-
Mooses with Bazookas
- And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
- Narrated by: S. D. Smith, Rob Riggle, Joel Clarkson, Sarah Mackenzie, Gina Smith, Andy Harvey
- Length: 2 hrs and 23 mins
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Mooses with Bazookas
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Publisher's summary
Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that listening to it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.
“FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”
—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose
“ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”
—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.
“S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”
—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”
—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith” and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
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The kingdom of Cornucopia was once the happiest in the world. It had plenty of gold, a king with the finest moustache you could possibly imagine, and butchers, bakers, and cheesemongers whose exquisite foods made a person dance with delight when they ate them. Everything was perfect - except for the misty Marshlands to the north, which, according to legend, were home to the monstrous Ickabog. Anyone sensible knew that the Ickabog was just a myth to scare children into behaving. But the funny thing about myths is that sometimes they take on a life of their own.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Oh, dear...
- By ili pika on 11-11-20
By: J.K. Rowling
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Disney Frozen: Olaf's Quest
- By: Disney Press, Suzanne Francis
- Narrated by: Jake Green, Matt Lowe, Abby Trott, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 22 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 221
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 211
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 211
Olaf, Arendelle’s adorable snowman, loves to read. One day, an unexpected message leads Olaf and his friends Anna, Kristoff, and Sven on a quest for a place known as Haus Biblio, described as a “sea of stories”. This Audible Original spans the group’s journey to Haus Biblio as they cross over mountains, search for monsters under bridges, and have conversations with friendly sheep. During his travels, Olaf makes new friends and hears lots of exciting stories along the way.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Stories of all sorts within a story!
- By Just Duckie on 09-21-24
By: Disney Press, and others
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The Secret Garden
- By: Frances Hodgson Burnett
- Narrated by: Carrie Hope Fletcher
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 7,900
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 7,127
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Story5 out of 5 stars 7,091
Mary Lennox starts her life as an unhappy victim of circumstance. After the loss of her parents, she moves to rural Yorkshire to live with a distant uncle where she resents the wildness of the countryside. At first, she struggles to find a place in this new existence. Although unsure about her surroundings and its occupants, through the gentle guidance of the maid she gradually becomes interested in the story of Mrs Craven, who apparently used to spend her time in a garden at the house, the key to which has vanished.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fabulous
- By Lady Lightning on 05-19-20
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Disney Princess: Belle and the Rose Riddle
- By: Disney Press, Juliana Schiavo
- Narrated by: Jeff Bennett, Piotr Michael, Julie Nathanson, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 36 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 43
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 36
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 36
Belle lives in a beautiful castle with a Beast and Enchanted Objects that have come to life. But that isn’t the strangest thing about the castle. Rose petals and leaves have begun to mysteriously appear in random places, leading Belle and her companions Cogsworth the clock and Lumiere the candelabra on a hunt for an intruder.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great mystery!
- By Angela on 10-17-24
By: Disney Press, and others
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Disney Pixar Cars: The Legend of the Crystal Hubcap
- By: Disney Press, Steve Behling
- Narrated by: Larry the Cable Guy, Keith Ferguson, full cast
- Length: 1 hr and 3 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 101
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 96
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 96
Kachow! Best friends Lightning McQueen and Mater are on the road to attend Mater’s sister’s wedding allll the way across the country when they accidentally find themselves at the legendary Cave of the Crystal Hubcap. See, legend has it, whoever gazes into this hubcap becomes the luckiest racer in the world! Mater thinks the hubcap would make the perfect wedding gift and heads into the cave in search of it. Since friends don’t let friends go into caves alone, Lightning joins him. While inside, they meet a new friend and help her out of a jam.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The CARS gang enjoy an adventure.
- By Marian K. Anderson-Danner on 09-23-24
By: Disney Press, and others
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The Prince of Yorsha Doon tells the story of Safiki—already beloved by thousands of Wingfeather fans—as he emerges from his life of solitary freedom and becomes an accidental hero. Life on the streets of the bustling and mysterious city of Yorsha Doon can be hard, but Safiki loves being independent, free from the complications of personal relationships. But when he bumps into a very strange stranger who's being far too conspicuous with the valuable book he's carrying, Safiki finds himself at the center of a noble but foolhardy rescue.
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After an experience he’d rather forget, Vincent is determined to be done with art. So when he and his little sister, Lili, spend spring break with their art conservator great-uncle, Vincent’s plan is to stay glued to his phone. That is, until Lili disappears into one of the world’s most famous paintings and Vincent learns his parents have been hiding something from him: Their family is the last of The Restorationists, a secret society with the power to travel through paintings—and a duty to protect them from evil forces.
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A mighty empire…a lowly slave…a galaxy to save. Will a hero rise? Nova chronicles the early years of the Aurora Galaxy after the great war between two immortal races known as the Malakians and the Torians. The despot, Zari Treville, is leading the Torians on a campaign to rule the galaxy, but Supreme Chancellor Ell Yon, leader of the Malakians, stands in his way. Both races wield technology far beyond anything the human race has ever seen.
