Mooses with Bazookas
And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
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Narrated by:
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S. D. Smith
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Rob Riggle
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Joel Clarkson
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Sarah Mackenzie
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Gina Smith
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Andy Harvey
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By:
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S. D. Smith
About this listen
Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that listening to it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.
“FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”
—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose
“ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”
—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.
“S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”
—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”
—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith” and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
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-
Story
Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key is an enchanting adventure in the tradition of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Spielberg and Lucas. But this fantastical journey launches in rural West Virginia in the '80s, with a half-Appalachian, half-African kid trying to escape the town he sees defining his small, sad life. Jack discovers a gate hiding a city between 12 realms and finds out where he truly belongs in a surprising, satisfying adventure.
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Another epic tale for a great author!!
- By Shell27 on 01-26-23
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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Jack Zulu and the Girl with Golden Wings
- The Jack Zulu Series, Book 2
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Jack Zulu explores a new realm in this fantastic adventure that stretches beyond Earth and into a world on the edge of destruction. Jack must search for answers about his fallen father’s story and risk everything to save the cause at the lost city of gold.
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Even when they think it’s impossible they never give up🥹
- By Abbey on 10-03-24
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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The Dragon and the Stone (The Dream Keeper Saga Book 1)
- The Dream Keeper Saga
- By: Kathryn Butler
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Even though she's only 12 years old, Lily McKinley already feels the weight of the world's brokenness. She's seen it in her mother's exhaustion, her grandmother's illness, and the cruelty of Adam, the bully at her school. But most tragically, she experienced it two months ago when her father died in a terrible accident. As an artistic daydreamer, Lily has a brilliant imagination to help her cope, but that imagination often gets her into trouble. One day, it transports her to a fantasy world called the Somnium Realm, where her father's secret history embroils her in an epic quest.
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A definite re-read!
- By Liz on 12-22-24
By: Kathryn Butler
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The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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Performance
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12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
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The Black Star of Kingston
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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A century before Heather and Picket's adventures in The Green Ember, a displaced community fights for hope on the ragged edge of survival. Whitson Mariner and Fleck Blackstar face old fears and new enemies, forging a legend that will echo through the ages.
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An Enchanting Tale
- By BookWorm on 02-28-16
By: S. D. Smith
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The Found Boys
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Andy Harvey
- Length: 1 hr and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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The mission was supposed to be fun—even funny—but things got serious quick. What follows is a daring journey with narrow escapes, attack dogs, deadly fires, and a friendship forged in shared peril. Three friends embark on an intrepid quest to retrieve a priceless treasure guarded by a menacing villain. But this is no fantasy. For Scott and his friends Tommy and Dooley, the danger is all too real. Unlikely heroes will emerge. Enemies will become allies. Powerful truths will be revealed.
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Heart warming story about reconciliation and forgiveness
- By River Song on 11-09-24
By: S. D. Smith
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key is an enchanting adventure in the tradition of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Spielberg and Lucas. But this fantastical journey launches in rural West Virginia in the '80s, with a half-Appalachian, half-African kid trying to escape the town he sees defining his small, sad life. Jack discovers a gate hiding a city between 12 realms and finds out where he truly belongs in a surprising, satisfying adventure.
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Another epic tale for a great author!!
- By Shell27 on 01-26-23
By: S. D. Smith, and others
-
Jack Zulu and the Girl with Golden Wings
- The Jack Zulu Series, Book 2
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jack Zulu explores a new realm in this fantastic adventure that stretches beyond Earth and into a world on the edge of destruction. Jack must search for answers about his fallen father’s story and risk everything to save the cause at the lost city of gold.
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Even when they think it’s impossible they never give up🥹
- By Abbey on 10-03-24
By: S. D. Smith, and others
-
The Dragon and the Stone (The Dream Keeper Saga Book 1)
- The Dream Keeper Saga
- By: Kathryn Butler
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Even though she's only 12 years old, Lily McKinley already feels the weight of the world's brokenness. She's seen it in her mother's exhaustion, her grandmother's illness, and the cruelty of Adam, the bully at her school. But most tragically, she experienced it two months ago when her father died in a terrible accident. As an artistic daydreamer, Lily has a brilliant imagination to help her cope, but that imagination often gets her into trouble. One day, it transports her to a fantasy world called the Somnium Realm, where her father's secret history embroils her in an epic quest.
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A definite re-read!
