unabridged
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 327
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 323
In Great Society, Shlaes offers a powerful companion to her legendary history of the 1930s, The Forgotten Man, and shows that in fact there was scant difference between two presidents we consider opposites: Johnson and Nixon. Just as technocratic military planning by "the Best and the Brightest" made failure in Vietnam inevitable, so planning by a team of the domestic best and brightest guaranteed fiasco at home. At once history and biography, Great Society sketches moving portraits of the characters in this transformative period.
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5 out of 5 stars
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How have we forgotten how bad these ideas were?
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The Watchdog
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- By: Steve Drummond
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 59
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 53
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Months before Pearl Harbor, Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that the United States was on the verge of entering another world war for which it was dangerously ill prepared. The urgent times demanded a transformation of the economy, with the government bankrolling the unfathomably expensive task of enlisting millions of citizens while also producing the equipment necessary to successfully fight—all of which opened up opportunities for graft, fraud and corruption.
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5 out of 5 stars
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When Harry First Gave-Em Hell
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By: Steve Drummond
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A Little Kissing Between Friends
- By: Chencia C. Higgins
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- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 41
Music producer on the rise Cyn Tha Starr knows what she likes, from her sickening beats in the studio to the flirty femmes she fools around with. Her ever-rotating roster has never been a problem until her latest fling clashes with Jucee, her best friend and the most popular dancer at strip club Sanity.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Amazing!
- By Alissa C. on 12-19-24
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The Fabulous Bouvier Sisters
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- By: Sam Kashner, Nancy Schoenberger
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- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 357
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 311
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 310
A poignant, evocative, and wonderfully gossipy account of the two sisters who represented style and class above all else - Jackie Kennedy Onassis and Lee Radziwill - from the authors of Furious Love. Drawing on the authors’ candid interviews with Lee Radziwill, The Fabulous Bouvier Sisters explores their complicated relationship, placing them at the center of 20th-century fashion, design, and style. This dual biography sheds light on the public and private lives of two extraordinary women who lived through immense tragedy in enormous glamour.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fascinating and Sad
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What listeners say about I Finally Bought Some Jordans
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- LJFS
- 03-19-24
Relatable Content
I knew I’d like this book after reading the authors previous two books, but I wasn’t prepared for how SEEN I would feel listening to these essays. You can literally hear the author’s experience, loss, and growth in this production. Highly recommend.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jada Thomas
- 04-22-24
Excellent and hilarious
Micheal never disappoints with the witty observations on life and the hilarious stories. Thank you for your vulnerability and strength.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dionne Jacob
- 08-24-24
From Nolabaeb
Honest and heart felt. I throughly enjoyed it and will encourage others to give it a listen or read.!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Hamm&Yams
- 04-07-24
I loved this book
I love your essays. I am a person who writes like I talk so to listen to this made me feel good. I especially loved the way you love your mom
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Hazel
- 04-21-24
Another amazing project by Michael
I love his book and essays! He pulls you in with each chapter. Great read and listen. This is the third book I’ve listened to by him.
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