Marriage Be Hard

12 Conversations to Keep You Laughing, Loving, and Learning with Your Partner

By: Kevin Fredericks, Melissa Fredericks

Narrated by: Kevin Fredericks, Melissa Fredericks

Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins

Publisher's summary

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Discover the keys to upholding your vows while staying sane in this hilariously candid guide to relationships, from the husband-and-wife team of comedian Kevin Fredericks and influencer Melissa Fredericks

FINALIST FOR THE NAACP IMAGE AWARD • “Kev and Melissa are not afraid to tell the truth!”—Tabitha Brown, New York Times bestselling author of Feeding the Soul

Growing up, Kevin and Melissa Fredericks were taught endless rules around dating, sex, and marriage, but not a lot about what actually makes a relationship work. When they first got married, they felt alone—like every other couple had perfect chemistry while the two of them struggled. There were conversations that they didn’t know they needed to have, fears that affected how they related to each other, and seasons of change that put their marriage to the test.

Part of their story comes across like a Christian fairytale: high school sweethearts, married in college, never sowed any wild oats, with two sons and a thriving marriage. But there’s another side of their story: the night Melissa kicked Kevin out of her car after years of communication problems, the time early in their marriage when Kevin bordered on an emotional affair, the way they’ve used social media and podcasts to conduct a no-holds-barred conversation about forbidden topics like jealousy, divorce, and how to be Christian and sex positive. (Because, as Kevin writes, “Your hormones don’t care about your religious beliefs. Your hormones want you to subscribe to OnlyFans.”)

In Marriage Be Hard, the authors provide a hilarious and fresh master class on what it takes to build and maintain a lasting relationship. Drawing on interviews with experts and nearly two decades of marriage, they argue that

• Compatibility is overrated.

• Communication is about way more than simply talking.

• Seeing divorce as an option can actually help your marriage.

• There’s such a thing as healthy jealousy.

Real marriage is not automatic. It ain’t no Tesla on the open road. Sometimes it’s a stick shift on a hill in the rain with no windshield wipers. But if you get comfortable visiting—and revisiting—the topics that matter, it can transform your bond with your partner and the life you’re building together.

Written for those tired of unrealistic relationship books—and for anyone wondering if they’re the only ones breaking all the rules—Marriage Be Hard is a breath of fresh air and the manual you wish existed after you said “I do.”

©2022 Kevin Fredericks, Melissa Fredericks (P)2022 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“Honey, listen, I’ve been married for nineteen years, and the title of the book lets me know that Kev and Melissa are not afraid to tell the truth! They had me at chapter 1, ‘Expectations Be Hard.’ Baby, this book ain’t hard to love!”—Tabitha Brown, actress, vegan foodie, and New York Times bestselling author of Feeding the Soul

“While Kev and Melissa show us how hard marriage can be, they also show us how beautiful it can be if you’re willing to be vulnerable and really do the work. This is essential reading for anyone married or for anyone remotely considering marriage.”—Tommy and Codie Oliver, creators of Black Love, Inc.

“Marriage Be Hard is a relatable, honest take on life, love, and relationships. In their typical style, Kev and Melissa are authentic and engaging, playful and downright hilarious. They humbly offer readers real talk that both models healthy relational skills and vulnerably pulls the curtain back on some of the most common marital concerns. As a relationship counselor, I’d recommend the book to any couple wanting a fun, structured way (with awesome prompts!) to approach some deep, growth-promoting conversations.”—Morgan Johnson, MA, LPC, relationship counselor and trust recovery specialist

I'm not even finished listening and...

I'm already waiting for them to make the Marriage Be Hard movie with them as the actors and this awesome apropos picture cover as the movie poster!!! Inshallah I'm getting married in a few months and this is a real treat!

update: Finished this was a great book real, raw, authentic. Inshallah I'll be married in a few months and this was good brain and heart food to digest before the nuptials. I definitely see this being a movie though!

The transparency was felt ❤️

Every time Melissa choked up, so did I! She is me! I have never been married, and haven’t dated in years until now. I see my flaws and shortcomings in Melissa. I’m learning how to communicate and be authentically me with the man I am dating. It’s so hard yet so freeing! Thank you both for your experiences and advice!

This was good!

Kev and Melissa tell the raw and relatable truth! I’m going to grab a hard copy. As someone whose in their 7th year of marriage with a young family, this was confirmation that marriages are perfectly imperfect and take HARD work. I’m keeping an eye out for the next one!

I've never finished a book in one day until now!

As a single women this book has so many nuggets that I will consider and implement when I do get married. Great book!!

A Lecture on Love; A Manual on Marriage

Kevin and Melissa did a brilliant job of vulnerably, openly, and transparently discussing all the highs and lows that come from long-term partnership.

For anyone wanting insight on what it takes to weather the perfect storm of love and all that comes with it, this book is like a manual.

Each chapter ends perfectly with questions of reflection for both partners to ask and discuss together.

So this is not only anecdotal, it’s practical too. I’m sure I’ll be reading this a couple more times as my partnership progresses. 5-stars all around! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Excellent book on marriage!

I loved their honesty and transparency. This book has helped me to start having great conversations with my hubby! Thank you! God bless y’all!

vulnerable and encouraging

I enjoyed every minute of this couple sharing their story. This is truly such an incredible book, full of encouragement and wisdom.

Finally Someone Gets It!

I really really relate to this couple on a personal level, regarding background and religion. I am still undoing strict religious teachings on Shame, Restraint, and Sexuality. In addition, the book caused my husband and I to have 2 big fights, but I was able to express myself in a way I've been holding in through 9mths of pregnancy. I will learn to fight fair!! I think I'll listen to this book once each month, like medicine.

Helpful wisdom and tips for singles too!

This is a wonderful top layer to the Love Hour Podcast that I’ve missed so much. As a single woman, I’ve grown immensely with how I show up for myself as well as with other relationships with friends and co-workers because of the gems they’ve shared on the podcast. Job well done!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! These are nuggets for life whether you are married or not. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and might I add, I can’t wait for their next book. I finished this one in two days.

Ah-may-ZING!!!

Loved this book! 1000% recommended and that's coming from someone who's been in this marriage game for 23 years! Still learned a great deal!