
The Cheap Handyman
True (and Disastrous) Tales from a [Home Improvement Expert] Guy Who Should Know Better
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $14.24
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Edward Bauer
-
By:
-
B.S. Harris
About this listen
This Old House meets #HomeImprovementFails in this collection of laugh-out-loud essays, perfect for fans of Nick Offerman, CarTalk, or The Red Green Show.
"This book is all the fix-it you need for your hurt home improvement ego." (Harrison Scott Key, Thurber Prize-winning author of The World's Largest Man)
Meet Brian Harris, a (mostly) retired, self-proclaimed jack of all trades with a penchant for DIY and inventive money-saving schemes. Armed with a soldering gun, his trusty nine-foot ladder, and of course the handyman’s secret weapon - duct tape - Brian’s projects start out as simple chores: trim a tree branch, stain the cedar siding on his home...but all too often they end in costly disaster.
Sometimes he’s trying to do the right thing, like the time he wrecked his pool while saving some baby ducks. Often, he channels his inner MacGyver: He once taped his hockey skate back together so he could finish his rec-league game, only to get suspended for falling on the referee when it broke (again). But usually he’s just being, well, cheap! Like the time he inadvertently destroyed a $295 car key fob because he wouldn’t pay the (outrageous) $10 fee to have the battery professionally replaced.
In The Cheap Handyman, Brian anthologizes his hard-won wisdom, teaching us how (not) to cut down a tree, what to do if a stray cat has kittens in your HVAC system, three very incorrect uses for duct tape, the manifold hazards of pool maintenance, and more.
Filled with unforgettable true stories from the everyday life of an average guy just trying to save a few bucks, The Cheap Handyman is a delightful tribute to anyone who has ever thought, "Sure! I can do that!"
©2021 Brian S. Harris. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.Listeners also enjoyed...
-
Nomadland
- Surviving America in the Twenty-First Century
- By: Jessica Bruder
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the beet fields of North Dakota to the wilderness campgrounds of California to an Amazon warehouse in Texas, people who once might have kicked back to enjoy their sunset years are hard at work. Underwater on mortgages or finding that Social Security comes up short, they're hitting the road in astonishing numbers, forming a new community of nomads: RV and van-dwelling migrant laborers, or "workampers".
-
-
Eccentric Hobby? No--Survival Skills!
- By Gillian on 03-07-18
By: Jessica Bruder
-
Day By Day Armageddon
- By: J. L. Bourne
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In your hands is the handwritten journal depicting one man's struggle for survival. Trapped in the midst of global disaster, he must make decisions; choices that ultimately mean life, or the eternal curse to walk as one of them. Enter, if you will, into the world of the undead.
-
-
Freakin' AWESOME!
- By Brandon on 02-09-11
By: J. L. Bourne
-
Look Me in the Eye
- My Life with Asperger's
- By: John Elder Robison
- Narrated by: Mark Deakins
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ever since he was small, John Robison had longed to connect with other people, but by the time he was a teenager, his odd habits, an inclination to blurt out non sequiturs, avoid eye contact, dismantle radios, and dig five-foot holes, had earned him the label "social deviant". No guidance came from his mother or his father. It was no wonder he gravitated to machines, which could, at least, be counted on.
-
-
Interesting autobiography; not autism-informative
- By Steener on 03-13-15
-
Not Taco Bell Material
- By: Adam Carolla
- Narrated by: Adam Carolla
- Length: 7 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories and debuts some never-before-heard tales as well. Adam Carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for over 15 years. Yet he never lost his underdog demeanor.
-
-
Must have for any Adam Carolla Fan!
- By Ron on 06-13-12
By: Adam Carolla
-
The Big Tiny
- A Built-It-Myself Memoir
- By: Dee Williams
- Narrated by: Heather Henderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A graceful, inspired memoir about building a home from scratch and discovering a true sense of self - in just eighty-four square feet - by Dee Williams, a pioneer in sustainable living and the proud owner of a very tiny house. Discovering the sustainability movement and building her own house was just the beginning of building a new life. Williams can now list everything she owns on one sheet of paper, her monthly bills amount to about eight dollars, and it takes her ten minutes to clean the entire house.
-
-
Mixed bag
- By Dorene Kavanagh on 07-30-14
By: Dee Williams
-
Tank Man's Son
- By: Mark Bouman
- Narrated by: Joe Geoffrey
- Length: 9 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Mark Bouman recounts the events of his childhood at the hands of his larger-than-life, neo-Nazi father in brilliant, startling detail. From adventure-filled days complete with real-life war games, artillery fire, and tank races to terror-filled nights marked by vicious tirades, brutal beatings, and psychological torture, Mark paints a chilling portrait of family life that is at once whimsical and horrific - all building to a shocking climax that challenges even the broadest boundaries of love and forgiveness.