- By Liz on 12-22-24
By: Kathryn Butler
-
The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
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The Black Star of Kingston
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
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Performance
-
Story
A century before Heather and Picket's adventures in The Green Ember, a displaced community fights for hope on the ragged edge of survival. Whitson Mariner and Fleck Blackstar face old fears and new enemies, forging a legend that will echo through the ages.
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An Enchanting Tale
- By BookWorm on 02-28-16
By: S. D. Smith
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The Lost Key
- Green Ember: Lost Tales, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: S. D. Smith
- Length: 2 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Picket, Heather, Jo, and your favorite Green Ember heroes are back for a thrilling new adventure. In the days after their arrival at Halfwind Citadel, the friends are caught up in a desperate fight for the cause when an internal conspiracy threatens to unravel the growing strength of rabbitkind’s resistance.
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Not quite up to the other book’s standards.
- By M G S on 01-13-25
By: S. D. Smith
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The Last Archer
- Green Ember Archer, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 1 hr and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Jo is a gifted archer with a burden on his back and a fire within. Eager to see the Longtreaders receive justice, he travels from his Halfwind Citadel home to a Cloud Mountain poised on the brink of war. What he finds there will confront his convictions and test his resolve as the war begins and King Jupiter's heir is revealed. A kingdom in the balance. An arrow aimed at the heart of darkness. Who will take the shot?
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“That was a great story.”
- By CW on 12-22-17
By: S. D. Smith
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The Green Ember
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Joel Clarkson
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Heather and Picket are extraordinary rabbits with ordinary lives until calamitous events overtake them, spilling them into a cauldron of misadventures. They discover that their own story is bound up in the tumult threatening to overwhelm the wider world.
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Not Just for The Elementary Age Group
- By Chelle on 08-27-15
By: S. D. Smith
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Beneath the Swirling Sky
- The Restorationists
- By: Carolyn Leiloglou
- Narrated by: Michael Crouch
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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After an experience he’d rather forget, Vincent is determined to be done with art. So when he and his little sister, Lili, spend spring break with their art conservator great-uncle, Vincent’s plan is to stay glued to his phone. That is, until Lili disappears into one of the world’s most famous paintings and Vincent learns his parents have been hiding something from him: Their family is the last of The Restorationists, a secret society with the power to travel through paintings—and a duty to protect them from evil forces.
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Excellent middle grade novel
- By Gabe Moothart on 09-13-23
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Adventures with Waffles
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator, Kate Forrester - illustrator
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.
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very fun!
- By AnotherCustomer on 06-28-20
By: Maria Parr, and others
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The Luminous Life of Lucy Landry
- By: Anna Rose Johnson
- Narrated by: Elise Randall Modica
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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The Martin family is big, hard-working, and close, and Lucy—who has always been a dreamer—struggles to fit in. Can she go one day without ruining the laundry or forgetting the sweeping? Will she ever be less afraid of the lake? Although life at the lighthouse isn’t what Lucy hoped for, it is beautiful—ships come and go, waves pound the rocks—and it has one major advantage: it’s near the site of a famous shipwreck, a shipwreck that went down with a treasure her father wanted more than anything.
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Lovely Literary Listen
- By Anonymous User on 05-04-24
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Sweep
- The Story of a Girl and Her Monster
- By: Jonathan Auxier
- Narrated by: Sarah Coomes
- Length: 8 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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For nearly a century, Victorian London relied on “climbing boys” - orphans owned by chimney sweeps - to clean flues and protect homes from fire. The work was hard, thankless, and brutally dangerous. Eleven-year-old Nan Sparrow is quite possibly the best climber who ever lived - and a girl. But when Nan gets stuck in a deadly chimney fire, she fears her time has come. Instead, she wakes to find herself in an abandoned attic. And she is not alone. Huddled in the corner is a mysterious creature - a golem - made from ash and coal. This is the creature that saved her from the fire.
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Thank you.
- By Tim Smith on 01-20-19
By: Jonathan Auxier
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Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes
- By: Jonathan Auxier
- Narrated by: Michael Page
- Length: 9 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes is the utterly beguiling tale of a ten-year-old blind orphan who has been forced into a life of crime. One fateful afternoon, Peter steals a mysterious box that contains three magical pairs of eyes. When he tries the first pair, he is instantly transported to a hidden island where he is presented with a special quest: to travel beyond the known world and rescue a lost kingdom from its treacherous ruler....
