Don't Let Your Kids Kill You

A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children

By: Charles Rubin

Narrated by: Tom Zingarelli

When kids turn to substance abuse, parents also become victims as they watch their children transform into irrational and antisocial individuals. This harrowing scenario finds parents buckling beneath the stress, often with catastrophic consequences: divorce, career upsets, breakdowns, and worse.

Don't Let Your Kids Kill You is a landmark work that dares to focus on the plight of the confused, distressed parent and not the erring child. It sets aside any preconceived ideas that parents are to blame for what is essentially a full-blown global crisis. Drawing on interviews with parents who have survived the heartbreak of kids on drugs, combined with his own experience, Charles Rubin provides practical advice on how parents can help themselves and their families by first attending to their own needs.

©2016 Charles Rubin (P)2016 Tantor

Critic reviews

"Offers parents the means to attain a healthy balance in their lives despite their children's choices." ( Publishers Weekly)

adult child of addiction

this book was very helpful with dealing with the disease of addiction helping me set some boundaries and taking care of me and how to help my child I do suggest that you read this book because I can identify with so much it would like he was telling my story overall great book

So relatable highly recommended

My therapist recommended this book to
me and I’m glad she did. As a parent of an addict the stories and feelings were so relatable in this book. I found myself
checking the boxes to those same emotions. As some one who has detached and set boundaries for my addicted son, I always found myself questioning if I’m doing the right thing. This book confirmed my husband and I
are. The recovery process will take time. To continue to work on me as that will be the best for all and that all I can do.
Thank you for writing your story. We are not alone.

MUST READ!

If your child has a drug problem this book can save your sanity. Read it!

Necessary

This was such a personal eye-opener. Everyone, whether having a child on drugs or working with addicts will benefit from this book. I am deeply encouraged. I would like to see an updated version, especially with the rise of the internet, the pandemic and the fentanyl crisis.

this book is awesome.

great book about addiction and how it affects parents of addicts. absolutely should be read or listened to by anyone who loves an sddict

Excellent

So good! I have listened to multiple times. A keeper!Thank You! A handbook for life!

Your kids may not recover, but you can

This book starts off stating that it’s the only book out there that focuses solely at the parents, and not the erring child. I didn’t understand that at first, because there are several books out there that offer guidance to family members on how to get their loved ones clean. I was missing the point. This book is NOT about how to get your child clean. The author is realistic about this harrowing fact: your child may never recover. This is devastating, but the point is that whether or not your child gets better, the parents can. The parents can have their life back.

My daughter has been addicted to drugs for five years now. She has been to rehab about ten times, she has worked the steps, and she has relapsed over and over. Recently, after a period of sobriety, she told me flat out, “I don’t want to be sober.” This never occurred to me; I always thought she wanted it. My daughter might never get better. But I desperately want to, and this book gives me some ideas about how to get started on my own recovery.

It is a quick read, and written by a parent who gets it. I highly recommend it.

Highly Recommended

For any family dealing with the devastating effects of addicted children, this is a game changer. This is the most helpful book I have ever read..thank you

The Best Book on Addiction I've Been Through

What did you love best about Don't Let Your Kids Kill You?

Very useful information! I've been through about 20 books on addiction to help a family member. This, and Love First by Jeff Jay are the most useful/practical! This book doesn't get too much on the nuts and bolts of addiction (there are tons of books for that). Just useful information!

What other book might you compare Don't Let Your Kids Kill You to and why?

None...although I also highly recommend Love First by Jeff Jay! Also check out the Love First website and go through all the YouTube videos on it!

What did you learn from Don't Let Your Kids Kill You that you would use in your daily life?

I'm not alone in this problem. I shouldn't have to attack this problem, alone, since millions of other people have gone through it! Also, my family member is no different from any other addict! He is not a special case, and the behaviors of addicts is predictable!

Any additional comments?

Sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck! The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself!

Get educated about doing an intervention and try that out! You can get educated about the intervention process by going through the Love First audio book, and through all the videos and resources on the website! You can hire professional interventionist to assist you, too- just look online or ask a respectable rehab! You can probably bargain the interventionist's first price lower.

Go through this audio book and Love First several times!

More important than doing an intervention is following through on the "Bottom Lines" and stopping the Enabling behaviors!

-Don't give the addict money
-Don't provide a car
-Don't provide a free place to stay
-Don't provide a job at your business
-Don't make the minimum payment for the addict's credit cards

Do set healthy boundaries! Do continue paying the addict's health insurance (since many rehabs accept health insurance now)

The process of kicking a loved one out of the house causes a lot of anxiety for parents and the entire family! I highly recommend attending meetings such as Al-Anon, Parents Anonymous, or CoDependents Anonymous at least until your loved one accepts treatment, and completes at least 3 months of treatment. Also check with a MFT counselor that specializes in addiction and take care of yourself!

It takes an average of 4 stints in rehab until a person stays sober for life! Every time they go to rehab they will learn something new! Try again even though they relapsed the last time! It may take a few times!

Some rehabs are shady, and there is no official monitoring organization. Send your loved one to a reputable rehab with a good reputation. Ideally, the rehab should be at least a couple hours drive from home so he/she can not run away from the rehab and meet his/her addicted friends. The Hazelden chain of rehabs is good, and insurance covers most of the treatment. Many rehabs have 'sliding scales' so ask. If some one with a low income pays for the rehab, the cost might be lowered.

If the addiction is really bad, send the addict to treatment for a minimum of 90 days, and 1 year in a sober living home after the rehab. If they stay sober for 1 year, they have a 50% chance of never using again. If they stay sober for 2 years, they have a 70% chance of not relapsing!

If they are extremely dangerous to harming themselves, and other people, and are not able to take care of themselves, you can call 911 and do a psyche hold (although this may really tarnish your relationship). You can also call 911 when they are driving and are endangering other people. A judge ora psyche hold may mandate rehab.

I wish you the best of luck. Take care and God bless you!

This book spoke to me. Made ne not feel so alone.

this book really spoke to be. it made me. Feel so alone. unfortunately in my daughter's case addiction won . I wish I would have had this book available to me 20 years ago. by the time my daughter passed at age 37 from mental illness and drug addiction my emotional and financial life or a complete ruin. I can't stress enough that when your child is on drugs they have disappeared. we went so hard for our words of wisdom to bake a two friends but they surely could just fall on deaf ears and are usually used against us. is a twisted nightmare that only those who have traffic this path can understand. It is possible to save yourself. thank you for this book