-
-
Riveting
- By KD on 06-28-16
By: Mark Bouman
-
Nomadland
- Surviving America in the Twenty-First Century
- By: Jessica Bruder
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the beet fields of North Dakota to the wilderness campgrounds of California to an Amazon warehouse in Texas, people who once might have kicked back to enjoy their sunset years are hard at work. Underwater on mortgages or finding that Social Security comes up short, they're hitting the road in astonishing numbers, forming a new community of nomads: RV and van-dwelling migrant laborers, or "workampers".
-
-
Eccentric Hobby? No--Survival Skills!
- By Gillian on 03-07-18
By: Jessica Bruder
-
Day By Day Armageddon
- By: J. L. Bourne
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In your hands is the handwritten journal depicting one man's struggle for survival. Trapped in the midst of global disaster, he must make decisions; choices that ultimately mean life, or the eternal curse to walk as one of them. Enter, if you will, into the world of the undead.
-
-
Freakin' AWESOME!
- By Brandon on 02-09-11
By: J. L. Bourne
-
Look Me in the Eye
- My Life with Asperger's
- By: John Elder Robison
- Narrated by: Mark Deakins
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ever since he was small, John Robison had longed to connect with other people, but by the time he was a teenager, his odd habits, an inclination to blurt out non sequiturs, avoid eye contact, dismantle radios, and dig five-foot holes, had earned him the label "social deviant". No guidance came from his mother or his father. It was no wonder he gravitated to machines, which could, at least, be counted on.
-
-
Interesting autobiography; not autism-informative
- By Steener on 03-13-15
-
Not Taco Bell Material
- By: Adam Carolla
- Narrated by: Adam Carolla
- Length: 7 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories and debuts some never-before-heard tales as well. Adam Carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for over 15 years. Yet he never lost his underdog demeanor.
-
-
Must have for any Adam Carolla Fan!
- By Ron on 06-13-12
By: Adam Carolla
-
The Big Tiny
- A Built-It-Myself Memoir
- By: Dee Williams
- Narrated by: Heather Henderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A graceful, inspired memoir about building a home from scratch and discovering a true sense of self - in just eighty-four square feet - by Dee Williams, a pioneer in sustainable living and the proud owner of a very tiny house. Discovering the sustainability movement and building her own house was just the beginning of building a new life. Williams can now list everything she owns on one sheet of paper, her monthly bills amount to about eight dollars, and it takes her ten minutes to clean the entire house.
-
-
Mixed bag
- By Dorene Kavanagh on 07-30-14
By: Dee Williams
-
Tank Man's Son
- By: Mark Bouman
- Narrated by: Joe Geoffrey
- Length: 9 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Mark Bouman recounts the events of his childhood at the hands of his larger-than-life, neo-Nazi father in brilliant, startling detail. From adventure-filled days complete with real-life war games, artillery fire, and tank races to terror-filled nights marked by vicious tirades, brutal beatings, and psychological torture, Mark paints a chilling portrait of family life that is at once whimsical and horrific - all building to a shocking climax that challenges even the broadest boundaries of love and forgiveness.
-
-
Riveting
- By KD on 06-28-16
By: Mark Bouman
-
Cold Storage
- A Novel
- By: David Koepp
- Narrated by: Rupert Friend
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Pentagon bioterror operative Roberto Diaz was sent to investigate a suspected biochemical attack, he found something far worse: a highly mutative organism capable of extinction-level destruction. He contained it and buried it in cold storage deep beneath a little-used military repository. Now, after decades of festering in a forgotten sub-basement, the specimen has found its way out and is on a lethal feeding frenzy. Only Diaz knows how to stop it.
-
-
Over the top...in a bad way
- By J. B. Evans on 09-27-19
By: David Koepp
-
Tomorrow War
- The Chronicles of Max [Redacted], Book 1
- By: J. L. Bourne
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder, Kevin T. Collins
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the not-too-distant future, during an unacknowledged mission inside the Syrian border, a government operative unwittingly triggers an incredible event that alters the course of society. A terrible weapon has been unleashed - a weapon that, left to run its course, will destroy the moral fabric of humanity.
-
-
STUD FINDER
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 08-19-16
By: J. L. Bourne
-
Adrian's Undead Diary Omnibus: Volume 1
- By: Chris Philbrook
- Narrated by: James Anderson Foster
- Length: 39 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The world crashed to pieces on June 23rd and Adrian Ring wasn't anywhere near ready for it. He had no guns, no food, no friends around, a cat that wanted to slip out the back of the condo and a girlfriend trapped in the heart of the city. This is the story of how he survived. Real, flawed, and raw, Dark Recollections is Adrian's own story of how he survived after "That Day". Told through his eyes as he talks to his laptop, affectionately named "Mr. Journal".
-
-
Adrian's Undead Diary set the bar for me!
- By Kelleefornia on 06-16-20
By: Chris Philbrook
-
Adventures of the Horse Doctor's Husband
- By: Justin B. Long
- Narrated by: Justin B. Long
- Length: 6 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Best-selling author and painter Justin B. Long never dreamed he’d become a horse person. But marrying a passionate vet plunged the self-confessed numbers nerd into the wild world of equine emergency care. And just when he thought he had a handle on his new life, his close-knit community gained internet fame with a daring freeway horse rescue. This outrageous collection of uproarious exploits will tug at your heartstrings and tickle your funny bone.