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Enjoyable listen but not for the youngest kids
- By Marie on 12-10-15
By: Jonathan Auxier
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A True Home
- Heartwood Hotel, Book 1
- By: Kallie George
- Narrated by: Amy Melissa Bentley
- Length: 2 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
When Mona the Mouse stumbles across the wondrous world of the Heartwood Hotel in the middle of a storm, she desperately hopes they'll let her stay. As it turns out, Mona is precisely the maid they need at the grandest hotel in Fernwood Forest, where animals come from far and wide for safety, luxury, and comfort. But the Heartwood Hotel is not all acorn souffles and soft moss-lined beds. Danger lurks, and as it approaches, Mona finds that this hotel is more than a warm place to spend the night. It might also be a home.
By: Kallie George
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Tuesdays at the Castle
- Castle Glower, Book 1
- By: Jessica Day George
- Narrated by: Grace Andrews
- Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Tuesdays at Castle Glower are Princess Celie's favorite days. That's because on Tuesdays, the castle adds a new room, a turret, or sometimes even an entire wing. No one ever knows what the castle will do next, and no one - other than Celie, that is - takes the time to map out the new additions. But when King and Queen Glower are ambushed and their fate is unknown, it's up to Celie, with her secret knowledge of the castle's never-ending twists and turns, to protect their home and save their kingdom.
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Love the castle
- By Joella Berkner on 11-02-24
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Astrid the Unstoppable
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator
- Narrated by: Devon Sorvari
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Speed and self-confidence, that’s Astrid’s motto. Nicknamed “the little thunderbolt,” she loves to spend her days racing down the hillside on her sled, singing loudly as she goes, and visiting Gunnvald, her grumpy, septuagenarian best friend and godfather, who makes hot chocolate from real chocolate bars. She just wishes there were other children to share her hair-raising adventures with. But Astrid’s world is about to be turned upside down by two startling arrivals to the village of Glimmerdal: first a new family, then a mysterious, towering woman who everyone seems to know.
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Language warning
- By Kendra F. on 02-17-22
By: Maria Parr, and others
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Swallows and Amazons
- By: Arthur Ransome
- Narrated by: Alison Larkin
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Swallows and Amazons, the book that started it all in 1930, introduces the Walker family, the camp on Wild Cat Island, the able-bodied catboat "Swallow," and the two intrepid Amazons, plucky Nancy and Peggy Blackett.
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Idyllic, Funny, Vivid Childhood Adventure-Play
- By Jefferson on 02-05-11
By: Arthur Ransome
What listeners say about Mooses with Bazookas
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kathryn E.
- 10-08-24
I'm pretty confident that I like it
5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐s my family and me laugh so hard when
this play5⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ p.s southy is my favorite part in the book
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- Meg
- 06-01-24
Awesome!
S.D. Smith has done it again!! It is fabulously funny and I love it!! I was hoping for the next Jack Zulu book to come out next but this one is just as good!
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- Sarah H
- 03-09-24
So much fun
Five stars! One for every kid who laughed the whole time.
I am going to put this in my memoirs.
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- Kristen
- 02-27-24
Kids say "It's Hilarious!"
My kids loved Wally Warmbottom and his hilarious letters and play on words. Mooses in Bazookas was silly, funny, and overall entertaining. The only story we didn't care for was the one about the dog and the rocket, because the kids didn't get it, and wished that it was read differently.
Otherwise, the performance was just awesome!!
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- Kailan Boland
- 05-24-24
Silly. That’s all I can say
I could (and have) listened to this over and over again. I wish I could leave 92545519045291540154901549015401063015945294529469163926 stars.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-24-24
this is a funny book.
Moses with bazooka was my favorite. rocket and Elsie and Rocket on the other hand...
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- J Hill
- 03-21-24
I like bazookas so i tried this book out and i got hooked.
Why should you not read it? Because it has guns and bazookas says Wally Warmbottom, but i disagree,all children should read this book (or books). But you should know something. IT IS SUPER SILLY. I love this book 5 stars. Plus 500 more
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1 person found this helpful
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- Susan M.
- 06-27-24
Everything was so funny! When we read this, I could not stop laughing!
Infinite stars! S. D. Is so funny and I love how interactive he is with his readers.
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- Amazon Customer
- 01-12-25
Walle wam doterm
I love the way the book was filled with more books and how much of it is funny
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- Luke Murphy
- 02-23-24
How funny this was to my kids and myself
Thank you so much for writing this. We I've been able to gather around this book and laugh. My 6 and 7 year old giggle at the quote "Of course you don't care because all you care about is essential oils" 😆
We will be enjoying this book for years to come
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2 people found this helpful