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Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes is the utterly beguiling tale of a ten-year-old blind orphan who has been forced into a life of crime. One fateful afternoon, Peter steals a mysterious box that contains three magical pairs of eyes. When he tries the first pair, he is instantly transported to a hidden island where he is presented with a special quest: to travel beyond the known world and rescue a lost kingdom from its treacherous ruler....
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4 out of 5 stars
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Enjoyable listen but not for the youngest kids
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The Mysterious Benedict Society
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"Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities?" Dozens of children respond to this peculiar ad in the newspaper and are then put through a series of mind-bending tests, which readers take along with them. Only four children—two boys and two girls—succeed. Their challenge: to go on a secret mission that only the most intelligent and inventive children could complete. To accomplish it they will have to go undercover at the Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened, where the only rule is that there are no rules.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great Mystery for kids or students
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Wingfeather Tales
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Immerse yourself in a land of bomnubbles and quarreling cousins, sea dragons and book publishers, thieves and Fangs and secret maps. Inside this book lie seven stories of the distant past, lost adventures, forgotten songs, and heartbreaking histories. The Shining Isle is restored, but Aerwiar is vast - and these authors have tales yet to tell.
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5 out of 5 stars
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I really loved this! ❤️❤️❤️
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This book is in many ways a memoir, but it’s also an attempt to wake up the listener to the glory of God shining through his creation. One of the first commands to Adam and Eve was to “work and keep” the garden. Award-winning author and songwriter Andrew Peterson, being as honest as possible, shares a story of childhood, grief, redemption, and peace by walking through a forest of memories
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Almost too good
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Astrid the Unstoppable
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Speed and self-confidence, that’s Astrid’s motto. Nicknamed “the little thunderbolt,” she loves to spend her days racing down the hillside on her sled, singing loudly as she goes, and visiting Gunnvald, her grumpy, septuagenarian best friend and godfather, who makes hot chocolate from real chocolate bars. She just wishes there were other children to share her hair-raising adventures with. But Astrid’s world is about to be turned upside down by two startling arrivals to the village of Glimmerdal: first a new family, then a mysterious, towering woman who everyone seems to know.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Language warning
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On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness
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Janner Igiby, his brother, Tink, and their disabled sister, Leeli, are gifted children as all children are, loved well by a noble mother and ex-pirate grandfather. But they will need all their gifts and all that they love to survive the evil pursuit of the venomous Fangs of Dang, who have crossed the dark sea to rule the land with malice. The Igibys hold the secret to the lost legend and jewels of good King Wingfeather of the Shining Isle of Anniera.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fun fact in review. Excellent book. Sweet yet suspenseful.
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By: Andrew Peterson
What listeners say about Mooses with Bazookas
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kristen
- 02-27-24
Kids say "It's Hilarious!"
My kids loved Wally Warmbottom and his hilarious letters and play on words. Mooses in Bazookas was silly, funny, and overall entertaining. The only story we didn't care for was the one about the dog and the rocket, because the kids didn't get it, and wished that it was read differently.
Otherwise, the performance was just awesome!!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kathryn E.
- 10-08-24
I'm pretty confident that I like it
5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐s my family and me laugh so hard when
this play5⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ p.s southy is my favorite part in the book
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Meg
- 06-01-24
Awesome!
S.D. Smith has done it again!! It is fabulously funny and I love it!! I was hoping for the next Jack Zulu book to come out next but this one is just as good!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Susan M.
- 06-27-24
Everything was so funny! When we read this, I could not stop laughing!
Infinite stars! S. D. Is so funny and I love how interactive he is with his readers.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Sarah H
- 03-09-24
So much fun
Five stars! One for every kid who laughed the whole time.
I am going to put this in my memoirs.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kailan Boland
- 05-24-24
Silly. That’s all I can say
I could (and have) listened to this over and over again. I wish I could leave 92545519045291540154901549015401063015945294529469163926 stars.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story4 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 10-24-24
this is a funny book.
Moses with bazooka was my favorite. rocket and Elsie and Rocket on the other hand...
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- J Hill
- 03-21-24
I like bazookas so i tried this book out and i got hooked.
Why should you not read it? Because it has guns and bazookas says Wally Warmbottom, but i disagree,all children should read this book (or books). But you should know something. IT IS SUPER SILLY. I love this book 5 stars. Plus 500 more
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Luke Murphy
- 02-23-24
How funny this was to my kids and myself
Thank you so much for writing this. We I've been able to gather around this book and laugh. My 6 and 7 year old giggle at the quote "Of course you don't care because all you care about is essential oils" 😆
We will be enjoying this book for years to come
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Hannah
- 10-14-24
Our whole family loved it!!
Entertaining & hilarious. Tons of fun to listen to on a road trip. Parents, teens and littles enjoyed this book. So clever. Well done!!!
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