-
-
Great look into what it takes to be an equine veterinarian from an outside perspective.
- By Tiffany.Blake on 01-23-24
By: Justin B. Long
-
Kamikaze Kangaroos!
- 20,000 Miles Around Australia. One Van, Two Girls...And an Idiot
- By: Tony James Slater
- Narrated by: Tim Campbell
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tony James Slater knew nothing about Australia. Except for the fact that he'd just arrived there. The stage is set for an outrageous adventure: three people, one van, on an epic, 20,000-mile road trip around Australia. They're crisscrossing the continent through some of the most inhospitable land on the planet - the infamous Aussie Outback. Unprepared, underqualified, and hopelessly inept, Tony battles gigantic pumpkins, mechanical mishaps, and suicidal kangaroos, armed only with a thong and a sense of humor.
-
-
Fun book
- By Barrett D. Wendt on 05-11-23
-
Zombies!
- Book 1: A Small World
- By: R. S. Merritt
- Narrated by: Mike Thomas
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the Author of The Zournal series comes a horrifying new series that'll grab you by the throat and take you on a crazy thrill ride through the Apocalypse. In this first book stand with our heroes as Zombies overrun the planet. Watch as normal people have to deal with extraordinary circumstances. How far will they go to protect their loved ones?
-
-
Ehhhhhh
- By nehifamily on 01-20-20
By: R. S. Merritt
-
The Kindness of Neighbors
- By: Matthew Iden
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 1 hr and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
No one likes Jack. His wife is gone and his neighbors avoid him. He's a recluse and a creep, and that's just the way he wants it; he can ignore what they say behind his back if they leave him to his work and his daily walks. But when ten-year-old Emma goes missing in the nearby woods, the eyes of his neighbors turn toward him, their fear and accusations escalating as the days go by. Jack proclaims his innocence, but what the neighbors - and the listener - find out is the last thing anyone would suspect.
-
-
Delightful short story!
- By Wayne on 01-02-17
By: Matthew Iden
-
Govt Cheese
- By: Steven Pressfield
- Narrated by: Steven Pressfield
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
People who have read my books, particularly “The War of Art” and its cousins, have a vague idea of the odyssey of a particular solitary guy, wracked with guilt and riven by self-doubt, as he struggles toward his destiny as a writer. But they have only the scantiest conception of the particulars of that journey. These particulars I’m hoping may be of use to others as they wrestle with their own version of that same odyssey. So let me try to strip it down. Let me tell the parts I normally leave out.
-
-
Another Great Work by a great storyteller
- By Vales Tales on 12-11-22
-
Burning Down Boise
- Book One in The Way of Dan
- By: Franklin Horton
- Narrated by: Kevin Pierce
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Dan Slaughter has given up on appearances. With his wife dead and his kids grown, he’s slowly reverting back to the east Tennessee boy he used to be three decades earlier. He quit cutting his hair and started smoking pot. He drinks when he wants to and sings along with the classic songs of his lost youth.
-
-
Wonderful Character Study
- By Leah Brock on 07-23-20
By: Franklin Horton
-
Auto Biography
- A Classic Car, an Outlaw Motorhead, and 57 Years of the American Dream
- By: Earl Swift
- Narrated by: Greg Itzin
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A brilliant blend of Shop Class as Soulcraft and The Orchid Thief, Earl Swift’s wise, funny, and captivating Auto Biography follows an outlaw-genius auto mechanic as he painstakingly attempts to restores a classic 1957 Chevy to its former glory - all while the FBI and local law enforcement close in.
-
-
epic story of man and machine.
- By D.Streeter on 07-01-22
By: Earl Swift
-
Urban Gridlock
- Chronicles of the Undead, Book 1
- By: Jaime Hernandez
- Narrated by: Eric A. Shelman
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lifelong best friends Max and Jesse are six stories high working a construction job, when the gates of Hell explode in downtown Cleveland. They bear witness to the furious beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse. Trapped in the middle of the city, the pair must fight their way back to the only thing that matters…their families.
-
-
Depends on what you're looking for
- By R. G. Wilson on 06-02-23
By: Jaime Hernandez
-
As You Do
- Adventures With Evel, Oliver, and The Vice-President Of Botswana
- By: Richard Hammond
- Narrated by: Richard Hammond
- Length: 3 hrs and 2 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The wry, honest and often hilarious chronicles of a very brave and clever TV presenter, Arctic Explorer and general drawer of the Short Straw. Moving quickly on from the devastating crash that nearly killed him he ranges widely over his life and times: a visit to Glastonbury with James May reminds of him of his early years of playing in a band and how and why he never quite made it as a rock star.
-
-
I only wish it had been unabridged!
- By Rafael on 11-06-12
By: Richard Hammond
What listeners say about The Cheap Handyman
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- sabrinapuig
- 06-05-22
Father’s Day gift
I really love this book. It’s totally funny and I can relate to it. It’s a perfect Father’s Day gift
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!